Top Gear

Tonight, Richard wears a towel.

James and I eat some crisps.

And The Fly is in our reasonably-priced car.

CHEERING

Hello! Hello! Thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you very much.

Now, there's a new Ferrari that has come out

and the obvious person to test it is, of course, James May, because he actually owns a Ferrari.

Um...

He does. He doesn't like to tell people. Oh no, I have, I just told everyone. OK, anyway.

Because he likes to keep it a secret, someone else had to do it.

DRAMATIC MUSIC

ENGINE REVS

This is all a bit strange.

Because the 458 has a paddle-operated gearbox,

someone obviously thought that life back here would be a bit complicated

if there were traditional indicator and wiper stalks as well,

so they've got rid of them.

The buttons which control these things

are now on the steering wheel,

along with other buttons for the headlights, the suspension settings, the dim dip,

the sidelights, the traction control, and the starter motor.

And you don't have to drive very far to realise the problem this creates.

The thing about a steering wheel is, it moves.

So none of the buttons are ever where you left them.

I mean, if I want to turn left now, I have to push this one on the right.

There, that's the left-hand indicator.

And if I want to turn on the lights...

er...

No, that's not it.

This isn't like driving. It's like playing Pelmanism.

And there's more.

You see, there are two screens on either side of the rev counter,

so the one on the left tells me all sorts of things I'm not

really very interested in and the one on the right is a speedo or a satnav screen.

You can't have both at the same time, so,

you know where you are, you just don't know how fast you're going.

This is likely to make life a bit botty-clenching when you go past a speed camera.

Still, at least when you do, and they send you a snap,

you'll be able to pin it on the wall, and that will be nice, because my God, this car is pretty.

Of course, you probably think all Ferraris are pretty.

But truth be told, the majority aren't, not really. Striking, yes. But pretty?

No.

This one, for example, is just vulgar.

And even James's Ferrari, the 430, was a bit wrong.

That smiling front end - it looked like a simpleton.

It should have been called the 430 Speciale... Needs.

This, though...

I think this is the first properly pretty Ferrari since the 308 came along

back in 1975.

Interestingly, though, Ferrari say it isn't art. They say it's science.

For example, they say that when a wheel is turning,

it forces air to move around in here, creating a high pressure, so,

they fitted these vents here which channel air along here,

pushing the car back down again.

They say, too, that these veins here on the front are forced down when the car is going quickly

by 20mm and that channels more air underneath the car, creating more downforce.

All that may be true, but I still maintain that those chiselled front wings, the way they go...

They're like Kristin Scott Thomas's cheekbones.

And it isn't just looks where it leaps ahead of the old 430.

That car produced 483 horsepower, so, of course, you'd expect this to produce a bit more.

490.

Maybe 495.

But you'd be wrong.

Because this produces a stratospheric 562 horsepower.

It would be interesting, therefore, to see how much faster this is

then the now defunct 430, but there's a problem.

You see, this is James's actual car.

The car in which he keeps a little brush for cleaning the air vents.

And he said we could borrow it providing we didn't fiddle with any of the settings or make it dirty

in any way.

These chocolate bars just go everywhere.

Um... anyway, he also said I wasn't to...

drive it quickly. He made me promise that I wouldn't, for instance, do a drag race with it and I said,

"James, I give you my word, I will not drive your car fast at all. "

I didn't, however, say anything about him.

OK, we're both going to use launch control.

Push that button there. That absolutely knackers the clutch in a 430.

It will be OK in this, cos it has a double-clutch system.

3, 2, 1, go!

Whoa! That is nought to 60 in 3.4 seconds.

James's car is gone!

It's just a humiliation!

4.5 litres of V8 rev to 9,000!

I have no idea how fast I'm going now.

I just know I'm somewhere near Guildford.

So, the new car doesn't just beat the old one, it humiliates it.

Destroys it. Crushes it.

I think if I'd just bought a 430, I'd be feeling suicidal now.

That sense that you could never drive it again, that you'd just look like such an idiot.

Oh.

But now it's time to answer the big one.

What's the 458 like as a driver's car?

What's it like when you show that glorious, finely-boned nose a whiff of track?

You probably think it'll be brilliant.

You probably imagine all Ferraris are magnificent

when you put the hammer down, but again, the truth is, they aren't.

The 348, for example, felt like it had tyres made from wood.

The 275 had milk-bottle tops for brakes.

The engine in an F50 felt like it was bolted directly to your spine.

And the 400 was simply awful in every way.

So, the 458, then.

All face and no trousers?

Let's find out.

