Parks and Recreation

- GOOD MORNING, BEN. - OH!

- OH. SORRY. - SORRY.

- DID I SCARE YOU? - NO.

- I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU

OF THE ART SHOW THAT'S HAPPENING TONIGHT

AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER.

IT'S GONNA BE A LOT OF FUN.

- GREAT. GREAT. - YEAH.

WELL, THAT SOUNDS COOL.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THAT'LL BE A BIG SUCCESS,

YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, LIKE EVERYTHING THAT YOU, UH--THAT YOU PUT

YOUR--YOUR--YOUR PAWS ON-- YOUR FINGERS.

- LESLIE KNOPE! BEN WYATT.

BEN, GREAT NEWS--

DO YOU REMEMBER THE WOMAN I TOLD YOU ABOUT

FROM THE COUNTY COMMISSIONER'S OFFICE?

- UM, VAGUELY. - SURE YOU DO--CINDY MILLER.

ANYWAY, SHE'S AGREED TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH YOU.

- OH, YOU ASKED HER OUT FOR ME?

AND YOU'RE GONNA LOVE HER.

SHE IS INTERESTING, SMART, AND BEAUTIFUL, INSIDE AND OUT.

INNER BEAUTY IS VERY IMPORTANT.

AND OUTER BEAUTY IS ALSO VERY IMPORTANT.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD A RULE

ABOUT INTER-GOVERNMENT RELATIONSHIPS.

OH, DON'T WORRY.

HER DEPARTMENT IS COMPLETELY SEPARATE FROM OURS.

THIS ISN'T ANYTHING LIKE YOUR AFFAIR WITH TOM HAVERFORD.

- WE WEREN'T--YOU--YOU-- - I'M SORRY.

WHO ARE YOU CALLING? - CINDY MILLER.

- CINDY MILLER! CHRIS TRAEGER.

GUESS WHO IS STANDING IN THIS ROOM

WITH ME RIGHT NOW. - OH, UM...

- BEN WYATT. BEN, SAY HELLO.

- UH, HI, CINDY. SORRY.

- HI. NO APOLOGY NECESSARY.

IT'S JUST CHRIS BEING CHRIS.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

OOH, SPARKS ARE FLYING!

I MAY HAVE TO CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.

THAT'S A GOVERNMENT JOKE.

I LOVE SETTING PEOPLE UP.

HERE'S MY SECRET--

I DETERMINE SOMEONE'S BEST QUALITIES,

AND THEN I FIND SOMEONE ELSE WITH COMPATIBLE QUALITIES.

AND I BRING THEM TOGETHER.

*

UGH. GOD, THIS SUCKS.

- OH. WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME FOR THE REST OF THE DAY?

- I CAN'T GO HOME, 'CAUSE I HAVE THIS ART-SHOW OPENING

AT THE COMMUNITY CENTER.

AND I CAN'T STAY HERE BECAUSE I SEE BEN.

AND I CAN'T DATE BEN BECAUSE OF CHRIS' STUPID RULES.

I FEEL SO... - POWERLESS.

- YEAH. I'M LIKE THAT LIGHTBULB--

WEAK, FLICKERING, BARELY GIVING OFF ANY LIGHT,

UNABLE TO MAKE OUT WITH THE LIGHTBULB

I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH.

- YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?

- A HUG? - PAXIL.

DO YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU A PRESCRIPTION?

UGH.

- HEY, TOM, UH, QUESTION FOR YOU--

DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO'S LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE?

- HOW HOT? - I--WHAT?

- HOW HOT IS THE WOMAN THAT'S LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO STAY?

- NO, IT'S ME. I'M LOOKING. - OH, COME ON, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LED ME TO BELIEVE

IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. - I DIDN'T.

I'VE BEEN STAYING

AT THE PAWNEE SUPERSUITES MOTEL FOR SEVEN MONTHS.

IT'S A CHARMING LITTLE INN

WITH WONDERFULLY RANDOM WAKE-UP CALLS,

DELIGHTFULLY UNSTABLE TEMPERATURES,

AND, AS OF YESTERDAY, BEDBUGS.

"FOUR STARS!" SAYS NOBODY.

- I WISH I COULD HELP YOU OUT, BENIHANA, BUT I CAN'T.

I HAVE A ONE-BEDROOM.

I CAN'T HAVE A DUDE SLEEPING ON MY COUCH

IF AND WHEN I BRING HOME A LADY. - MM.

- I HAVE A RITUAL, AND IT STARTS ON THE COUCH.

- ECCH. - WE SIT DOWN.

- OKAY. YEP. - CLAP MY HANDS.

- LIGHTS DIM. - I UNDERSTAND.

- BOYZ II MEN... - PLEASE STOP.

- FADES IN. - NOPE. NOPE.

YOU DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN THE RITUAL--I'M GOOD.

- OH, YOU KNOW WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP

A HOMELESS DUDE, SUCH AS YOURSELF?

THIS IS AWESOMELY PERFECT.

BURLY JUST MOVED IN WITH HIS RICH GIRLFRIEND,

AND WE NEED HELP WITH THE RENT.

- WE HAVE A COUPLE HOUSE RULES, THOUGH.

YEAH, SURE. OF COURSE.

YOU CAN'T USE THE FRONT DOOR.

YOU HAVE TO CLIMB IN THROUGH THE BACK WINDOW.

NO PERSONAL PHONE CONVERSATIONS.

IF YOU EVER SPEAK TO ME IN SPANISH,

PLEASE USE THE FORMAL USTED.

AND NO ELECTRICITY 00 P.M.

- SHE'S JOKING.

OKAY.

- YOU CAN USE AS MUCH FREE ELECTRICITY AS YOU WANT.

