Christine

And we are back, in living color, with our exclusive interview

with the president of the United States, Richard Milhous Nixon.

Mr. President, before the break,

we were discussing the pending impeachment investigation.

And I guess we're all wondering,

how are you feeling about your ability to defend yourself against the charges?

Well, that's very interesting to hear you say that, Mr. President.

It begs the question,

is it paranoia if indeed everyone is coming after you?

If you can just drop it on the floor for now. Hey, Christine.

- Hey. - Are we interrupting something?

No, I... I was just running some tape on myself.

It's the new quad machine. Sorry.

- Hey, Jean? - Yeah?

Have you, uh, noticed that I do this thing when I...

I nod a little too sympathetically when I'm interviewing a subject?

- No. How can you be too sympathetic? - I don't know.

It feels forced.

I'm gonna cue up the interview for the zoning piece.

- Can you look at the film intro? - Yes.

After we're done here, I need your help in the studio.

- Hey, Chris. Is it cued up? - Yes, it's cued up.

Alright.

- Your stomach's still acting up? - Yeah, it's just stress.

So I-I was thinking we'll go film intro, and then go to graphics,

and then jump into this.

We don't need that film intro. Let's cut it.

- Are you sure? - This is good. This is solid as it is.

...at least put it to vote,

because while we wait, there are kids who are suffering.

The whole of Florida suffers...

Stop! Rewind.

- How come? - It's that lean-in. I wanna see it.

Oh. Hey, I was wondering, um,

if you have time after the show tonight, can you take a look at something?

Uh, I took your advice. I've been trying to put a story together.

Well, I have my volunteer shift,

and then dinner, but tomorrow maybe?

- Yeah, alright. - OK.

...or at least put it to vote,

because while we wait, there are kids who are suffering.

There. Right there. Stop. See that?

You don't think that's... forced?

No, it's fine. You're listening to them.

Have you noticed Gail has been putting fake flowers on the table?

- Yeah. Mike asked her to. - Wayne!

They're silk or something.

How does our new, very expensive quad look?

Uh, don't know yet. It's still in the box.

Let me know when you get it up and running.

If it doesn't work, I'm not paying for it.

- Ladies, team meeting. Five minutes. - Copy five.

I mean it!

- "I mean it!" - "Five minutes, ladies."

Steve, what's going on in your world?

Orlando's looking at a big storm tonight.

It'd be great to get another ten seconds.

It's gonna have to come in the lead, then, George.

The lead-in's ten long as it is,

and I got fat to trim all over the rest of the show.

OK. Keep working on it.

- This just came in. - Fire just called.

Pickup truck went off the road on Orangeville.

- Chubbuck, can you get out there? - Uh, no, sorry. I can't.

What do you mean, you can't?

I'm tucking in that hospital piece. I need more time.

You're shitting me. I thought you finished with that last week.

That was Part One.

What is with this zoning obsession of yours?

- It's inane. - No, it's important.

People could be dying out there.

Mike, it's fender-bender reporting. It's demeaning.

I have been very clear

that I am doing issue-oriented or character-based pieces.

You always make it very, very clear.

Thank you for your clearness. It's too dry!

We gotta liven things up around here.

The ratings are in the fucking toilet.

You know, I can be on that real quick.

All the film rigs are out anyway.

- Don't. - Take one of the Akais.

The Akais don't work.

They work, Chubbuck, you just refuse to learn them.

Which reminds me, everybody, September the 1st,

everybody in this room! September the 1st.

Mark it on your calendars.

We are all video by then. There's no excuses.

- Yes? - Yes.

No excuses!

Jean, d'you mind picking up that footage?

- No, I'm on it. - Mike, Bob's on the phone.

- Bob, Ford Dealership Bob? - No. Bob Bob.

- Station owner. - Fuck.

Tell him I'll be right there.

Tell him I'll call him right back.

Mike, you should go take that.

Probably calling to tell me he's gonna come here to put us out of our misery.

Bob Andersen deigning to visit us.

