The Spy Next Door

Mom! Jethro's eating my underwear!

Here, piggy, piggy, piggy. Jethro.

Mom, before she starts, there isn't a shred of evidence

- to support her allegations. - Gillian, your son is a psycho.

- He booby-trapped my hair dryer. - Nice hypothesis, but you can't prove it.

- Yeah, but I can hurt you. - Mom! Mom! She needs to be medicated.

- Come on, Jethro. - Come here.

I hate this family. Come here.

Jethro, you're getting a time out.

Come on, guys. Backpack.

- What? It's in style. - It's inappropriate. Go put on some jeans.

And spit out the gum.

So, what color do you want to wear today?

Red? Blue? Purple?

Pink, Momma, pink.

- Farren. - What? You said jeans.

I meant in your size.

Come on, guys. Come on. We don't want to be late. There you go.

Come on, sweetie.

- No! - Get out!

No fighting.

Allow me.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Are we still on for dinner? - I'll be there.

We have an audience.

- Yuck. I'm going to vomit. - He is such a loser.

I like Bob. He's nice.

He's a boring pen importer. He does the same routine every day.

- He's like a robot. - That's 'cause he is a robot.

A cyborg, sent from the future, to destroy humanity. Starting with us.

Well, it's been three months. Happy anniversary.

What is it?

I have to tell you about my job.

This might shock you,

but you should know everything before this relationship goes further.

- Don't, Bob. - What?

I'm very happy when I'm with you.

No one has ever made me laugh like you do,

and if I were a single woman, I could see a real future for us.

But I'm a package deal.

What do you mean?

My kids are my priority and... How can I put this gently?

- They hate me. - Yeah.

- I can make them like me. - See?

You can't make kids like you, not mine or anyone's.

My kids have been through a lot, and...

I don't think we should take the next step until they warm up to you.

Doesn't your happiness count?

Excuse me.

Sorry, I gotta go. Emergency at work.

- No ink? - It's much bigger.

Sorry, really. I will explain everything tomorrow.

Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.

- What took you so long to get here? - Six minutes.

- You stop for a latte? - I get it. You're...

- What's the expression? Chopping my bust. - Close enough.

Poldark and a couple other Russkys just went in the refinery.

Then I was right. He's planning something.

Maybe they just want to fill up their gas tanks for free.

- I couldn't blame them. - No, that man's so crooked,

he could eat nails and poop corkscrews.

You're the world's foremost authority on Poldark.

What do you think he's up to?

If his mission is to sabotage the world's oil reserves,

why would he care about some two-bit refinery like this one?

I'll make sure you get a chance to ask him.

How the heck are you going to get in there? A jet pack?

It's in the shop.

Wait for my signal.

Yuri.

- What's this? - C-4.

When we are done here, I want you to blow this place to smithereens.

Hurry up. I don't have all day. There is no overtime here.

Bob Ho.

I would love to chat, but I gotta go.

- Up there. Go, go, go, go. - Move it.

- Move. - Hold it. Stay where you are.

That was fun. A good aerobic workout.

We should do this again sometime.

Okay, Poldark, let's go.

We have suspect in custody.

Did you see the look on Poldark's face, man?

Brilliant work, Bob. Unbelievable.

I really hate to see you go home. You're the best agent I've ever had.

Hey, you know I'm standing right here.

Maybe I can get your government to loan you to me just a little bit longer.

No. This was my last assignment. I'm retiring.

- Don't tell me because of Gillian. - I want a normal life. I want to get married.

Oh, heck, man. Don't get married.

Just find some woman that you're going to hate in five years

and give her your house.

Keep the watch. A memento, compliments of the CIA.

So, Gillian? Is that the woman that lives next door to your cover house?

- Yeah, they've been stepping out. - I could never give up this life for a woman.

We're spies, man.

Every little boy wants to be a spy. It's the life.

All the hours you spend sitting alone in a little room like this,

eating cold take-out food in the back of a surveillance van,

getting shot at all the time,

learning how to pee in a bottle in a moving vehicle.

- You're doing the right thing. - Only problem is that her kids hate me.

You the man.

