American Dad!

* good morning, usa! *

* I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day *

* the sun in the sky has a smile on his face *

* and he's shining a salute to the american race *

* oh, boy, it's swell to say *

* good morning, usa *

Captioning sponsored by 20th century fox television

And toyota. Moving forward.

Nice! The mobile lab's back from the garage.

I see they didn't put on

The semi-erotic mudflaps I suggested.

Can we get on with this?

Yes, of course.

Now, once you're in the brain of bin laden's cat,

Code name buffy, you're to find out

If she's overheard any terrorist intel,

Then ask her why she tries to scratch me when I pet her.

Does she hate me?

I do everything for her.

You know, ray, this is highly experimental.

There's no guarantee you'll come out alive.

What do I care?

My kids are out of the house. My wife left me.

Very good. Just sign right here.

Ray, you had a wife?

I always thought...

I don't know what I thought.

I never think about you.

Anyway, director bullock, I have to take off early today.

My kids are leaving for the summer.

Uh-oh. This is how it starts.

Ruth and I were happily married for 25 years,

But when the kids left for college,

We sat down to dinner one night and boom!

She realized how boring I was.

I'm not worried about that.

Francine will never leave me.

Oh, yeah?

Without your kids, you got no buffer.

And you're more boring than I am!

It's true. No one wants to eat lunch with you.

Well, even if I am boring,

Francine will never find out.

I've got an ace in the hole.

All right, ray,

You're going into the cat's mind

In three, two...

He's safely in.

Good.

Anybody else care for a go?

It's super fun.

Have fun at camp, honey.

If anyone needs me, I'll be living in a tree,

Protesting logging.

No one needs you.

I can't believe my babies are leaving for the whole summer.

Hit it, hit, it, hit it!

And don't write. Whoo-hoo-hoo!

For the first time in 18 years,

We have the whole house to ourselves!

Just you and me getting to know each other all over again.

That sounds great, francine.

But I think you're forgetting about...

...The madman we hide in the attic.

He requires our constant attention.

Sorry, honey. No alone time for us.

Phew. I had to get out of there.

It really smelled.

I threw up in the shower, and it didn't go down the drain,

And now the tub's overflowing, and I want some iced tea,

And I know you know I want it now!

Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on.

damn it!

Hey, f-bombs.

Roger, I see you're busy, but I was thinking it's time

I teach you how to do some stuff on your own.

The laundry, cleaning, making your own iced tea...

: * no. *

We can make a game of it.

I'm going to be colton lansington,

A renegade space cop who struggles

To keep his bipolar disorder in check.

Okay, colton.

You just had a busy space day

And now you'd like to cool down

With some intergalactic iced tea.

Now, you take two scoops of powder...

Colton doesn't take orders from nobody!

I'm off my meds!

Well, lookie, lookie.

Seems we've got ourselves a cabin of bunk-boobs next door.

I'm gonna freshen up, then make with the introducies.

You're just gonna walk right up to those girls?

Snotters, this is camp.

We left our reputations as nerds back home.

It's a chance to reinvent ourselves.

: Hey there. Name's joss.

I'm a tennis player from vegas.

But most people know me for my niçoise salad.

: I'm leo.

I like making love with the lights on.

Boy: Geeks!

Get 'em!

Aye! Aye! Aye! Aye! Yah!

You know how you're always making a mess

And I have to clean it up?

Well, this invention... Roger?

Checkin' out my pow-pow.

Continue.

What up, dink?

Cleaning up after roger again?

Did he have another ticker-tape parade

Because the deli finally named a sandwich after him?

Actually, stan, I'm teaching roger to be self-sufficient,

So we can finally have our alone time.

Great.

Now, there are three settings.

Roger on a hard roll!

I got problems, fish.

Francine wants to spend the summer alone,

Just the two of us.

Yeah! You are going to be sexing!

No, you don't get it.

Francine and I haven't been alone together in 18 years.

What if she thinks I'm boring and leaves me?

I knew the kids couldn't be my buffer forever,

But roger was my ace in the hole.

If he learns how to take care of himself,

It'll just be me and francine.

That's why you're stressed?

Stan, it's roger. He can't do anything on his own.

You'll never have to worry about being alone with francine.

You're right. What am I thinking?

Roger's an idiot.

He can't take care of himself.

He's like a baby. Or africa!

That was good. That was good.

I don't believe it.

We're here two minutes and already we're branded as nerds.

I can't even wear my new sandals now!

No one's gonna buy it!

Oh, face it, steve.

No matter where we go, we're just gonna be...

Losers.

But how'd they figure it out so fast?

What do these guys got that we don't?

Oh, my god, that's it.

Boxer shorts!

Fellas, if we want to be cool,

We've got to shed these whities of tight,

And get ourselves some of those.

Stan, I have a surprise for you!

You know how I've been training roger

To be more self-sufficient?

Well, guess what he did this afternoon?

He moved out!

We're finally alone.

No kids, no alien, just you and me.

Oh, and more good news!

The cable's out and I just got my period,

So there's nothing to do but talk and talk and talk.

roger?

come here, boy!

Stan, he's not here. He got his own place.

Now, let's go inside and talk.

We can't! We have to go visit roger.

I got him a housewarming gift.

This is not from the both of us.

Stan! Francine!

Buenas noches. Welcome to mi casa.

Oh, you're learning spanish?

You got to in this neighborhood,

If you wanna read the mcdonald's billboards.

This is for you.

All right.

Well, why don't I give you the tour?

This room is the kitchen slash bedroom slash living room

Slash dance studio.

My hammies.

It's wonderful, roger.

How are you paying for this?

I got a job at colonial pet store.

You? Working?

Francine, pour yourself a drink.

Stan and I need to talk.

I heard what you said.

That I couldn't do anything on my own.

Well, look around, jerk. It's all mine.

And I'll have you know that I've only called 911 once today,

Because some cholos broke in.

They stole my swimming jeans.

Roger, look, I'm sorry you heard what I said.

Please, just move back home.

You miss me, huh?

Miss my dana carvey impersonations?

Well, it's too late, stan.

I'm self-sufficient now.

Get used to it.

I don't want my rug to smell like smoke.

I'm so proud of you, roger.