Rent-a-Kid

Now remember, kids.

It's not every couple that's willing to adopt three brothers and sisters.

So I expect you to behave.

Catch my drift?

Brandon, Kyle, Molly,

welcome to your new home. Come on.

Molly, this is your room.

Go ahead, open the door.

Wow!

There's more, honey, come along.

Oh, boy!

Hi!

Children,

we have only one rule in our home.

And that rule is...

Keep out of this room.

Do not open this door no matter what.

Do you all understand?

That's fine.

Now, go have fun.

Thank you.

What do you think's in there?

Bodies,

of the adopted children that came before us.

It's probably just their office or something.

Come on.

Molly?

Molly!

What are you doing? Get away from there.

It's unlocked!

You just couldn't keep walking, could you?

You had to break the rule!

You had to ruin a good thing.

You just couldn't behave.

It's all your fault.

- It's all your fault. - It's all your fault.

- It's all your fault. - It's all your fault.

It's all your fault.

It's all your fault.

It's all my fault.

It's all my fault.

It's all my fault.

It's my fault.

It's my fault.

It's my fault.

It's my fault.

It's my fault.

It's okay, Molly, wake up.

You're having a nightmare.

Come on, let's go.

We're gonna miss breakfast.

The important thing is, Mr. and Mrs. Lachman

is that we at Mid-Valley know that you would provide

a loving and caring home for any of our children.

Well, thank you,

but we would like a little more time to discuss this.

Oh sure, absolutely. And listen, feel free to visit

as many times as you'd like, okay.

I mean, this is not a decision that should be rushed.

Mr. Haber!

Hey, Molly!

You remember Mr. and Mrs. Lachman, don't you?

Hi, Molly

It's nice to see you again, Molly.

Thank you, it's very nice to see you again, too.

Also.

Mr. Haber, Kyle found another frog!

He's gonna operate.

What? Well, where did he get the knife?

I left specific orders, no knives.

Um, you'll have to excuse me, okay.

Listen, feel free to call me

if you have any questions at all, okay.

I'll be here right through Thanksgiving.

Kids.

Uh, than you Mr. Haber, we will.

Yeah.

Mr. Brown, I'm confident

that you can expect a full recovery.

Where is he?

Right there.

Kyle! Kyle! Kyle!

Oh, my God!

Give me the knife.

It's not a knife, it's a scalpel.

It's not a scalpel, it's a sharpened spoon.

Now hand it over.

Head's up!

What are we going to do with you three? Huh?

I mean, how many times do we have to have these talks?

I mean, don't you want to be adopted?

Well then, why don't you behave in a manner

that prospective parents will find appealing?

Yes, Kyle.

For Thanksgiving, can we have the smooth cranberry sauce

instead of the lumpy?

Sometimes they leave the stems in the lumpy kind.

Those are grasshopper legs.

They leave them in there to preserve the freshness.

That's just the kind of behavior I'm talking about, Brandon.

Listen, Kyle,

when you perform surgery on live animals,

it kind of makes grownups feel a little uneasy, okay?

And Molly, when I'm...

Where did you get this one?

I found him by the dumpster.

And he had no collar.

She took it off, and she didn't find him by the dumpster.

She pulled him out of a Mercedes.

After she killed the driver.

Did not, you liar!

Can I keep him?

Oh, hang on, he just walked out of his meeting.

David Miller.

Oh, here. Listen,

take the wards back to their room and see if you can get

Molly to give you the dog collar, okay?

-What dog? -The dog.

If you can get the collar from her,

call the owners of the dog up

and tell them where they can find their dog.

David, hey pal,

how are you doing? How're they biting?

Three footer?

Yeah, any witnesses?

What, are you kidding me?

Thanksgiving in Florida, that sounds wonderful.

Oh, wait a minute. I can't.

I got nobody here to watch the kids.

No, you know, they've all gone out to visit

cousins and sisters and stuff. I'm stuck.

My father?

It's a little uncomfortable.

I couldn't agree with you more, Mrs. Olsen.

Although you would be surprised to hear how many of my customers

find that chair a little uncomfortable.

This one is good.

That's the Weisman Padded 2000. Well built, well balanced,

hard cushion to stimulate the buttocks.

Personally, I will not sit in anything else myself.

It's a dollar twelve a day, including tax.

A dollar twelve?

How do you make any money at this?

That's the beauty of renting, Mrs. Olsen.

You take this 6 dollar Clear-Thru XKI,

I rent this for twenty six cents a day.

I rent each one of these 200 days out of the year.

Now in terms of annual profit, that's... plenty,

I don't have to tell you.

But the beauty of this is,

you haven't bought something

that you can't bring back if you don't like it.

200 times a year?

Hand washed by my staff.

Brought to your doorstep.

Sterile as molten steel.

Well, you've certainly given the rental business

a great deal of thought.

I've devoted my life to the subject.

So you want me to take care of your children's home

for the next ten days.

Now, is that what you're asking?

Oh, Dad, you'd be doing me a great favor.

-Hey, and listen... -Yeah.

You could bring Mr. Twixel here because the kids love dogs.

How long would you need me for?

Ten days, Dad. You just said it, ten.

Actually, that'll take me through, uh...

And including Thanksgiving Thursday.

You remember Mrs. Pierce, don't you?

She makes a great spread for the kids. I mean, lots of turkey.

Yeah. Is that real turkey? The full bird?

Of course, it's the full bird.

We got any more table lamps in blue?

Nope, all gone.

Hold on.

Here.

And don't forget to charge for the bulb.

Are we gonna just sit here in the dark, Dad?

It's holiday time, all my lamps are rented.

Hold on.

There.

Now... my duties as the Substitute Assistant Director

will entail what, exactly?

Dad, virtually nothing,

because Thanksgiving is always a dead week.

Dad, you just take a few messages.

You'll watch the football game. I mean, it'll be a breeze.

I'm telling you Dad, I could really, really use the break.

Well, why not.

If a father can't help out a son,

then I say to everlasting hell

with both of them, right?

Right.

That looks great.

-Son... -Yeah.

I've been going over your files here.

I've been studying the entire orphanage operation

and I think I have solved your problem.

Problem? What problem? I don't have a problem.