Really gonna miss you, Ho. Good luck with those kids.

I've brought down dictators. How tough can three kids be?

- Come on, Ringo, come on. - Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

- Ringo! - Don't worry. Come on. Come on.

- Come on. Right here. - Come on, Ringo.

- Come on, Ringo. - Ringo.

Hi, kids.

I'm sorry about running out last night.

- It's all right. It's your job. - No, it was rude.

I promise it will never happen again.

Mom, what about Ringo?

We've tried everything, sweetheart. He'll come down when he's ready.

You want to see what I've been working on?

Sure.

Ringo, Ringo! Come on, kitty. It's not that far.

Please, please, please, Ringo.

There you go.

- So, what do you think? - Well...

It's a work-in-progress.

Sadly, I didn't have any time to work on it today.

Cat was on the roof, satellite's broken again.

I spent two hours on hold trying to get a repairman out here,

and I can't stop thinking about last night.

So, are we okay?

I understand.

If a man marries you, he marries all four of you.

Don't forget the pig, the cat and the turtle.

So, do you really like it?

It frightens me.

Sometimes I think I found the last honest man left in the world.

I brought you all cookies.

- Yes? - Is it true? You're going to marry Bob?

- What? Whoa! Calm down. - You can't do this, Gillian.

You're, like, so far above him.

What she means is he's boring. He's a geek.

He's a very nice man who treats me very well.

- He's a pen importer. - He's a cyborg.

You all don't know him like I do.

He's very passionate about the world and about my art.

He likes to talk about history, science and politics.

I see what you mean about him not being boring.

What you all call boring, I call dependable.

For once, I'd like a man who goes to work every day at the same time,

and who comes home every single night.

A man who doesn't lie, or cheat, or leave his family the first time some...

My happiness counts, too.

I hate it when old people have feelings.

We gotta deep-six Bob.

- What's the story here? - They hit Poldark's prison transport caravan

- at the edge of town. - Tell me he didn't get away.

He's as gone as rum cake at an AA meeting.

I'm telling you, this whole thing was a setup.

They knew he was coming.

Are you saying there's a mole in the agency?

I'm not saying anything except he got away.

Welcome back.

Tatiana, you can't imagine what it's like in there.

The oppressive darkness and the torture of empty days stretching for years.

- Prison is hell. - You were in there for four hours.

Enough tearful reunion.

I need a new batch of the formula as soon as possible.

We'll run another test in two days.

I need a change of clothes. Something current and fashionable.

And something to eat that does not come with a toy.

The Sea Hag's made Olive into a zombie.

Honey, we're getting ready to carve pumpkins downstairs.

- You want to join us? - Absolutely!

'Cause I'm a loser and I have no life.

Did I mention we're going to toast the pumpkin seeds?

Come on. I want you to join the family.

And I want some privacy.

- Don't get fresh with me. - I'll use whatever tone of voice

- I want to use with you. - Farren, I want you downstairs...

No, I'm not going to come downstairs right now. Get out.

Farren, this is my house. You will listen to me.

You don't own me. Get out. I said, get out, Gillian. Get out!

Downstairs in five minutes.

I hate this house. I hate this family. Get out!

Me spinach!

No, she won't hear me. I'm on the roof.

It's like the only place I can get any privacy in this loony bin.

I can't let Gillian marry this guy.

No, it's not that. I mean, you're right, he is a total drone,

but that's not the issue.

What's going to happen when my dad comes back?

He won't just leave me here alone. He'll be back.

And if she's married, what happens then? I don't know.

Mom, lan's feeding Jethro bacon.

- Okay, that's just wrong. - Why is it wrong?

- Ho, Bob Ho. - Hey. So, how's it going with those kids?

I'm taking Gillian and the children on a picnic.

I'm going to force those kids to like me.

Force them? You know, you might as well try scratching your ear with your elbow.

Guess what? Poldark escaped.

- No longer my problem. - Yeah, I know, but we recovered a file.

It seems to be an entry portal to a website.

We can't crack it. I thought maybe you could take a look at it.

Hey, if you can figure it out, great. If you can't, no harm, no foul.