Suck Me Shakespeer (Fack ju Göhte)

Congratulations to Mr. Popolski and Mr. Ates,

for successfully completing junior high school.

Mr. Miller, your oral exam was, to put it mildly, a farce.

I heard you're being released this week?

Very good.

Although in my opinion,

your lack of general education represents a danger to the public.

Just out of curiosity, why sign up for the class at all?

Because this is the only place in prison

where there's free hot chocolate.

Thank you.

See you in 2 weeks, bro. - Awesome! Don't drop the soap!

Shut up. Fuck a whore for me. And you, keep your nose clean.

Heeeyaa, Baby!

Freeedom!

What did you do to my car?

Sweet, isn't it?

No welcome kiss? - Dunno. What's it going to cost me?

Hey! Save the sucking for your customers.

Where's the money?

I buried it.

Where?

OK. These are the coordinates. I pinned it for you.

I figured a schoolyard, nobody'd look, y'know?

What? - I don't have great memories of my school days.

You? Went to school?

For how long?

Eighth or ninth grade, not sure. I was in my crack phase.

Hey, Zeki. When you get the money, can I get new boobs?

Shut up and honk if somebody comes.

How about one? The left one?

It's smaller somehow. Seriously.

Can I turn on the radio? - No.

Ooooh, shoe clips.

Mandy, it's not my phone, gotta be quick.

Listen, can you do my 54 dance today?

Fuck.

3 METERS TO DESTINATION.

What the...?

I'm not into it anyway.

Glitter up the butt crack for days.

Stop honking, dingbat, it's ME.

It wasn't there before.

There was a construction site here. - Oh, really!?

Why'd you bury my fucking money under a site?

I figured they were laying pipe.

Are you mad at me?

No! Why would I be?

I only waited 13 months for this fucking moment!!

Maybe it could be raised up with a ...

... a crane?

You owe me 2,000 euros. And 50 for the glass table.

Gimme a break, Attila.

In a week or two I'll have the money from my job.

Just a taste, if it takes longer.

Right. Understood.

Can I crash here? - 'Til Gina's back from the fat farm.

Then I need the display window back.

Everything OK? - Why aren't you dressed yet?

The sexy teacher's next!

Get going and don't forget the glasses.

Hi there. Does somebody here need tutoring?

I'll find a cellar and dig my way to the money.

Is it possible that's a shit plan?

It's been a while,

but I remember schools are picky about letting thugs dig tunnels in the cellar.

I'm applying for janitor.

Do you know how to do repairs and fix soda machines ?

You're the dumbest teacher ever!

But also the hottest.

Burak, bro, sup? - You?

Man. Danger!

Hey, you can't run down the bikes.

Shut up and pop a few of your moon craters.

Hello. Excuse me, can I help you?

The principal's office? - About the job?

Exactly. - To the right here, then straight.

'Scuse me, could you help with my glasses ...?

Ouch. 'Scuse me, I'm fine. 'Kay, have to go.

Bye. Good luck.

KICK ME.

One moment, Ms. Gerster, about 10b

Not now, Ms. Leimbach-Knorr, not now.

The little bastards ... - Ingrid, please! I have job interviews.

I'm fed up, my dear Gudrun.

Nothing I can do about it.

You look like you couldn't change a light bulb. Done this job before?

What are you, an elite janitor, who doesn't talk to mortals?

Hey! - What? - Give me back my 2 euros. I need to top up.

Fuck off, girl.

Fuck your mother. - You retarded? Fuck your own mother! - How?

AMOK ALARM. Please find a room and lock yourself in.

Wild. A constant amok alarm.

I swear I heard a shot. Go, go, go, hurry up.

This is the amok alarm.

Please find a room and lock yourself in.

Caro, are you locking it from the inside?

What's going on now? - The little nutcase set off the alarm.

I swear it was him. - That's a reprimand.

I'm calling your parents.

Oh, Ms. Gerster. - Oh, Ms. Gerster.

Oh, god no. We've made a great impression, eh?

They're just children.

Good, then ... you're next and ...

... the only one. Come in, then. - Asshole.

If you fuck me up again, I'll ram your fist so far up your ass

that you can scratch your throat from inside, fucking snitch.

Close the door. - Bro!

Your high school subjects?

What subjects? My favorites?

I assume.

Sports ... - German?

Yeah, that too. - Good.

Finally somebody without math.

Does everybody have to teach? Not enough teachers?

Otherwise I wouldn't advertise for a substitute teacher.

Substitute teacher? I'm ...

Right. Temp jobs, never the best.

I can't promise more than 2 months, until the end of the year, Mr. ...

Miller. Zeki Miller.

Janitor had a heart attack raking leaves. We don't have a go yet ...

for a new one. My whole budget goes on police complaints and removing graffiti.

Then there's the "cable fire" in the old gym.

Insurance nightmare. Civil servant hell.

So until then, we have to ... pitch in ourselves.

Do you like the new gym?

I did the sketches. The architect was a total waste.

As a teacher, I get a skeleton key, right?

You ask odd questions, Mr. ...

Salary?

A salary is good. - You're not a civil servant, I assume?

No, not really.

I can offer you 2,000 euros gross.

OK, then, 2200. But I can't go any higher.

We're not Milton Academy here.

Deal. - Bring your paperwork in later

and we'll see you assapissimo in the teacher's lounge.

Why didn't you call? - We were too drunk.

Slut. - Really. Did you know she wears a push-up bra?

I'm off.

Danger, give me the lighter. - Be polite, toe jam.

Give it to me.

There's your sister. - Stop or she'll come over. Shit.

Laura, please wear a jacket when you sit outside.

Laura, I'm talking to you. - Laura, she's talking to you!

Let it go.

Could you please put out your cigarettes?

You with the blue cap. I'm talking to you. - Elisabeth?

Let it go.

It takes them a bit to learn respect for new teachers.

They're not putting them. - Nothing you can do.

They learn it at home.

I don't think that's a good attitude to have.

You there, who's your home room teacher?

I forget. - You deaf? She said put out your cigarette.

I don't have to listen to you.

Who are you exactly? - Miller. I start work here tomorrow.

Substitute teacher. - Oh.

We work here, too. - My condolences.

About the syllables ... could we meet up, exchange ideas?

Excuse me? About what? - About the syllables. - The syllabus?

That's what I said.

Right. Yeah, sure.

Don't push, please! - Today?

Parent conference today!

- But maybe tomorrow ... Today's great for me.

Cool.

Would you like sugar? - Got a beer?

I'll look. I don't really drink beer, but ...

Something alcoholic would be great.

OK.

Bra.

All I have is prosecco. - That's fine. Come on.

Lisi has a visitor. Yay.

More, more.

Anyway,

I wanted a Catholic boarding school. But then my grandma died

and my sister and I are well, orphans.

Child services didn't want Laura torn from a familiar setting.

So I thought I'd teach at my old school,

which has "slightly" changed.

Which college did you ...

Bro! Finally.

TEACHING CERTIFICATE

PRINT FAIL

Shit, parents conferences are the worst.

I mean, they are all fucked-up asocials.

Are you there?

Man, oh man.

She picked up somebody.

I have to pee.

Right, but a learning disability doesn't just happen.

Is it possible you're an asocial bum who's shit at raising a child?

Man, I gain weight, but my boobs don't!

She drank a little.

Check in an hour if she's still breathing, OK?

Oh, my god.

Morning, Ms. Mayer. - Hi, Ms. Mayer. - Good morning. Don't yell, please!

At least they greet you.

Your one night stand.