South Park

Okay.

Let's do it.

If we go down to this-either end, see, you can get it.

Keep going. Keep going. Keep going.

You know what I mean? - Yeah.

- Like this, right? - Yeah, that's good.

- So we're talking to you? - Yeah.

Okay.

We have an amazing show tonight.

Oh, my god.

The creators of the legendary animated series South Park,

Matt Stone and Trey Parker!

South Park's never been Matt and I sitting there going,

"Okay, what's offensive?

What can we do that's offensive?"

Oh, "herro" "prease."

We just are sort of offensive people, so-

Red rocket. Come on, dog. Red rocket.

Oh.

You watched all four days of the Democratic convention...

On Wednesday night, I had to watch South Park, so-

Oh, this is hot scissoring. Scissor me timbers.

All right, I'd like to solve the puzzle.

Buzz!

Ooh.

All the bad in society, it's our fault.

You can blame us.

Now how about we do some scripture readings

from the Book of Mormon?

They have a new musical opening on Broadway

that is getting rave reviews.

It's called The Book of Mormon.

Been here in New York for 2 1/2 months.

This is opening night in about, what, an hour?

South Park seems like a million miles away.

But we start into South Park in two weeks.

We're really stupid.

This was the longest break we've ever had in between runs.

It's been quiet here for the last few months.

It won't be any longer here shortly.

Well...

Knowing we have seven shows coming up

and we don't have any ideas for them yet-

that's typical, but to go back to South Park

is gonna be really hard.

There's this documentary being made on South Park,

so that starts shooting now.

Let's go to the bathroom, boys. Bathroom cam.

Oh, I probably should, actually.

I'll have-

Want to get that little mini detail for 75?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Okay.

Just give me the keys. I'll just give 'em to you.

What's your name? - Trey.

Trey, I'll take care of you-what time you leaving today?

- 5:00 in the morning, probably. - Okay, we'll take care of you.

It is kind of our mission every morning to go in

and come up with ideas and jokes.

Writers' room is off-limits.

I will only bother the writers' room

if there's something that has got to be dealt with

or answered right on the spot.

Man, we got to do seven episodes.

We never had cameras in the writers' room.

Yeah, I mean, it's a really-it's kind of a safe place.

For all the good ideas that we get, there's, like,

100 not-so-good ones.

The Japanese tsunami, which isn't funny at all,

but there is, like-

every-a couple days, it's like,

a new video comes out, 'cause so many people were...

everyone has a video phone.

It... you just... it looks...

oh, it's terrifying.

Anyway, so tsunami video? Tsunami show?

- Not super funny. - Real funny.

"And you got to feel safe to just go, 'What about this?"

"And it's like, people go, 'Well..."

You go, "Okay, you know, I don't take any offense.

You didn't like my idea."

And you got to feel like... it is kind of...

it's weirdly vulnerable.

I've had friends that worked at other shows,

and if you say something that doesn't work,

they're like, "Ah, that sucks.

You suck. You're not funny."

And these guys, it's actually a very kind room,

and I think, like, the worst you get is, "Okay."

The way that they work is definitely, like, having fun,

laughing, chasing that,

and never making it, like, a grind.

It seems like movie trailers make you feel stupid these days.

"Hello, fuck you.

"Kevin James is Zookeeper.

Go see it, asshole."

That trailer. Ugh.

Talking monkey'? In a m-m-movie?

It's gonna help me 9-9-get laid?

Kevin James is a zookeeper. Fuck you.

He's about to get married. Fuck you.

I'm a squirrel. I can't talk. Fuck you.

Pirates of the Caribbean Forty-Fucking-Eight.

Fuck you.

You'll notice that a lot of the people that work here,

they'll be going, walking by back and forth,

and they're always kind of-

'cause they know, the more we're laughing in there,

the less hours they probably have to work in here.

They walk by, there's no laughing,

and Trey's doing this and I'm pulling out my hair-

And it's 3:00 in the afternoon,

and we should be done.

"Oh, god, we're gonna be here fucking late today.

These guys can't think of anything."

You know what's getting a lot of traction in the last, like,

maybe six months is how fucked-up the NCAA is

and how fucked-up it is that players don't get paid.

They're playing on ABC on Sunday in front of, like,

20 million people,

and they can't afford to fly their mom to the game.

You look in the crowd, and everybody's white.

All the athletic directors, everybody's white.

All the players are black.

Or most of them are... you know, 90% of them are black.

And you're like, "Dude, you're selling their image",

"like, on video.

You're signing video game deals."

When I first met him, we had just seen.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Matt, like, really hated it,

and he was kind of going off about it,

and he was like, "it was like a rape."

He just kept saying, like, "The movie was like a rape."

And then... and while he's saying this,

like, Trey's just kind of, like, pacing around,

and then Trey just goes,

"Okay so the boys are coming out of Kingdom"...

And then it was just... it just started... it became...

I was like, "Oh, my god. This is becoming an episode."

Why are they doing this?

They're just taking Indiana Jones, and they're-

they're raping him!

I can't watch!

Let's get out of here, Kyle.

Why would Spielberg and Lucas do this?

Come on! Let's go!

Why are they doing this?

Just run!

So then what if Cartman starts a lucrative business

of getting crack babies to play basketball?

And he videotapes these crack babies-

it becomes really big,

but he doesn't pay the crack babies anything.

Yeah.

Stan's mom volunteers at the hospital

where she holds crack babies,

and Cartman sees a really great investment opportunity.

"The most successful businesses in America

"don't pay their labor.

Don't you understand, Kyle?" - "It's slave labor."

"I see; You're gonna represent the crack babies against me."

"How much money are they paying you, Kyle?"

"No, I'm doing it pro bono." "What?

"You're doing it just to get a fucking boner?

"You know, it'd be fine... if you were doing it for money,

"I'd understand, but just to get a boner, Kyle?

Jesus Christ."

Just to get a boner.

There's on a show on this Wednesday.

We don't even know what it is, and, like, even though

that's the way we've always done it,

there's this little thing going, "Oh, you're screwed.

You're screwed."

And then I tried to get a diversion

and play a little Xbox last night,

and a big ad for South Park came up on the Xbox.

You know, "Starting Wednesday."

And I was just like, "Oh, shit.

Just can't get away from it."

Let's do this.

Let's go till 11:30 trying to come up

with something completely new.

Then from 11:30 to 12:30, we'll pick which of these shows

we're gonna do.

Then we'll come up with a scene for that,

and then we'll be done.

A whole nother show. Hmm.

Last night, I went onto iTunes,

and that thing came up again that's like,

"Your iTunes is out of date,"

you know, which happens every time.

"God damn it. Here it goes again.

I got to download another version of fucking iTunes."

How many times have I hit "Agree" to that,

and I've never even read one line of it?

It's like, "Kyle's in trouble. We got to help."

He's like, "Fuck Kyle. I don't care."

It's like, "Dude, he agreed

to the iTunes terms and conditions."