Sons of the Desert

Brothers, Sons of the Desert,

we are all familiar with the business of this special meeting.

This oasis must meet the situation with determination.

Excuse us.

I repeat. This oasis must face the situation with determination.

Every man must be accounted for.

Every man must do his part.

There must be no weaklings in our midst.

We must put our very hearts and souls into this great undertaking.

There must be no thought of failure.

We must stand shoulder to shoulder.

We must work. We must sacrifice.

The weak must be helped by the strong.

For, gentlemen, this, the oldest lodge

in the great Order of the Sons of the Desert

must be represented 100%

in our annual convention at Chicago next week.

We will now take the oath.

And, remember, once taken, this oath has never been broken by any man

down through the centuries of time in the history

of this fraternal organisation.

If any member is doubtful

of his strength to keep this solemn pledge,

he will please be seated.

Get up!

- I don't want to... - (SHUSHES)

Place yourselves in position to receive the oath.

Do you all solemnly swear to be present at our 87th annual convention

at Chicago?

I do.

Me too.

Wholeheartedly unanimous.

Why didn't you want to take the oath?

- I was afraid. - Afraid of what?

I was afraid if I took the oath to go to the convention,

that maybe my wife wouldn't let me go.

Of course, she'll let you go. Why, she'll have to let you go.

You took an oath!

I know. That's what I'm worrying about.

The Exhausted Ruler said that if you took an oath

that it would have to be broken for

generations of centuries of hundreds of years.

And my wife...

Do you have to ask your wife everything?

If I didn't ask her, I wouldn't know what she wanted me to do.

I never realised such a deplorable condition existed in your home.

Why don't you pattern your life after mine?

I go places and do things and then tell my wife.

Every man should be the king in his own castle.

Buck up. Go in and tell her you're going to the convention.

Be a man! And I'll see you in the morning.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Ollie, dear? - Yes, sugar?

- Stanley with you? - He just went in the house.

Well, you better tell him that Betty went duck-hunting

and that she won't be back until late.

All righty.

- Oh, Oliver! - Yes, baby?

Please close the door. There's an awful draught in here.

What do you want?

- How'd you get in there? - I was looking for Betty.

- I came in the back way. I thought... - Betty has gone duck-hunting

and won't be home until late.

- Oh. Well, good night. - Good night.

What?

Do you realise that you've locked me out?

Why don't you ring the bell? She'll let you in.

Don't get nervous. She'll be here in a minute.

Where do you think I live?

What do you think this is? Halloween? Come in here, you bad boy. Come on.

- What do you want? - I locked myself out.

- Oh, sugar? - Yes?

Do you mind if Stanley comes and stays with us until Betty comes home?

He's locked out.

Oh, all right.

What are you eating?

- An apple. - Where'd you get it?

- In there. - Why, that's not real fruit.

It's imitation. It's made of wax.

What's he been doing now?

He's been eating that phoney fruit.

Oh. So, that's where it's been going.

That's the third apple I've missed this week.

- Well, what's new, sugar? - Oh, nothing much.

- What's new with you? - Nothing to speak of.

Yes, there is.

You didn't tell her about going to the convention.

What convention?

That's right. I'm glad you reminded me!

You see, the Sons of the Desert are giving their annual convention

in Chicago next week and Stan and I are going.

- Oh, you are? - We thought the trip would do us good,

besides being good for us in a business way.

You see, we'll meet new friends

and see a lot of new faces

and the change of climate will be good for us in a good many ways.

Besides, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Jack who?

- I hope you have a nice time, dear. - Thank you, sugar.

- What's that for? - Just this. You're not going.

- What do you mean, I'm not going? - Just that.

You're not going to the convention.

You're going to the mountains with me.

But he can't go to the mountains. You see, he took an oath.

- And the Exhausted Ruler said... - Listen, dodo. You keep out of this.

Wait a minute, sugar, there's no use getting excited.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Certainly. Life isn't short enough.

- Are you going? - Eh?

- I said, are you going? - Yes, sugar... Er, Mrs Hardy.

- Who said so? - Him.

Oh. Well, you can do as you please,

but you're going to the mountains with me!

Now, wait a minute. You listen to this.

I want this understood once and for all!

I'm not going to the convention. I'm going to the mountains!

That's just what I said,

that you're not going to the mountains,

that you're going to the co...

That you're going to the mountains.

- Why don't you compromise? - What do you mean "compromise"?

- Well, he means... - Oh, shut up!

If you think you're going off with a lot of hoodlums,

to a convention whenever you want, you're not.

Not for a minute, you're not! I slave here day after day,

washing and ironing till my fingers bleed!

And do you appreciate it? Do you?

- Well... - Shut up! Don't talk back to me.

I'm unselfish, what does it get me? Working for your interests.

I've planned a vacation for you in the mountains

at a nice resort where they play bridge

and have lectures on art.

I fight crowds in department stores,

dying of the heat, killing myself trying to get a nice outfit together.

Why? Why?

- Why? - Oh, you keep out of this!

I'll tell you why. So you won't be ashamed of me.

And do you appreciate it? Do you?

You want to take the first chance to run out to the convention.

Convention!

You'll go to the convention over my dead body!

I'll put you in jail first! And you too!

With the rest of the Sons... Oh, the Sons of the Desert!

Ow!

Oh!

- What do you think? - Oh, don't pay any attention to her.

She's only clowning. She'll snap out of it.

Are you gonna stand for that?

You're darn right I'm not gonna stand for it!

I'm the boss in this house

and when I say I'm going to the convention, I'm going...

- Oh, Lottie? - Hello, Betty. Come on in.

Didn't have much luck today, but here's a couple for you.

Oh, thanks, Betty.

What's the matter? You look worried.

I had a run-in with that barnacle of mine. Stanley's in there too.

Oh.

And furthermore, you're making a big mistake.

What do you mean?

If you're not careful, she's going to get the upper hand of you.

Now mark my words.

The upper hand of me? (SCOFFS) Impossible.

All right. Have it your own way.

I may not be king of my castle,

but I certainly wouldn't allow my wife to wear any pants.

I'd like to see my old woman throwing things around. It's disgraceful.

Never heard of such goings-off... On.

You know, if my ball and chain ever talked to me...

If she even dared to raise a...

- Do you know what I'd say? - What?

I'd say...

Hello, honey. Er...

Well, you think it over. I'll see you in the morning.

- There now. There. - (SHIVERS)

There, that's better.

I wonder what could be the matter with me.

It looks to me like a severe nervous breakdown.

You've gone all to pieces and it happened so suddenly.

Probably that terrible argument we had the other night caused it.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

- Where is Stanley? - He's gone out.

Where'd he go?

Well, he didn't want me to tell you,

but he's awfully worried about you,

and thought you ought to have a doctor.

Why did you let him do that? You know I don't like doctors.

Now, don't get all upset. I know what's good for you.

You're going to have a doctor