Parks and Recreation

- IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND SPARKLY. - I KNOW.

AND IT'S A NON-CONFLICT DIAMOND. - AW.

- WHEN ANDY PROPOSED TO ME, HE GAVE ME A RING POP,

BUT THEN HE ATE IT FIRST. HOW DID BEN DO IT?

- LET ME START FROM THE BEGINNING.

- UH-OH. - IN 1832,

BEN'S GREAT-GREAT-GREAT-GREAT- GRANDFATHER, TEODORE WYATT,

A BASTARD, MET A BEAUTIFUL SEAMSTRESS FROM ANTWERP.

BEN AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED, AND I'VE BEEN TELLING

EVERYBODY ABOUT IT.

I'M SO HAPPY, I WANT TO SHOUT IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS.

AND SHE HAS.

WE'VE GOTTEN SEVERAL NOISE COMPLAINTS.

- WE'RE GETTING MARRIED! - ALL RIGHT.

- MM, THE JOY THAT I AM FEELING

RIGHT NOW IS PROFOUND AND UNMATCHED IN THE MODERN ERA.

AND I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO ME

THAT I'M THE VERY FIRST PERSON THAT YOU CHOSE TO TELL.

OH--

- LET ME WALK AROUND WITH YOU

AS YOU TELL EVERYONE ELSE

SO THAT I CAN SHARE TRUE JOY BEING SPREAD, PLEASE?

HEY, EVERYONE!

WE HAVE SOMETHING VERY EXCITING TO TELL YOU

THAT YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD BEFORE.

- BEN AND I ARE ENGAGED... - WHAT?

AND YOU'RE HEARING ABOUT IT

FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME RIGHT NOW.

- COME ON, EVERYBODY! HOW ABOUT A LITTLE EXCITEMENT?

LESLIE AND BEN ARE ENGAGED!

NOTHING WILL EVER COME BETWEEN THEM!

LESLIE AND BEN ARE--

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

LESLIE AND BEN ARE ENGAGED!

- AGAIN?

YOU GUYS! - OH.

- OH. - OH, YEAH!

- AAH!

*

- OKAY, T-MINUS SIX HOURS UNTIL THE ENGAGEMENT PARTY.

HAS YOU-KNOW-WHO RESPONDED YET?

- SURPRISINGLY, NO, LARRY BIRD HAS NOT RSVP'D YET.

- WELL, HE KIND OF WAITS UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE.

THAT'S HIS STYLE. PUT HIM DOWN AS A "MAYBE."

ARE YOU EXCITED? - YEAH, TOTALLY.

I-I JUST HAVE TWO SMALL REQUESTS.

ONE, PUT TWIZZLERS ON THE CANDY TABLE,

AND TWO, CANCEL THE PARTY

BECAUSE YOU INVITED MY PARENTS,

AND THEY CAN'T BE IN THE SAME ROOM TOGETHER.

OKAY? GREAT, THANK YOU.

- NO TO CANCELING THE PARTY, AND NO TO TWIZZLERS.

WE ARE A RED VINES FAMILY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET USED TO THAT.

I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED, BUT I LOVE YOU,

AND THIS PARTY IS GONNA GO GREAT.

WELL, IF THERE'S ANYONE

WHO CAN BRING MY PARENTS TOGETHER,

IT'S NO ONE.

NO ONE CAN EVER BRING THEM TOGETHER.

MY FAMILY SITUATION IS COMPLICATED.

MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED 30 YEARS AGO

AND THEY HATE EACH OTHER.

OKAY, I GUESS IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.

- OKAY! YOU GUYS PRETEND YOU'RE RON SWANSON,

AND YOU'RE TRYING TO DECIDE

WHETHER YOU WANT TO INVEST IN THIS COMPANY.

BE SUPER CRITICAL.

YOU'RE SHORT.

AND HERE...WE...GO!

TOM HAVERFORD AND JEAN-RALPHIO SAPERSTEIN...

- CREATORS OF ENTERTAINMENT 720...

PROUDLY PRESENT...

both: RENT A SWAG! - WAH!

- PARENTS, ARE YOU TIRED OF WATCHING

YOUR MIDDLE-SCHOOL-AGED CHILDREN GROW OUT

OF THE NICE CLOTHES YOU BUY FOR THEM?

THEN RENT THEM! FROM RENT A SWAG.

I OWN IT.

YOU RENT IT. YOU WEAR IT.

YOU CLEAN IT. YOU RETURN IT.

I GET RICH. WINK!

RENT A SWAG!

* WHERE YOUR SWAG IS MY BUSINESS! *

- OKAY, STOP. YOU GUYS, STOP!

STOP!

- * AND YOUR BUSINESS IS MY SWAG *

- STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. - PLEASE.

- THERE'S ACTUALLY A LOT MORE,

BUT TELL US YOUR THOUGHTS SO FAR.

- IT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

- YES! - NO! IT'S TERRIBLE.

- IT'S TERRIBLE, YOU GUYS.

I LOVE YOU, BABY. YOU'RE SO SMART.

- YOU'RE PRESENTING THIS TO RON SWANSON.

DON'T TALK ABOUT ANY OF YOUR OLD, FAILED BUSINESSES,

GET RID OF THAT STUPID LIGHT SHOW,

AND DEFINITELY DON'T USE ANY WEIRD, MADE-UP WORDS

THAT RON DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.

- BUT THE PRESENTATION'S 00 A.M.

WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO START FROM SCRATCH.

- WELL, IF YOU DO ANY OF THAT, HE'S NOT GONNA INVEST, SO...

YOUR FUNERAL.

- HEY! I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

LET'S GO OVER THE PLAN.

- OKAY, YOU AND I GO STARGAZING IN HARVEY JAMES PARK,

WHILE MY PARENTS SLOWLY STRANGLE EACH OTHER

IN THE LIVING ROOM.

- NO. 00.

WE HAND HER A GLASS OF CHILLED WHITE WINE,

AND, OH, LOOK, MY MOM IS WALKING OVER,

AND THEY'RE BOTH EDUCATORS AND MOTHERS.

WHAT A FABULOUS COINCIDENCE.

THEN LATER, STEPHEN WYATT SHOWS UP--THAT'S YOUR DAD.

- YES. HE'S TERRIFYING.

WE MAKE SOME SMALL TALK,

AND 30 MINUTES LATER,

I SHOW EVERYBODY THE BIG SURPRISE.

THE KNOPE-WYATT UNITY QUILT.

BEN AND I ARE WEAVING OUR LIVES TOGETHER,

SO I HAVE WOVEN THIS QUILT.

IT REPRESENTS EVERY MEMBER OF OUR NEW UNITED FAMILY.

OF ALL MY METAPHORICAL ART PROJECTS,

THIS IS BY FAR THE COZIEST.

- THIS IS AMAZING. - I KNOW.

I WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT.

AND, OUT OF RESPECT,

I DID NOT INCLUDE ANY IMAGES OF THE ONLY OTHER MAN

IN THE WORLD WHO'S AS SEXY AS YOU, JOE BIDEN.

- YES, YOU DID, RIGHT THERE. - HMM?

OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST A LITTLE ONE.

THE POINT IS, THIS QUILT IS GOING TO UNITE THE WYATT CLAN.

- IT'S BEAUTIFUL, AND IT WON'T.

- EVERYONE, BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE GETS HERE,

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A LITTLE TOAST.

MY ROMANTIC LIFE HAS BEEN A BIT OF A MIXED BAG LATELY.

AND WHEN THAT'S THE CASE, IT'S HARD NOT TO BE CYNICAL

ABOUT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS, BUT IT'S COUPLES LIKE YOU

THAT GIVE HOPE TO THE REST OF US.

LESLIE, YOU DESERVE THE BEST, AND YOU FOUND IT.

BEN, DON'T YOU DARE HURT HER.

I WON'T.

- DON'T LAUGH. SHE MEANS IT.

OKAY, I-I WON'T.

- SERIOUSLY, SON, DON'T HURT HER.

- OKAY, I'M NOT PLANNING ON HURTING HER.

- YOU BETTER NOT BE. - I'M NOT!

- HEY, BEN, YOU BEST WATCH YOURSELF.

- WHY WOULD ANY OF YOU THINK I WOULD HURT LESLIE?

YOU'RE ALL MY FRIENDS TOO.

NAH.

THIS WAS LITERALLY

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND MOVING THING

THAT I HAVE EVER HEARD.

- THERE, THERE, BABY BOY.

TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. -

- WELL, SURE, IN A WRESTLING MATCH, KIRK WOULD WIN.

BUT OVERALL, WHO WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE AT THE HELM

OF YOUR SOVEREIGN-CLASS STARSHIP?

JEAN-LUC PICARD. NO CONTEST.

- HEY, YOUR MOM'S HERE. I NEED YOU.

THANK GOD.

- THERE'S MY BOY! - HEY, MOM.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

THIS IS LESLIE KNOPE, MY FIANCEE.

- HI. IT'S--IT'S REALLY NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU, MS. WYATT.

OH! PLEASE CALL ME JULIA.

IS YOUR FATHER HERE YET?

- NO FIGHTING TONIGHT, MOM. - DON'T WORRY!

I'M GOING TO BE CIVIL, AS LONG AS HE IS.

FRANKLY, AFTER WHAT HE DID AT GEOFFREY'S GRADUATION--

- OH, I HAVE SOME WHITE WINE FOR YOU, SOME CHARDONNAY.

- OH, THANK YOU. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

- HEY, YOU GUYS, COME ON IN. - THANK YOU.

ANN.

HEY.

YOU ALL RIGHT, MAN?

- THE TOAST THAT YOU GAVE TO BEN AND LESLIE

WAS SO BEAUTIFUL,

AND I'M FEELING VERY RAW FROM MY THERAPY.

I AM SO HAPPY... AND SO SAD.

IT'S LIKE A PERFECT STORM OF EMOTIONS.

AND SO I'M HIDING OUT HERE, SO I DON'T RUIN THIS PARTY

FOR MY TWO AMAZING BEST FRIENDS

WHO I LOVE SO MUCH.

OH!

THERE'S NO MORE TISSUE.

EVERYTHING ENDS! - NO, NO, NO.

NO, THERE'S MORE TISSUE.

THERE'S-- - EVERYTHING GOES AWAY.

- AND I SAID, RULES OR NO RULES,

I JUST HAVE TO KISS THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE.

- WELL, THAT'S A KNOPE WOMAN FOR YOU.

WHEN WE SEE SOMETHING ADORABLE, WE ATTACK IT.

- HE IS ADORABLE, ISN'T HE?

YOU CHOSE WELL, BENNY.

AW, THANK YOU.

SO FAR, SO GOOD.