Top Gear

APPLAUSE

Hello and welcome to Top Gear, where it's a sad day

at Television Centre, because this is our last show of the series.

Ahhh! Gutted.

Don't worry, because we're going out in style, by solving, no question,

the biggest issue facing humankind today -

the male midlife crisis.

Christopher? LAUGHTER

Thank you, Paddy.

The other day, the producers were going on about midlife crisis cars.

"You know the type," they said, "probably a two-seater,

"maybe a convertible, definitely a bit showy,

"bought by men of a certain age."

Fred? Thanks. LAUGHTER

And we said, "What are you talking about?

"There's no such thing as a midlife crisis car.

"What there is is a midlife opportunity car,

"a car that's not about boot space or ISOfix points.

"A car bought by men of a certain age to make them

"feel good about themselves."

Paddy? LAUGHTER

Well, luckily, Fred and Chris, that doesn't affect us.

But the producers said, "Lads, you're clearly all in denial.

"But if you reckon these midlife opportunity cars are so great,

"take eight grand, go out and bag yourself a gem of a crisis."

Loaded by Primal Scream

Crisis? What crisis?

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you eight grand's worth of midlife...

..opportunity.

The TVR Chimaera.

If life's a bit dull, need a bit of a shake-up, trust me...

# Ah, yeah... #

..this will shake you up.

Four litre, V8, rear-wheel drive.

This is a sports car for the purist.

There's no power steering.

There's no ABS, no traction control.

It's temperamental.

This thing will throw you in a hedge if you get on the wrong side of it.

# We want to be free to do what we want to do... #

But, best of all, it was built in Lancashire.

And that puts it on my list of all-time greats.

I was going to buy one of these when I was 21.

I went to the factory in Blackpool and had a look round,

got pretty much this identical car in silver.

The problem was, though, I couldn't get insured. Nobody'd have me.

Now I'm 43...

..I can get insured!

And, in my book, that's a pretty good excuse to roll back the years.

# Ah, yeah... #

It's an opportunity.

I've got the earring back in, a nod to me mid-20s!

# We want to be free to do what we want to do... #

Here we go. ENGINE ROARS

Oh-ho-ho!

What a car!

Yes, it is,

but the one thing that's better than a sports car with a big V8...

..is a sports car with an even bigger one.

Layla by Derek And The Dominoes

The Vauxhall Monaro.

The thinking man's muscle car.

An American design, built in Australia, sold in England.

It's multicultural. It's exotic!

This thing is so rare, they only sold a couple of hundred in the UK.

Love that!

Don't let the badge fool you.

Underneath, this is a Holden, an Aussie muscle car legend,

packing a 5.7-litre V8,

producing over 370 hp.

This thing is special at any speed. The V8 burbles.

I feel I'm not in an ordinary car.

It's comfortable and it's relaxing.

Until you put your foot down...

ENGINE ROARS

..and then it's a gibbering lunatic!

Very nice, but, also, very wrong.

E strano! E strano! Ah, Fors'e Lui - La Traviata

If you want to make the most of your midlife opportunity,

there's only one badge you really need.

The Prancing Horse.

Il Cavallino Rampante.

Ferrari.

ENGINE WHOOSHES Oh, bellissimo!

And I know what you're thinking.

"Mr McGuinness, how do you get a Ferrari for eight grand?"

Well, trust me, my friends,

I have my ways.

Absolute genius.

Genius I'd soon dazzle the other two with, as we've been told

to meet up with our midlife masterpieces

at Wiltshire's finest racetrack.

Oh, Castle Combe, here we are.

Oh, look at that. The first one here.

But that happens a lot in a TVR.

Oh, this is Harris.

What's Flintoff gone for? The TVR Chimaera.

He might have made the right choice, there.

He's got a bright red Vauxhall.

Morning, Fred. Morning.

Now, I have to say...that is the perfect British sports car.

Great effort. What is that?

That is a Vauxhall Monaro. Is it really?

Oh, come on, it's perfect, it's got a V8, it's practical, it's special.

Is it special? The one thing about these cars is living your best life.

Yeah.

Look at them, look at them! OK... Look at them! Look at them!

I want to give you grief but I can't because this is

a great choice of car. That is the Austin Healey

of the modern era, isn't it?

However, I can get the family in this. So I've got the V8 muscle...

But no, no... ..when I want it. ..you've missed the point of this.

What? This is not about the family. This is not about getting the kids

in the back. This is about our time.

This is about your time.

This is about Chris Harris taking a car out just for him.

Liabiamo Ne'lieti Calici - La Traviata

What in the name of...?

Is that a 355?

No, it isn't! No, it isn't!

CHRIS LAUGHS No!

Ciao. Konnichiwa. No!

How are you? No!

Look at it, though! My eyes! My eyes!

To be fair, if you were down the road, looking at that,

you'd be giving it "355". You wouldn't hear it coming!

THEY LAUGH

I'm telling you...I love it!

Look, look, it's a fake Ferrari. The Toyarri.

CHRIS LAUGHS

What is it? It's an MR2. Is it? 250 brake horse. Yeah.

It's had more chips than Harry Ramsden's.

It's lively. I love it. How much?

I've gone a bit over budget. How much? Only a bit.

Eight grand was the budget. Yeah. Nine and a half.

You spent nearly ten grand on that?

Yeah. Someone left that room laughing. It wasn't you.

This is a rare car.

355s are ten a penny. This thing...

You've got to search for one. And look at the nick it's in, boys.

The great thing about these conversions is even people

that know nothing about cars know instinctively that this isn't

a 355, it's THAT wrong! No, they don't! Yes, they do!

No, they don't! People'll like it. It makes people smile.

It's all about being positive in life. What's that?

Is that five or six litres, that thing?

5.7. A lot of car. Yeah.

And I'm going to enjoy that. OK. And this is a powerful car.

It's a Vauxhall, at the end of the day. You've picked a Vauxhall.

Well, it's a Holden, actually. What? It's a Holden.

Same thing. With a Vauxhall badge on it. It's just the Aussie bit.

It's fine. Oh? So very similar to this? No, no, no! That...

This is totally fraudulent. You've just said about...

Now, we could have argued

over who bought the best fake car all day.

Look, look, see, that's all it is. There's the Holden badge.

Yeah, but listen, listen...

But before Harris could pull apart any more of his Vauxhall,

something about Flintoff caught my eye.

Stop.

Have you got an earring in? Yeah.

I like it. I like it.

This is what it's about, lads, hey?

Takes me back, that. We're here. We're in our beautiful cars.

We're at a racetrack.

The Prancing Horse wants to dance!

CHRIS LAUGHS Come on, lads! Go on, Paddy.

Sayonara! Let's do it!

ENGINES REV

It looks even worse from here!

Oh, yes, it was time to show what a midlife opportunity really

looks like by heading out on the track and opening up the taps.

Oh-ho-ho, jeez!

What a car!

It really does go!

Go on!

0-60, five seconds.

Top speed over 150 mile an hour - that is enough.

For this car, that is enough.

BRAKES SQUEAL

Jeez!

BRAKES SQUEAL

Look at that!

HE LAUGHS

Harris is sliding it about.

Little bit of opposite lock, not too much.

Use the power, of which there is plenty.

No, this is not an authentic Ferrari...

..obviously.

But it's not about that. This car is about fun.

It's about having a good time.

And it is an MR2, so it's great to drive.

GEARBOX CRUNCHES

Well, it is when the gearbox works.

GEARBOX CRUNCHES

But that doesn't matter.

Point is this car's a tribute act.

It's the Rolling Clones. It's Fake That.

We know it's not the real thing.