Let's Start A Cult

- Why do you think you're ready to transcend?

Why?

Because I've listened to every word you've said.

I've studied the scripts that you have wrote.

I've listened to every speech.

I've-- I've cataloged every moment.

I don't think there's a way that I'm not ready to transcend.

I hunger for the next realm.

I can't wait.

- I mean, because it sounds fucking sick, honestly.

- This tree that we're on is burning

and it's telling us to get off.

It's too hot.

It's full of pain.

- In my heart, I know that we're meant to be so much more.

- I had a family before, and I left them to come with you.

- Because of your teachings, I convinced a Chinese lady

with dementia I was her son.

I don't even know how it happened,

but just kind of channeling you--

and I got like $13,000 out of her before she realized I

didn't actually know how to speak Mandarin.

I was just kind of doing the sounds.

Any final thoughts?

Just thank you.

- I feel too lucky to have met this family.

- Me and you fucking getting slurped up.

God's watching.

Buddha will probably be there.

Let's all try to get along.

- Marilyn Monroe. Oh.

You're getting it from the back.

Oh.

You know what I'm saying?

- Even if there's one person that we may not like--

Maybe Marlon Brando.

You ever see him when he was young?

Piece of ass.

And in heaven, being gay is not bad.

It's actually cool.

- Let's welcome him into our fold.

- I can't wait to spend forever with you, dawg.

It's going to be awesome, me and you forever.

Forever.

Worms, that's all we are--

wasting our days writhing in the mud, bound to vessels

that suffocate our potential.

But for this family, for those who know the truth, today

we reject our earthly bondage and embrace

our rightful destiny.

Today we grow legs, sprout wings, and open eyes

that see for the first time.

Today we return to Jalanzana.

To Jalanzana.

Xana.

Hey, dude, check it out.

What?

Look down, dude.

Look.

Fuck you.

You're disgusting.

- Do we have a rag I could wipe this with?

Or honestly, a whole new cup would be a lot better, actually.

- No. Just drink it.

- Kathleen just rubbed her whole mouth on it right before me.

- So what? - So what?

So I'm clean as a whistle.

I'm not trying to get herpes all over

my thinking balls 'cause you rubbed your dirty ass lips all

over the fucking thing.

Chip.

Fine.

- All right, that's it. We're done.

- What? Come on.

It was just a practice run. Who cares?

Punishment barn.

- I've been in the punishment barn all month.

Fuck you, Kathleen.

Shut your mouth.

- Stupid raccoons ate all my kettle corns and on-the-go

desserts.

What's up?

How are we doing. What's up, Gabe?

Good morning.

Good morning.

Fuck you, dude.

I'm just fucking around.

Can I get some coffee or what?

- Morning family. - Morning.

William.

Good morning.

Thank you.

- William-- hello and good morning, Will.

I was just wondering-- and you know how I hate bringing stuff

up over and over again, so I'm hoping we can just settle this

right now--

I was just wondering if I could have a gun or a long sword,

like longer than what I got now.

Because the setup now, dude, is not snagging these raccoons

and they are running buck wild on my various oats

and approved crackers.

What's the question?

May I have a gun?

No.

OK.

Agenda B, is it possible to get the generator in the mix?

Because it might not feel like it indoors,

but when you're sleeping outside,

it gets pretty cold at night.

And I would love to just plug in the space heater.

Are we hearing this?

Somebody seems to forget, after tonight,

he's going to be kept plenty warm by the Celestial Bosom.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I'm fucking stupid.

It's going to be awesome, the Bosom,

and I'm jacked for that shit.

So rescinded.

Request rescinded.

Everybody gather around.

So today is obviously a joyous day, and we have so much to do.

But it is Tuesday, so you know what that means.

It's--

Ice cream Tuesday!

- I thought that it couldn't possibly be Ice Cream Tuesday,

but it is Ice Cream Tuesday.

All right.

Oh, fuck.

- All right, well, Elizabeth and I are going to get ready to go

to town and when we get back, I'm trusting all of you to have

everything ready for our special night, mm-kay?

Mm-kay.

Guys.

Guys.

What a meal.

Gabriel and Jefferson, that's got to be in your top 10 stews.

And a little birdie told me there might be a cake.

- Yeah, but I mean, the stew was so rich and good.

I mean, cake on top of that?

A little over the top, right?

No, I don't think so.

Time for cake. - Yeah.

No, I know, but I'm just saying, like, we

got the whole we're transcending and we got the whole ceremony.

Who wants to be, like, bloated for that?

- Jefferson, would you mind going and getting the cake?

It would be my honor.

Yeah, he should--

he should get the cake.

That's right.

- The only thing better than a stew and a Cola

is a stew and a Cola and some cake.

That's so true.

He just-- yeah, that's good.

Huh.

Well, personally, I would have made the cake a little bigger

myself, but it is a beautiful message, guys.

Whee.

Right?

We're on a roller coaster.

This life of ours, huh?

Chip, did you eat the cake?

For the last time, no.

Outside.

Now.

- I wasn't even that much of fuck.

I did a little bit.

- Clearly, punishments don't work.

So instead of punishing you, I'm going to empower you.

I had a task I had planned to entrust to Jefferson,

but obviously, now he has to bake a new cake.

Yeah.

Whatever it is, I'll do it.

- I just need you to mail an envelope.

- Are we sending a bomb to City Hall?

- No, it's our tape that we're sending to News Line

to Georgeanne Jennings, to show the world what we've done here.

- Yes, that's a beautiful plan, and I will execute it

to perfection for you.

- It's already stamped and addressed.

All you have to do is put it in the mailbox

outside the Snack-And-Go.

Can I get a Mr. Slush?

- Once the envelope is in the mailbox,

you may get a Mr. slush.

- Yes. Thank you, William.

Thank you so much.

I will not squander this opportunity.

I love crackers.

It would have been nice.

- Would you guys like to join me in the basement?

I'd love to run something by you.

Fuck.

Look Goddamit.

Guys, bad news.

Somebody tried to jump me.

I fought him off, obviously, but he

did pour his slush all over the envelope.

We are going to need a new one.