That'd be something.

Right. Will he be traveling by spaceship or unicorn?

OK, quick. Sports. Kirby. Go.

Get your curlers out, Kirby. We're on in 30.

Thank you. "...quarterback among his two main..."

- They're gonna skip that. - That's good. Thank you, Gail.

Anytime, George.

In other news, there was a car accident on the 301 this morning.

- What time do we have Christine in the line-up? 5-20.

Five, four, stand by... Take VC1.

The erratic flight patterns of a pelican. End quote.

The resulting pile-up

fortunately did not result in any injuries,

but did back up south-bound traffic all the way to Somerset.

Driving conditions are now normal.

I've changed my mind. We need to add a film of me walking the county line.

I don't think we can. We're up in three minutes.

Goddamn it, Chubbuck!

- I'll load it. - How's that graphic looking?

I don't know. I like it.

The meeting will begin promptly at 7:30 pm,

and we're told that cookies and coffee will be served.

Ready, camera two.

And now, let's kick it over to Steve Turner.

Moving on to weather.

Just a couple of seconds off the top. Let's go.

- Cue camera two. - Tell George to stretch.

Tell George to stretch it. Camera two, go to a two-shot.

It really mucked things up with that rainstorm last week, huh?

Well, like any new technology, it has its kinks.

It just kinda makes you look like a liar, Steve.

Well, I think you know that I'm not, George.

I'd like to see you jump to the hot seat one night. See how it feels.

- That sounds like fun, actually. - I'm sure it does.

- Two. - As always...

VT1 is open, ladies. Whenever you're ready.

OK.

Here.

My asshole is like this right now. It's like this.

I'm going. Copy, copy.

- Let's go. - OK.

Load graphic on VT1. Load film on film two.

TRT is 35 seconds. Sound on film.

- Go to interview on VT2. - Sound on film.

And now, in a special edition of the Sarasota Suncoast Digest,

an ongoing investigative report from reporter Christine Chubbuck.

Christine?

Thank you, George.

As you know, there's been some controversy

with several of the hospitals up near Longboat Key.

I sat down with councilman and zoning Board president Tom D'Esposito

and some local healthcare professionals

for an exclusive interview to talk about it

and how it ties into what might be a larger crisis in Sarasota.

A zoning crisis.

Projector two.

You can't see, but I'm standing on the line

that divides Manatee and Sarasota Counties.

There's a proposal on the table right now

to move the line up a fifth of a mile,

so that the Sunshine Children's Home and other facilities like it

are eligible for more state funding.

However, discussions, like this railway track,

have come to a dead end.

Mr. D'Esposito, this is the fifth time in as many months

that the re-zone proposal has gone forth before the board.

Is your plan to postpone the vote again?

What's your message to residents,

and to the workers at the Sunshine Children's Center,

and the children in their care?

# You fill up my senses

# Like a night in the forest

# Like a mountain in springtime

# Like a walk in the rain

# Like a storm in the desert

# Like a sleepy blue ocean

Hm, but Miss Tangerine...

Yes, See Saw, darling?

How do you know if it's a stranger?

What do you mean?

Well, what if you know them,

but you don't really know them?

Then what?

Hm. Well, that's a tricky question, See Saw, darling.

If you've spoken to them more than once, then they're not a stranger,

and it's probably OK.

Well, thank you, Miss Tangerine.

You're welcome, See Saw.

Thanks, kids.

Thank you, kids.

That was wonderful! Can everyone thank Miss Christine?

- Thank you, Miss Christine! - Alright, dinner time, everyone.

Hey, Stevie, I have a good one for you today.

- Knock knock. - Who's there?

- Harry. - Harry who?

Harry up and let me in, it's cold outside.

Alright, it's dinner time, kiddo.

- Goodbye, Miss Christine. - Bye, Steven.

- Thanks again, Christine. - Oh, of course.

You know, I was a little torn.

I know most of them don't leave the grounds ever, so...

No, it's all helpful.