Mystery Team

Hi! My name's Buddy. I'm your new neighbor.

Hi. I'm Alan.

Mighty nice house you got here, Alan.

Mind if I take a look around?

Uh, s-sure.

Great!

Grownups, houses.

Oh, this is great.

Decorative pillows?

What is this, the White House?

I don't know.

The door's locked.

McGinty, you clever dog.

I guess I'll just have to break it down, then,

with brute force! Ow!

Oh. The window's open.

I probably knocked it open

when I hit the door with my shoulder.

Now, where's this Old Man McGinty

I keep hearing about?

You mean my father? He's asleep.

Oh, really?

Because I heard evil never sleeps.

What was that?

Oh, nothing. I was just admiring your bulbs.

40 watt, eh?

It's like Buckingham Palace in here.

Uh, let's walk.

Okay. Let's search for clues.

What's there to do in town?

I don't know because I just moved here.

I haven't lived here in years.

I just came back to help my father.

With what, the house? The yard?

The murders?

What? Did you say murders?

Whoa! Paper plates. Ha ha!

You expecting the pope? Very classy.

How old are you anyway?

You look kind of young to be buying a house.

Can I have that in writing? Ha ha ha!

Oh, we are laughing.

Mystery Team?

Mystery Team.

What's my job?

Dish...washer.

Aah! Aah!

Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on here?

Oh, boys! Boys!

What are you doing in here?

I am so sorry. These are my sons--

Benny and The Jets.

I expected this from you, Benny, but, The Jets!

I'm calling the police.

No need.

We're the Mystery Team.

Oh.

My father told me about you guys.

Listen, I know when you were younger,

my father was probably cranky and liked to be left alone,

but he is pretty sick now, and I'm taking care of him.

This isn't some spooky house.

There are no dastardly plans.

Just a sick old man on a respirator.

So could you please leave my father

to pass in peace?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Your father was a great man.

Why'd you do it, McGint--?

Sorry.

Jason, Jason, come quick!

There's a mystery afoot!

Somebody stuck their fingers in Mrs. Kimmel's pie.

What kind of pie, Jamie?

Boysenberry!

Duncan. Come in, Duncan.

Duncan here.

We got a code 44 at Mrs. Kimmel's house.

Affirmative.

Ohh.

Yeah, I did that.

Charlie. Come in, Charlie.

Code 44 at Mrs. Kimmel's house.

I'm on it.

Still warm.

That means it was hot

when someone stuck their finger in there.

There's only one kid crooked enough to do this

but young enough not to know it would burn you.

Eric McDonald.

Joshua McDonald. Eric McDonald.

Eric McDonald.

And we know his spot.

Hi. My name's Sammy.

I'm new to this school.

Know where I can get some pie around here?

Ah, fuck, the Mystery Team.

Ha ha!

I gotcha.

Of course you got me, motherfucker.

You're 18.

If any teachers ask where Eric went,

tell them three grownups took him off the playground

to teach him a lesson about sticking his finger in things.

Eww.

Yep. Boysenberry, all right.

Only one question remains, Eric.

Why'd you do it?

I'll bet you he gets his kicks

giving old ladies the heebie-jeebies.

Hell, no. I wanted to see if it felt like pussy,

like in that movie.

Yeah.

Well, you learned your lesson,

so try and stay on the straight and narrow this time.

Okay?

He's a good kid at heart.

Faggots.

Hey, Dad, can I have the car keys?

There go three virgins.

Excuse me. Is this the principal's office?

Come in, Jason.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I am not Jason.

I am Jason's father,

and I just came down here

to say that he will be punished,

so there is no need to suspend him

or call me, Jason's father.

I get a frantic call from Mr. Daniels

over at Wilson Elementary,

telling me that one of his students

was taken off the premises by you.

Do you know how serious that is?

Oh, Jason, Jason, Jason.

Can you believe I'm his father?

Jason, I mean.

Jason, take off the mustache.

We meet again, old friend.

Sorry I'm late, everybody.

My science teacher says my thesis needs to prove something,

but I think listing all the dinosaurs

proves there was a lot of dinosaurs.

Duncan, we got the yearbooks in today,

and some of the staff was a little confused.

Why'd you fuck us?

Oh, my Trivia Corner.

You guys are stumped, huh?

There's actually an answer key in the back.

No one said you could have a Trivia Corner.

Well, Caleb, I just saw there was a blank page,

so I figured-- You're an asshole.

Look, we're trying to sell yearbooks.

I figured people would want to match wits

with the boy genius.

You're not a boy genius.

You just got a book of some Wacky Facts

in second grade and memorized them

because no one wants to be your friend

except those two retards on your Mystery Team.

Catch you guys later.

C-Catch you guys later.

Can you help me get started on the ramp?

I'll do you one better.

Just-- I got it. I'm so close.

Let me stay on the ramp.

Dude, dude, dude, Hold on, hold on!

You all right.

Yeah. Thank you.

I must work on that stuff.

Hey, man, can you stop staring at us in the halls?

It's creepy.

Yeah, okay.

See you at practice.

No, you won't. You're not on the team.

You can't just say that.

Look, I know when you were younger,

the whole town, myself included,

was very amused by you and the Mystery Kids.

Mystery Team, okay?

Mystery Team.

People used to call us heroes.

And it really razzes my berries

when people don't take us seriously.

I mean, look how big my magnifying glass is.

Your head's big.

Put that down. That's enough.

You're an adult now. Act like one.

You're excused.

I cannot wait to graduate in a month.

I'm so tired of school.

Yeah, I wish they'd all disappear

like the Lost Colony of Roanoke.

They'd probably go "What's Roanoke?"

and I'd go "Shut up, Caleb."

All we need is one big case

before people start respecting us again,

like people did when we were 7.

People respect us.

Charlie, where's your book bag?