Angie Tribeca

They're calling it one of today's news stories.

Two fugitives... Angela Tribeca and Angela Geils Jr.

Are on the run after a plot to steal the Louisiana Purchase

was foiled by Vice President Perry.

Their last known location was inside a convenience store.

Do you have anything to clean off DNA?

No. Sorry.

Can I get a six-pack of Coors Light?

And a beef roll-up.

Credit or debit?

Do you take bills with fluorescent dye all over 'em?

Just nothing over $20.

I'm gonna go warm up the car.

You in the convenience store, they're right in front of you.

Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Don't even think about it.

Grab the beer.

Nice car you got here, lady.

Trade you this crowbar for it.

Sucker!

Ugh! They didn't clean.

Uh, yeah. We're gonna need housekeeping in room 102.

Look out!

No, it's fine.

Everything's been lovely so far.

Yeah, thank you. Okay.

What's going on, son?

It's just hitting, you know?

The SDF, the "team." It was all a shame.

Scholls, Atkins.

Jesus! Charo.

The woman I went to second base with.

She was playing me the whole time.

Don't forget Hoffman.

More people in my life that abandoned me.

Hey. That is not fair, okay?

I abandoned you to make my life easier,

not for some kind of international land grab.

How could I believe in anybody anymore?

You can't. I learned a long time ago

that human beings are rotten to the core.

They only do things that benefit them in the short term.

I call that bed.

I thought they cared about us.

I thought they cared what we're doing.

I know.

You were so stupid.

But hey. You got me, okay?

And I'm never, ever gonna abandon you...

for a second time.

And even though he hasn't been featured in this season,

your father cares about you, too.

That's why he sent this for you in the mail.

Dad's badge.

I can't believe he remembered my birthday.

Yeah, how could anyone forget that?

That's why I got you this very special, uhh,

bible with a bullet hole in it.

Whoa. Cool.

You could spin it on your finger and everything.

Thanks, mom! Now, what's this about going to second base?

I want them found, and I want them found now.

Are those them!

Oh, my God. Every time.

So, who wants to tell me how we let

A.J. and Tribeca escape after we flawlessly framed them

for stealing the Louisiana Purchase?

Hmm?

I'm gonna start calling on people.

Sweetheart, we've tracked their location to a 25-mile radius.

Their credit cards have been frozen.

Their passports have been canceled,

and their Uber ratings have been downgraded to one star.

I can't stay mad at you.

There's something going on between you two.

Listen, Joe, I take full responsibility

for the fact that these guys screwed up,

but we need to stay focused on the task at hand.

Returning the Louisiana Purchase to the President of France.

Thereby undoing the disastrous transaction made in 1803.

And forming a new country in the central United States

of which you will be made President,

and I will be First Lady.

Yes. Yes.

Now then, the President of France

is awaiting my arrival at Gerard Depardieu Airport.

While I'm aboard Air Force Two,

I want you to track down A.J. and Tribeca.

They're the only thing that stands between me

and becoming the president of what I'm gonna call

Lil' France with a hop-hop apostrophe after Lil'

to play to the younger citizens.

You said you were going to name it Scholls.

It didn't test well.

Good call on whoever ordered the deli platter.

I am famished.

Ohh.

What are we gonna do?

Once that document gets to France, it's game over.

They'll have the deed to the entire Midwest.

Okay, so we figure out a way to sneak aboard Air Force Two.

We secure the Purchase.

Hold Perry hostage. Notify the president.

And then land safely at Andrews Air Force Base.

Air Force Two is the second-most secure plane in the world.

I realize that. And we're wanted fugitives.

Our faces are plastered all over town.

But his isn't.

But our faces are.

And we're the ones that need to get on the plane.

But if one of us had his face, we would sail right through.

But one of us doesn't.

So, we still have the same problem.

But what if one of us did?

Ugh.

She's saying that if you cut off my face

and put it on one of your faces, you can pass through security.

Oh, so you mean we take his...

face off?

I will become him.

Sorry, folks. Looks like Air Force Two

is stuck here another 45 minutes.

Cardin!

How the hell did you get away from those animals?

It sure as hell wasn't easy.

Tribeca put up quite a fight.

Man, she's amazing.

What happened to your French accent?

Oh, right.

You know that thing where you start to bond with your captors?

I must have taken on their accent.

Oh, there it is!

Ahh, liberation!

Ah, it's very sweet and...

Anyway. Pierre. You're here.

How on earth?

Actually, it was easiest on earth.

Tribeca and A.J. were no match for Pierre Cardin.

Although Tribeca does somehow manage

to be both tough and elegant at the same time.

Really? That's not how I would describe her.

Okay, folks.

Looks like we've got things sorted out here

and are ready to board Air Force Two.

We are calling families and small children

and anybody who needs additional time to get on the aircraft.

Let's go.

- Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. - It's a red light.

Oh, no, no, no.

And then we went to Jefferson Memorial.

Ugh. Hands down, filthiest bathrooms I've ever seen.

I could barely flush. Zero toilet paper.

Urine all over the sink.

Could you maybe find another seat?

Oh, sorry.

Secret Service has to stay near

the vice president at all times.

Season Two of "The Detour." Nice.

That chime means we've reached our cruising altitude,

and you are free to silently fart in your seat.

Oh, good.

Uh, pardon me, I'm going to see

if they have gluten-free blankets.

What can I get for you, Mr. Vice President?

I'll just have a cup of coffee, please.

We have Coors Light.

Coors Light, as in born in the Rockies, Coors Light?

Yes. Well, why didn't you say so?

I'll have one now and another one in an hour

when my body has safely metabolized the first one.

And that's it. Good thinking, sir.

I hope it wasn't too cramped in there for you.

Thanks, mom. How we doing?

Armed and dangerous, son. Armed and dangerous.

Let's move. Okay. You work your way up from the back.

I'm gonna follow this compartment all the way to the front.

Copy that. And hey.

Be careful.

I don't want anything happening to my baby boy.

Hyah!

Hyah!

Whoo.

Hyah!

Ha!

Hyah!