Suits LA

Previously on "Suits LA"...

I've been up and running

as the head of the Criminal Division since Monday.

- Then we need to make an announcement

as soon as possible.

Big, splashy case, preferably related to entertainment.

- You know Sierra Carson? - Of course I do.

Teen star accused of assaulting her father.

- Don't you wanna know if I did it?

Not right now.

- I believe I have myself a new attorney, Your Honor.

- "The Office" was a work of genius!

- Even Toby was funnier than you!

- So you told Patton to start that whole thing with me?

I did.

- I need to know if I'm facing criminal charges.

- You got yourself into this; you can get yourself out.

- Yeah, I killed Janet Fields, and I will kill you.

But I'm not gonna have to,

'cause you don't wanna hurt Helen.

Or your sweet children.

- I recorded everything that you just said.

So if anything ever happens to my good friend,

you are going to spend

the rest of your life in prison.

- Okay, but if that gets heard, you know what I'm capable of.

Come on, guys, you're supposed to come in on the--

ah, suck it.

You two take the fun out of everything.

What the hell? You hit me.

- I hit you because you stopped short.

- I stopped exactly where I'm supposed to stop,

and maybe you would have seen that

if you weren't busy dancing to some '90s boy band music.

- I was listening to no such thing.

Oh, really? Is this you?

That is not how I car dance.

And even if I were expressing joy during a very popular song

that just happened to be on,

there's a sign right there that says,

no stopping unless you're an idiot.

- It doesn't say that! - You're right.

It says no stopping unless you're a moron--my bad.

- You better rethink calling me a moron

in front of my flesh and blood.

- It can't be a surprise to them.

They better pray it skips a generation.

Just give me your information

before I skip on over to the police.

- Fine. Now, get back into

your roller skate you call a car.

Never want to see your "Drake & Josh" guest star face again.

I recurred on "Drake & Josh,"

and I was a lead on "Community."

- An overrated show if there ever was one.

- "Community" is one of the greatest sitcoms ever filmed,

and don't you forget it.

- I will forget it the same way the American public has.

Oh, it's on,

you ZZ Top-looking moth--

That's right.

I said it.

New car?

It's a loaner.

Some stupid mom stopped short in the drop-off lane.

- And you hit her? - That's what she's claiming.

And let me guess.

You told her very calmly it wasn't a problem,

and you came to a mature resolution.

- What's your point? - That you have a temper.

- Since when do I have a temper?

- When they put the wrong soap in the bathrooms.

- Hygiene's important. What are we, cavemen?

- Ben's Pomeranian. - It's not a service animal.

Carol's time-off request.

I'll give you that one,

though I still think preeclampsia

sounds like a made-up condition.

I mean, think about it.

You never hear about post-eclampsia.

What is wrong with you?

- The point is, just 'cause this woman's on TV

doesn't mean she can get away

with forcing me to rear-end her.

Wait, did you just say on TV?

- Maybe. - Who is it?

I'd rather not say.

Why not?

- Because, upon further reflection,

she may be Rick's client.

Maybe or is?

- That is an interesting question--to be or not to be?

Stuart, who is this woman?

Yvette Nicole Brown.

Let me get this straight.

You rear-ended Rick's client, insisted on it being her fault,

and called her an idiot in front of the entire school.

How can you know that?

Were you there? - No.

I've known you for longer than five seconds.

Now, let me tell you what's going to happen.

You're going to call Yvette,

tell her you'll pay for any damage,

and apologize for getting worked up.

But I don't want to.

- Then you can supplement Rick's bonus

to the tune of 5% of her earnings every year

from now until forever.

- I could probably lob a call her way.

Okay.

So the charge is aggravated assault,

which means they're going to say

that not only did you hurt your father,

you intended serious bodily injury.

Now, we're going to argue that they cannot prove

that that was your intent.

That was my intent.

Walk me through why.

- There was this part that I was offered.

A real role-- like a chance to prove

that I'm more than some stupid teen star.

And he killed it.

- So you found that out, you came home,

and you just threw the statue at him?

- No, I told him I'm sick of him

trying to control everything that I do,

and he said that part would make me a joke.

I screamed at him.

He wants me to stay that little girl

from "Wholesome Creek" forever.

He said, that little girl won that award.

I took one look at it,

lost it, and threw it at his face.

And then what happened?

Blood started pouring out,

so I called 911.

And they took him to the hospital,

and then they arrested me.

Okay, we do have a hearing

to get you access to your money for your defense.

So is there anything else I might need to know?

- It's not just my career my dad tries to control.

I mean, he won't even let me see my money.

I think he's spending it on himself.

I don't trust him.

He won't even show me the books.

Well, that all ends today.

What's taking him so long?

It's Stuart's bachelor party.

He can take as long as he wants.

But since we are waiting,

tomorrow's our last day in California.

Do you want to go to Universal Studios?

Do you want to go to the beach?

Anything you want to do.

I want to visit Samantha.

- Eddie, things are a little complicated with Samantha.

We haven't spoken since she left.

I miss her.

Don't you miss her too?

Yeah, I miss her, but--

- Hey, who's ready for a bachelor party?

- Ah! - What's up, Eddie?

Come here.

Okay, okay.

Hey, bud, do you want to wait for us in the car?

All right.

- He seems good, given everything.

He doesn't know.

- His father's on trial, and he doesn't know?

- If he knew, he'd want to be there,

and I don't want him to hear what that bastard

is capable of, so no.

- Well, what happens if they find him guilty?

- I will drive off that bridge when I get to it.

Either way, thank you very much

for moving your bachelor party to this weekend.

- Of course, man, you're my best friend in the world.

I'd move it to Mars if it would help.

I'm only sad you're not here for longer.

We're not gonna kiss, are we?

- Everything's on the table tonight, Ted.

It's my last hurrah. Helen wouldn't mind.

- Do you think that Helen is saying the same sort of thing

at her bachelorette?

That's not funny.

Yes, it is.

- Patton, what are you doing here?

- I am here to sign my contract.

- Yeah, let me explain to you how that works.

You sign... - Mm-hmm.

After I'm done negotiating.

- Ted, this is my dream role, okay?

I've been dying to do a movie like this for years.

- They're not gonna recast you. - You don't know that.

What I know is,

if you sign now, any demands that you might have--

- I have no problems with the contract

as it currently stands.

I'll sign, okay?