IT'S FREE. - COUPLE MORE RULES--

IF YOU EVER WATCH A SAD MOVIE,

YOU HAVE TO WEAR MASCARA

SO WE CAN SEE WHETHER OR NOT YOU'VE BEEN CRYING.

THERE'S NO NOISE ALLOWED ON MONDAYS

AND NO TV AFTER BREAKFAST.

- SHE IS LYING AGAIN.

- SHE IS-- 'CAUSE IT'S HARD TO TELL.

- NO. WE LEAVE THE TV ON ALL DAY LONG

SO BURGLARS THINK THAT WE'RE HOME WHEN WE'RE NOT,

WHICH IS MY IDEA THAT I'M TRYING TO PATENT.

SO YOU WANT TO MOVE IN TONIGHT?

- YEAH. SURE. THAT'D BE GREAT.

- YOU WANT MY GUM? - MM-HMM.

- UGH. RON, CAN YOU MAKE THE OPENING REMARKS?

I-I JUST-- I'M NOT IN THE MOOD.

NEITHER AM I, EVER.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? YOU LIVE FOR THIS KIND OF STUFF.

- I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME RIGHT NOW.

RON, PLEASE, DO IT FOR ME.

MAKE THE SPEECH. RON. PLEASE. PLEASE.

GIVE THE SPEECH, RON. - NO.

- YES. PLEASE. RON. - NO.

- PLEASE. PLEASE GIVE THE SPEECH.

PLEASE GIVE THE SPEECH. - NO, I WON'T.

- YES. YES. YES. YES... - NO WAY.

- PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE... - NO.

- YES. YES. YES. - ALL RIGHT! DAMN IT, WOMAN.

OKAY, EVERYONE, SHUT UP

AND LOOK AT ME!

WELCOME TO VISIONS OF NATURE.

THIS ROOM HAS SEVERAL PAINTINGS IN IT.

SOME ARE BIG. SOME ARE SMALL.

PEOPLE DID THEM, AND THEY ARE HERE NOW.

I BELIEVE THAT AFTER THIS IS OVER,

THEY'LL BE HUNG IN GOVERNMENT BUILDINGS.

WHY THE GOVERNMENT IS INVOLVED IN AN ART SHOW IS BEYOND ME.

I ALSO THINK IT'S POINTLESS

FOR A HUMAN TO PAINT SCENES OF NATURE

WHEN THEY COULD JUST GO OUTSIDE AND STAND IN IT.

ANYWAY, PLEASE DO NOT MISINTERPRET THE FACT

THAT I AM TALKING RIGHT NOW AS GENUINE INTEREST IN ART

AND ATTEMPT TO DISCUSS IT WITH ME FURTHER.

END OF SPEECH.

AND THIS IS THE TV ROOM.

OH, MY GOD.

YEAH, IT'S A MESS.

- COULD YOU THROW THAT IN THE TRASH CAN?

- I WAS JUST HERE, LIKE, THREE WEEKS AGO FOR YOUR WEDDING.

WHAT HAPPENED?

- I DON'T KNOW. BURLY MOVED OUT.

HE WAS THE ONE THAT DID ALL THE CLEANING

AND THROWING AWAY AND STUFF.

- WAIT, HE MOVED OUT, LIKE, A WEEK AGO.

YOU GUYS MADE THIS MESS IN A WEEK?

- WELL, I ALWAYS THINK APRIL'S GONNA CLEAN UP.

- AND I NEVER CLEAN UP. - IT'S CUTE, RIGHT?

- NO. - YES, IT IS.

- ARE YOU GUYS FRYING MARBLES?

- WE WERE CHECKING TO SEE IF THE FIRE ALARM WORKED.

IT DOESN'T.

- THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE TO PICKING

THE PERFECT ROOMMATE

IS FINDING SOMEONE WHO'S WILLING TO PAY

MORE THAN THEIR SHARE OF RENT WITHOUT KNOWING IT.

- I THINK WE FOUND THAT IN BEN.

- YOU FORGOT TO PAINT A PAINTING, SON.

SO FOR MY PAINTING,

I CHOSE ONE OF MY VERY FAVORITE GREEK MYTHS--

THE CENTAUR GODDESS DYAPHENA SLAYING A GREAT STAG.

- IT'S, UH, STUNNING. - IT'S BREATHTAKING, JERRY.

- YEAH. REALLY IS. - WOW. THANKS, GUYS.

- HEY, LESLIE, YOU SHOULD REALLY COME OVER HERE AND LOOK

AT JERRY'S PAINTING.

- OH. OH, MY GOD.

THAT'S ME. IS THAT ME?

- WHAT? NO.

OH, JEEZ, IT DOES LOOK LIKE YOU.

- YOU'RE JUST REALIZING THAT NOW?

- THAT'S WHAT YOU SEE WHEN YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES

AT NIGHT, JERRY-- TOPLESS LESLIE GLUED TO A HORSE.

- OKAY, LESLIE, I AM JUST SO, SO SORRY.

DYAPHENA-- SHE IS THIS POWERFUL GODDESS.

AND I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT POWERFUL WOMEN.

AND SUBCONSCIOUSLY, I PAINTED YOU.

I'M SORRY. I'M GONNA TAKE IT RIGHT DOWN.

NO. LEAVE IT UP.

I LOVE IT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT.

EVERY TIME I LOOK AT IT, I JUST THINK TO MYSELF,

"WHAT CAN'T THAT CENTAUR WOMAN DO?"

BESIDES RIDE AN ESCALATOR AND DRIVE A CAR.

ART CAN BE SO MAGNIFICENT.

- OH, MY GOD. THE BABY IS TOM.

WHAT?

- THIS IS EASILY MY FAVORITE PAINTING EVER.