The Other Guy

Come on, Stevie Ray. You got this.

- Go time, darl? - Yes.

We're gonna start this driving test when you're ready.

Put that I look good.

Stop!

That's new, I think.

- First one's for free. - OK.

What the fuck?

You just hit me, you bloody idiot!

- Learn to drive properly! - Fuck!

I'm so sorry!

You didn't see that pedestrian.

You didn't see that fucking clown?!

We've gotta head back now.

Go around!

Fuck off! Fuck off!

It was unfair conditions.

Safe driving is about reaction, not distraction.

If it'd been a clown on a unicycle

or a dozen clowns in a tiny car, fine,

but a clown in a ute?

Y... You have to let me take the test again.

- Absolutely. - Good.

- In seven days. - Seven days?!

The Bilby won't be there in seven days.

Please, my dad failed me...

...don't let Roads and Transport fail me, too.

Next!

A clown in a ute!

In what world is that not distracting?!

Fuck!

"Fresh Az Carpets".

I'll message him on Facey now.

"Hey, fuckwits, how about not letting a clown

"drive your fucking ute?!"

What are you doing today?

Promo interviews.

Answering a million questions about being cheated on,

whilst feeling like the world's biggest fucking hypocrite.

Are you gonna tell Charlie

about what happened with Miranda?

I don't know.

I feel sick just thinking about it.

We talked about long-distance this morning.

Guilt has a passport, AJ.

It just follows you wherever you go.

Not telling you about Liv and Henry,

that is just my number-one regret.

Don't make the same mistake I did.

What?

This clown motherfucker did not just give me a one emoji response?

Oh, my God!

Game on, bitch!

Hi. My name's Ricky.

I was just wondering, I know it's late notice...

The little guy's having a birthday.

Is there a clown available for a party?

Yeah, he's six.

Oh, my God, you're free! That is so good.

OK.

Steve, congratulations!

We are sad to leave, but happy for your licence.

We wrote a song for you. Let's go, boys.

We found something of yours when we were cleaning up.

- It's inside. - Sure.

Thanks, guys. Bon voyage.

Thank you.

Good show, lads!

Yeah, spewing the stakeout's over, eh?

Where to next?

21 Jump Street?

You fucking narcs!

What the...

So, what is mediation?

Mediation is about identifying a resolution

that's important to you.

So, it's in our best interest, during the session,

to come to a resolution.

However, we cannot start the mediation

- with a baby in the room. - Look, Liz... Liv...

We're all adults, let's just pretend he's not here.

What exactly do you want from us?

- From you? - Yeah.

In a perfect world, how would this all turn out for you?

Well, this show would go away and I would get my life back.

Knowing this show is coming out, I-I'm not sleeping.

The other day, two of the women in my mothers group,

they were talking about how excited they were to watch it,

and I... I genuinely felt sick to my stomach.

- Really? - Yes.

Aw, Liv, that's awful.

Do you know how they heard about the show?

I told you the bus shelters were a good idea.

We really can't proceed under these conditions.

Oh, let the woman breastfeed, for God's sake.

Oh, they're a handful, aren't they?

- Do you have kids? - Mm. Yeah, three.

And a beautiful husband. So, trust me, I do understand the pressures.

Mediation requires the focus of all participants.

Right, right, right. Just one sec.

So, you have no basis for a claim, is that right?

Well, no, but my lawyer has advised

that if I'm not shown a version before broadcast,

I can sue for defamation after the fact.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can send her a copy.

I don't know who is advising you,

but I have been through this all before

and those lawyers are so full of shit

that they would overflow a nappy.

Seriously, believe me, don't waste your time

or your money.

Come on, we've got a show to promote.

Hello?

Am I in the right place?

I thought there was a kid's party here?

No, there's a party.

Here's the jumping castle, here's the fucking lolly bags.

How many drivers did you distract on your way here today

- in that clown get-up? - What am I supposed to do?

I have to get to work somehow.

Not in a ute. Not in a ute!

I could call the cops on you.

I should call the cops on you. I was on my way to a hospital just now

to cheer up some sick kids, I came here instead.

I was gonna use the money

to pay for my dog's cataract operation.

I should've known.

Nobody books a kid's party on a school day.

I'm... such a fucking idiot.

Oh, no...

Go easy on yourself.

You're alright. No, no.

I'll pay you.

I just thought that you should know

that getting between your hospitals like that, you know,

it's not cool... in the ute.

So... just saying, you could hurt people.

That's all.

What am I supposed to do now?

You've booked me for two hours.

H27.

That's us.

'Sup? Stevie from this morning.

Did I say seven days or seven hours?

I think I said seven days.

Um...

It's actually my fault this woman failed her test.

I-I caused a dangerous distraction,

driving my ute whilst dressed...

in a uniform. So, if you wanna book me for that,

I'm happy to cop the whole thing,

but um... Y-you need to give her another chance to...

pass the test.

Next!

Just wait. Can you wait?

I lost this when I was seven years old.

I woke up to 20 cents under my pillow

and my mum crying at the kitchen table.

The Tooth Fairy took my dad.

The Tooth Fairy was a jewellery designer from Bankstown Markets named Tonya.

I never knew that he had kept this.

I never knew that he cared...

to keep this kinda stuff. I just found it this morning.

But, if you want, I'll give it to you.

I will, I'll give you the tooth,

because that is how much...

I need my licence...

right now.

Oh, girl, you did not just come here on a Friday afternoon,

wait in line for 20 minutes

and offer me a goddamn tooth?!

- Ah! - Sorry.

I mean, I've had money, drugs, everything,

but here you are, bribing me

with a stinky old tooth.

You gave me a good laugh, girl. I appreciate that.

Hell, maybe I did say seven hours.

Let's get you a licence.

Oh, my God. I really didn't think that would work.

OK, I'm here with AJ Amon, star of the lit new show Cuck,

and we're talking about how much he hates cheaters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um..

Well, "hate" is a pretty strong word.

We're getting our listeners to call in with their stories,

dealing with unfaithful partners.

Your job, AJ, is to drag these lying, scumbag, cheaters on air,

call them out for the d-bags that they really are,

and then shoot them out of a cannon into the sun,

in a segment that we are calling...

Burn, cheaters, burn!

Before we get started,

is there anything you wanna say to any cheaters out there

who might be listening?

Like, "You should be scared,"

or, "How can you live with yourself?"

- Um... - AJ's gonna get you!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um...

Can I just take two seconds, please?

- Sure. - I need to go to the toilet.

Yeah. Cheers.