Transparent

Dad?

Hi, girls.

Mr. Pfefferman.

Mort.

Jesus.

You look awesome.

Thank you, Tammy.

It's been a while.

Yes.

How's... how's mom and dad?

They're good. They're good, yeah.

They... they still... in Phoenix.

Oh, it's a wonderful town, Phoenix.

Dad, what are you wearing?

So I have something to tell you.

Um, oh, okay. So do you guys...

- You want me to leave? - Yes, please.

No, at least...

- You can stay, that's fine. - Please stay.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure.

So...

Yes, so...

So...

When I was a kid...

ever since I was... I was five,

I... I felt that something was...

was not right.

And, uh, I couldn't tell anybody

about my feminine side.

It was a different time, you know.

Very different time.

And, uh, pretty girl...

uh, I just, um, I had to keep all...

all of those feelings to myself, and...

- Look, dad... - No, no, let me do this.

Just please, God, let me do this.

People led secret lives.

And people led...

very lonely lives.

And, uh...

then, of course, the Internet was invented...

The Internet. Can't hate on that Internet.

It's magic.

I'm sorry, I... I'm sorry, dad, I'm sorry.

I'm just trying... can you just help me out here?

Are... are you saying that you're going to start

dressing up like a lady all the time?

No, honey, all my life...

my whole life I've been dressing up

like a man.

This is me.

- Hey, professor. - Hello.

Professor Pfefferman?

Is it too late?

Professor Pfefferman?

Both:

That was, uh... that was really...

that was brave of her, you know?

- It was, it's hard. -

Come on, come on.

- Her? - Yeah.

Just, I mean, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, good, Len got the kids.

Oh, that's good. I'm still waiting to hear

- from Barb, actually. -

- Jesus. - What?

Barb and your daughter are at my house.

Fuck.

God.

P to the I to the z-z-za.

Oh, yeah.

Gimme that shit, lemme see it. Come on.

Come and get it, chickies.

So, uh, I need to know,

what's going on with the sched?

You were able to move that thing around?

No.

Ryan is doing us a huge solid

by even just, like, carving out an hour

to be in the studio with us.

He's leaving for Bonnaroo tomorrow.

I can't reschedule my thing.

Kids, what is more important than recording with Ryan?

What is going on with her? What's up?

I think you should tell him.

Tell me what?

Okay, whatever, fine. Fuck you.

You're making me tell you, but I'm scheduled

to get an abortion.

- 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, - Fuck, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

- 11, 10, -

- 9, 8, 7, 6, - I can't, I can't.

- 5, 4, 3, 2. -

Ooh! Aaahhh!

We got to come up with a new name for our idea

Fuck you, GoDaddy.

- Mmm. Assholes. - Okay, aerobics.

Ass-robics. Work out, work out.

Do you know how to twerk?

You think I can't twerk?

- I want to see you twerk. - Shit, they invented twerking.

- Hey, Mike's home. - Hello.

Hey, what's up?

You want one of these juices?

- Yeah, yeah. - You must be Stephanie.

- So not Stephanie. - Ali.

Even better.

I'm so much better than Stephanie.

Let me tell you something. A lot of people do this.

- Yeah. - They'll squeeze out the juice.

- Hey, hi, guys. - Really?

- Sorry, so late. - Hey, no problem.

- Hey, Barb. - Sarah.

- Heard a lot about you. - Likewise.

- Hey, hon, how are you doing? - Hey, sweetie.

- Hey, how are you? - I'm good, this is Tammy...

- Hey. - Hi, good to meet you.

- From college. - The famous Tammy Cashman.

- Oh, my God, sure. - Why didn't you take

the covers off of this? It looks so ridiculous.

Well, because we didn't know that this was happening.

I know, but it takes just a second.

Tammy, cold beer for you.

- She doesn't drink. - Water for me, just water.

How was shopping? How did that go?

Pretty hellish, actually. I was going to take her

to find some tiles at Ann Sacks...

Right, and then we had to go all the way

- to the other... - And we didn't even end up getting them.

Hi, hi.

What's your name?

- My name's Grace. - Hi, Grace. I'm Sarah.

It's so nice to meet you.

- Oh, my God. - That's Gracie.

- Hi, mommy. - Hi, lovey.

- Hi, mommy. - Hi, honeybun.

- That's Ella, Zack, and... - Colby?

So, Sarah, I was telling Barb about Kenny's place on Oahu.

- Hey, babe. - Yeah?

I'm having trouble pulling up the family calendar.

- Yeah. - Yeah, do you know

- the new spring break dates? - Okay, yep.

Barb's a scratch golfer, and I was thinking

- it would be fun to... - Now you're exaggerating.

- I didn't say that. - She said "Scratch golfer."

How much fun would it be to travel with someone else

- that plays golf? - Yeah.

- Then we could all go. - You're in maps right now.

- Oh, this is maps? - You're in maps.

Oh, my God.

Of course it's yours, are you serious?

- Okay. - That is so rude.

- Okay, okay, okay. -

I would not have judged you

if you had slept with other people.

- We never had the talk. - Oh, the talk, the talk,

the talk, the talk. Ugh.

Girls don't need the talk.

Only guys need the talk.

I get why you're being so fussy lately.

- I... - I have been fussy

because I have an interloper in my body.

Yeah.

Look, I'm going to drive you home.

We're going to pick up cold stone.

I'll rub your feet.

I'm going to take care of you, okay?

You fucking crazy bitch.

- I'm sorry. - It's okay,

I couldn't sleep either.

- Feels so good. - I'm going to keep kissing you

and see if we can make this van levitate.

Just hang there in the sky.

I'll make time stop.

Oh, my God, we need so much fucking time.

I need to fuck you every day of your life.

Oh, I fucking love you.

I fucking love you, Tammy.

What did you do to me?

I made you come.

That wasn't done.

That was something else.

Holy fuck.

Feel like I'm lying in a pool of water.

- Len and I don't... - Have sex like that?

Have sex.

Yeah, me and Barb either.

So I said: "Okay, now, now, now."

and I looked down at my hand and I was...

my hand was shaking and I just said it.

And so, um... and I'm so sorry I surprised her.

It was... it was...

so tragically impromptu, but there you have it.

I mean, it's... it... it's done, and, um,

we have one down, and we have two to go.

And then, of course,

the rest of North America.