Black Monday

Previously on Black Monday...

We are about to get rich as fuck

buying Amerisavings & Loan.

Congressman Roger Harris.

My man!

You want to buy up retail banks

to gamble on the stock market.

Do we have a deal?

I need your chunk of Amerisavings.

I would love to work with you,

but until Mo's behind bars,

I will never do business with your company.

You can shop the deal if you want,

but where are you gonna go?

How could you betray my family?

They're the ones who were behind your kidnapping.

Do you honestly think

that he is not out there right now plotting his revenge?

- Hello? - Mo, Miami...

- Keith, shit! - You son of a bitch.

I found you.

If you see him,

do not attempt to apprehend him,

but call our hotline.

Good morning, you.

Hmm.

Now that's the kind of political wakeup call

I like.

I have an urgent poll to show you.

Shit, is it the new Gallup? Is it bad?

No, it's-it's my pole.

It's my dick.

- Oh. - Yeah.

I'd like to get a hold of that poll.

And gallop, Big B.

Yeah?

Yeah? Reverse cowguy?

Mm-hmm.

Housekeeping.

Come back later, por favor.

Aha.

Uh, no usted today!

Damn it.

Big B, what the...

- Fuck! Get the fuck out! - I told you no more hotels.

It's too public.

We need a place that's just ours.

- Tad, get the fuck out! - And of course your wife's.

We've been looking for months, but newsflash,

- Tiff is particular. - Fuck.

Well, you better find something.

A homo-hotel tryst would ruin both our lives and careers.

You don't think I know that, Roger?

In here.

De nada, friend.

So...

how was the sexual congress...

man?

Well, it was...

- Do you have a robe, or... - I do not.

I'm...

So sorry.

Oh, please. We've all seen it.

_

Right on there, Keith!

Hey, Keith.

Thanks, boss.

Thanks, boss.

Thanks, boss.

- Thanks, boss. - Later, skaters.

Keep her close.

Hey, okay.

Um, so we're gonna take a quick fiver.

Thank you very sweetly.

I am Antoine LeFaro,

and we are So Close, Yet So Antoine.

Another Mudslide, Gordo.

Another mudslide?

- Jesus, how many of these have you had? - Get off my back.

- They're not good for you. - I mean, come on, how much coke

- have you had today, Keith? - A lot, but I can handle it.

Exactly. You don't have a leg to stand on.

Well, you're not gonna have a leg to stand on either

when the diabetes devil comes for you.

Whatever.

I'm glad I gave up booger sugar for sugar-sugar.

Just saying, you got a lot of stumps

in your family tree, huh?

Is there something that you wanted, Keith,

'cause you waved me over here kind of frantically.

You were on America's Most Unsolved Crimes.

That's so cool.

It's not cool.

It is hot, as in the heat is on,

but not in the cool Glenn Frey way, okay?

It is time for you to put in action

whatever plan you've been cooking up

to clear your name and get back on top.

I don't have a plan, okay?

Don't you want revenge

on all those people who fucked you over?

I mean, Dawn and Blair...

me.

Nah, man. I'm good.

That whole Mo Monroe life, that's behind me now.

Maybe I should just disappear to the Maldives.

- The what? - It's basically Kokomo.

"Get there fast, take it slow" kind of vibe.

I spent a week there one night.

It's the happiest I've ever been.

I'll sail out there, catch on with another hotel band,

and spend the rest of my days

laying down the low end in paradise.

No shirt, no shoes, no extradition,

and all the minibar Toblerone I can boost.

Don't worry so much, K-Man. Life is sweet.

- Top me off, Gordo. - Top you off?

- No, no, no. - There we go.

Oh.

Mr. and Mrs. Pfaff,

do you see those specks in the left lung?

- Mm-hmm. - Melanoma cells,

which means the cancer's metastasized.

So what's the prognosis?

I'd say you've got two, maybe three weeks left to live

in that hotel,

'cause you'll be moving

into Ms. Caldwell's classic six on the Park

once her ass is six feet under.

Yeah!

See, babe? I told you.

Anna is Manhattan's best realtor.

Yep, because my sister

is Manhattan's best hospice nurse.

They call me the Grim Realtor.

I like to have fun with my materials.

Cute.

The way I see it, once God closes a door,

Anna closes a deal.

Well, it does have everything we need.

Two masters, discreet service entrance,

and the same bedroom alarms Michael Jackson uses.

We'll take it.

But what it doesn't have is the address.

63rd and Broadway?

I told you to only look at co-ops on the Park

between 81st and 82nd.

It's the best block in town.

Yes, but those families never sell, they just...

Hand them down from gentrification to gentrification.

I know. I grew up there.

Which is why I wasn't sure

if I should bring this up or not,

but an apartment on that block did just pop up for sale.

Oh, we'll take it.

It's in your parents' building.

Oh, yoinks.

Uh, they had a bit of a falling out last season.

Autumn.

Yeah, that Page Six blind item

wasn't too tough to decipher.

"What bosomy brat caused a major family tiff

when she cut off jeans company from her own parents?"

May I say, I admire your ruthlessness.

Well, that isn't exactly the whole story, Anna.

- Okay. A momentito. - Oh.

Babe, you have got to try

to be open to new neighborhoods.

We've got to get out of that hotel

before Page Six starts writing

about a certain unisex-named Wall Street bull

taking precautions and Special K

with his special K Street bear.

Maybe I should write for Page Six.

I don't know, I don't know.

Okay. Let's go see it.

Anna, would your sister be hospice-able

to sneak Ms. Caldwell enough Dilaudid

to miss us sneaking through di-lauded apartment?

- I am on fire with these. - No, Blair,

I'm talking about going to see the apartment in my parents' building.

- What? - I deserve to live on that block.

And why should I avoid them? They should avoid me.

Yay!

Get the fuck out and get me the apartment, bitch.

Done.

Who is it?

It's so good to see you.

- It is? - Yes, it is!

Are you cra... get in here, Dawn!

Jesus Christ.

I mean, shit!

Ah. Man, look at you.

Come in, come in.

- Hey, you want to hit this? - Okay.

Huh. It's on my parents' floor.

Mm-hmm.

Huh.

It's on my parents' side of the building.

Huh. It's behind my parents' door.