My Favorite Year

N' And now the purple dusk N'.

H' Of twilight time N'.

H' Steals across the meadows N'.

N' Of my heart H'.

N' High up in the sky N'

N' The little stars climb N'

N' Always reminding me N'

N' You wander down the lane N'

N' And far away N'.

N' Leaving me a song N'.

N' That will not die N'

N' Love is now the stardust N'

N' Of yesterday N'

N' The music of the years N'.

N' Gone by N'

1954.

You don't get years like that anymore.

It was my favorite year.

Look.. Look at that Buick.

See, that's what I'm talking about.

In 1954, a Buick was a Buick.

It didn't look like a Chevy, which looks like a Pontiac

which you can't tell apart from an Olds. Like today.

This is the way people dressed in 1954. Smooth, huh?

N' Somewhere there's music N.

H' How faint the tune N'

N' Somewhere there's heaven N'

N' How high the moon N'

In 1954, television was live, and comedy was king.

Comic stars like Milton Berle,

Sid Caesar and Jackie Gleason

kept America in front of their TV sets.

I was the freshman writer on The Comedy Cavalcade

starring Stan "King" Kaiser, Saturday nights at 8:00.

There. There I am. That's me.

Benjy Stone, the guy carrying the guy with the sword.

The guy with the sword is Alan Swann.

The greatest movie idol of all times

and my personal hero.

That week, Alan Swann was the guest star

on The Comedy Cavalcade.

This is where we wrote the show.

30 Rockefeller Plaza.

"30 Rock," we called it.

Here I was, two years after being asked

to leave Brooklyn College

and already I was earning more money per week

than the entire fourth floor of my mother's apartment house

on Ocean Parkway in Brooklyn.

Anyway, 1954, the week Alan Swann was the guest star

on The Comedy Cavalcade was a major turning point for me.

It changed me.

Hold it. Hold it.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning. Good morning.

N' Stay friends NH'

- Good, huh? - You talking to me, Sy?

Look who I'm asking.

- Sorry I'm late, Sy. - The food. The food!

- Give me my food. - The coffee shop was jammed.

"Fine, thank you, Sy. And you?

Oh, really? No, I didn't think so."

What is this? Tea? I didn't order tea.

That's Herb's. He had the tea and dry toast.

This is yours, Sy.

Extra-large coffee, six sugars

lightly toasted bagel, heavy butter

schmear of cream cheese, grape jelly, right?

Wait a minute. Where is my crumb cake?

They were out. Sidney put in a bear claw.

- Alice, what are we seeing? - Clips from Swann's movies.

Clips from his crap. Roll 'em, Herb.

This is Captain From Tortuga.

Captain from crap.

This is from Rapture.

You call what Swann does acting? That's not acting.

That's kissing and jumping, and drinking and humping.

I don't know why we're wasting our eyesight on this crap.

Swann's never gonna show up anyhow.

- We'll find him, Sy. - What happened?

He landed fine last night.

- That much we know. - So, where is he?

Where else? Drinking and humping.

Hello.

Hi.

Crap. This is crap!

That was the best part.

There is no "best part."

Swann never made a decent movie in his life.

Sy, that one, Defender Of The Crown

is a classic.

Crap.

And so is Captain From Tortuga.

- Crap. - What about Swords Of Glory?

- Crap. - Amarillo?

- Crap. - Sands Of The Sudan?

Crap. Ben“, you wanna see movies, get a 'gob as an usher.

The rest of us are here to write professional

show business comedy.

In your case, semi-professional.

What's the matter, Herb, you can't talk to a person

like a regular, normal human being?

- No. - Come on!

King wants us to see a run-through

of the "Boss Hijack" sketch.

Hey, Janine.

When you gonna let me get into your box?

Hey, kid, I read your bullfighter sketch last night.

- You liked it? - Dozed off halfway through it.

Hey, come on, don't get the wrong idea, kid.

It's not that it wasn't funny.

It's just that it wasn't funny.

Sy, I read that sketch. I thought it was terrific.

Then maybe you should be head writer, Alice!

- I couldn't take the chance. - What chance?

That I'd become like you.

Hold it!

Whoa.

Oh, uh, K.C.?

Lil, Mr. Silver wants to see Helen's costume

for "The Three Musketeers" sketch.

Now he wants it

when I'm up to my ass here in threads!

- Ugh. - So, uh..

Let's just have a quiet dinner tonight.

- Danny's Hideaway. - Lil!

We'll split a Chateaubriand, medium rare.

- I got it. - Careful with the tiara, kid.

You break it, you bought it.

Then a hansom cab ride through Central Park.

From there we hop over to the Algonquin for a cordial.

And we end the night at your place.

What do you think?

Benjamin, why would I wanna go out with you?

Every time you come near me, you embarrass or humiliate me.

I mean, what do you want from me?

Sex?

- What is the time? - I don't know.

- Don't you have a watch? - No.

I'm not allowed to wear a watch.

Why not?

I can't trust them.

Why?

One hand is shorter than the other.

Hi!

Do you have the time?

It's 9:25.

Are you late for something?

Always.

And I'm never quite sure for what.

People, people!

I hate to break up the Last Supper

but I wouldn't mind seeing a run-through.

Sorry to tell you this, uh..

But King threw out the monologue.

Leo, that monologue was good.

Check that! Perfect! I wrote it!

Here's where Sy Benson draws the line.

- Sy, don't do anything crazy. - King's gotta be taught.

First comes the word, and the word was "funny."

The monologue stays, or I go!

Sy, maybe we can compromise.

No compromise.

Sy Benson has his integrity, his pride.

King does that monologue word for word or I walk. I walk!

Monologue's in.

- Good morning, King. - Good morning, King.

- Hello, Stan. - Yeah, good morning.

- King, about the monologue.. - Sy, do you smell something?

It's coming from the script.

Oh! It's your monologue.

Oh, what a stink burger!

K.C.

Pull!

Boom!

I hate it. It's not funny. It's out!

Hey, babe, we're not married to it.

Monologue's out.

Sy Benson, a tower of Jell-O.

K.C.

I, uh, think I went a little too far with Sy just now.

I really hurt his feelings.

I gotta get him something.

Here's a hundred bucks, get him something.

Tires are nice.

Get him a set of tires.

Call my brother in the Bronx, he'll tell you where.

Boss Hijack sketch from the top.

K.C.

Electrics and cameras, please. Cameras.

Whitewalls.

Whitewalls?

Here we go.

Four, three, two..

And come in!

- Who owns the gray '51 DeSoto? - The new guy, Harris.

You're parked in Boss Hijack's spot.

You better move. The boss has got some temper on him.