ENGINE ROARS

Oh, my God!

This is incredible!

It just feels so light.

HE CHORTLES

I've never used a light, flappy-panel gearbox, but this is just sensational.

What an astonishing car!

Because the rear of the car is so planted,

thanks to its new suspension system, they've been able to fit super-fast steering.

Bang! The nose just darts in.

Ahhh!

What a machine!

This is beyond anything.

And listen to that noise.

ENGINE ROARS

It sounds like a bear, a burning bear.

I know this is L170,000, and that's a lot even by Ferrari standards...

.. but I don't care.

I don't care about the bonkers dash, I wouldn't even care if this thing ate one of my legs.

The 458 is one of the all-time greats and I promise I'm not saying that just to upset James.

It really is absolutely,

unbelievably, mesmerisingly brilliant.

CHEERING

I think that might have been a bit ambiguous, that's the problem.

Yeah. I really, genuinely

believe this. I think this is better than an F40.

I never thought I'd say that, but it is unbelievably good.

Let me just get this straight, in evolutionary terms, Ferrari started with, like, an amoeba. Yeah.

Then they evolved a bit to plankton.

Then some sort of creature that crawled out of the slime, that's where James bought in.

Yeah, he jumped in. Then they leapt forward, really,

and what we ended up with is StephenFry with Keira Knightley's face. So one massive leap.

One massive leap... From where James's was to the next one.

Are you finished?No, you are. Completely.

Can never drive your car again. Not in the hours of daylight anyway,mate, no. No, you can't.

You ate a chocolate bar in my car.

It doesn't matter, you can't drive it anymore.

Anyway, we must now find out how fast, how much faster, this goes

around our track then your useless old car that you can't drive any more.

That, of course, means handing it over to our team racing driver.

Some say that he's recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym of Lady Gaga.

And that under his race suit, he also wears a red G-string and suspenders.

All we know is, he's called The Stig!

And, he's off. No drama, no fuss, launch control taking care of everything.

Already looking better than a 430, or the "idiot's Ferrari", as it's now known.

Smoothly through the first corner, very nice indeed.

# More than a woman... #

Was that "bald-headed woman"? Weird lyric. Right, OK.

Out of Chicago, still looking pretty tidy and very pretty indeed.

And ahead, will this expose any problems?

Not a bit of it. If I had a criticism, it's this car is almost too technical, too precise.

#.. people so in love like you... #

Still, better than a 430.

Now, follow-through, yeah, lovely, around 570 horsepower working hard.

Quick through the tyres and sounding good.

Two corners left. Like Tom Cruise in IKEA, this car is so smooth, it makes it look effortless.

Through Gambon on all four wheels. Across the line!

OK. Now...

Here's James's car, look, the Ferrari 430.

One month, 22 days, uh... and nine hours.

458, 119.1.

So look at that.

Almost exactly the same time as an Enzo.

Kind of makes the Enzo look a bit silly, doesn't it?

Maybe James should get an Enzo now?

Could be the right car.

Now, just briefly, has anybody this week seen this in the newspapers?

It's the most ridiculous... I think it was actually an accent thing,

because what she actually said was "revolting", but it came out like "fantastic".

No, I think actually what's happened here is

they've had to cut the quote to make it fit on the newspaper and they've had to take out

"an imbecile but James May is... "

No, she didn't say that, James, because you didn't say one word to her when she was here. Or you!

Tom Cruise arrived last week, these two, "Oh, Tom, I've got a motorbike as well,

"would you like to buy leather trousers and go off into the countryside any drink orange juice?"

We couldn't get near to Cameron because she was entirely surrounded by you.

She hugged me three times.

She's an actress, she was pretending, you Muppet.

Not in my mind, she wasn't. She was remembering the advice.

"Now, Cameron, hug the big monster and pretend it's not scary".

I'm now on her to-do list.

You're on her restraining order list, it's the only list you're on.

Anyway, the news. As you probably saw if you were watching the Grand Prix coverage last weekend,

the Williams team bought Rubens Barrichello a T-shirt.

Here he is wearing it.

LAUGHTER

He looks really happy there.

He is really happy.

He's so happy, he's bought the other Grand Prix drivers who have been down to Top Gear T-shirts.

And here's Jenson Button wearing his.

Aw!

I think that demonstrates that somebody in Formula One has got a sense of humour.

Makes you wonder, though. I wonder what Fernando Alonso's T - shirt would say?

"I made Felipe Massa give me this T-shirt. "

Did anyone see the Grand Prix last weekend?

Yes.