Seriously Single

- - Oh, my God. Okay, sorry!

Sorry! Shit.

- - Yes. Okay, okay, okay.

Ma'am.

Uh...

Delivery...

Yes?

For...

Dineo Mudau.

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody!

Sheesh! Why is everybody so anti-love?

I've been married for 12 years already.

Dineo, my friend. Home girl.

Nick, Nick. Didn't you say HR gave you a warning

regarding cultural appropriation in the workplace?

HR? I am the... "Who's the boss?"

- That doesn't make sense. - Listen.

Are you ready to wow DJ Fresh with a social media plan

for his Fresh Protein shake?

Yay!

- What a shitty name. - So shitty.

- That's... - Sorry.

Sorry, sorry. Dineo Mudau.

- Yes. Yes, that's me. - Oh!

Oi. All right.

It's from Simphiwe, you guys.

- My boyfriend. - What happened to Themba?

He ghosted her three months ago.

- You know I can hear you, Pam? - Yep.

You know what? Do me a favor...

and livestream this.

Okay.

Go.

- So... - Sorry.

- Hang on. - Okay.

It's the... okay.

- So, you guys... - Whoa!

- Oh, Pam, come on. - Sorry. It's...

- Pam. - Go!

You guys, my boyfriend just surprised me at work for Valentine's Day!

I mean, talk about hashtag, love lives here.

Right? Let's see.

- Toiletry bag? -

I never gave my girlfriend a toiletry bag.

Oh! He's surprising me with a getaway, a weekend thing or something!

That's amazing! That's amazing!

Sorry, my sister.

- Sister. - Yeah, what?

I think it's longer than a weekend.

Gents!

Home girl...

Did you just get dumped on Valentine's Day?

Uh, turn that off, Pam.

- You're getting loads of comments. - Turn it off.

Turn it off, Pam, now!

I can't believe I suffered lockjaw for two days for this shit!

How...

Pam?

- Hmm? - Don't tell me you're still recording.

No.

Pam! Shit!

Hey, do you work for Lumka and Johnson Accounting?

- No. - Good.

Then we have clearance from HR.

I think we should go back to your place. Yeah?

Give me a second.

Eish!

And then?

Didi?

Didi?

- Didi? -

- Friend, I think I ate something bad. - I've heard you take a shit.

- That's not what you sound like. - You don't know everything.

So you're not on Simphiwe's profile?

- No. - Babe,

- give me your phone. - No!

I didn't bring you to an office party to spend the whole night in the toilet.

I didn't want to come to this stupid party anyway.

Friend, you're so ungrateful.

- Don't you wanna get laid? - I want love. Okay?

Maybe a little lay.

You won't get any of that from a toilet seat,

so get your ass out here so we can get you on your back and get you laid.

Laid.

I think your hands are clean now, Mam' Thandi.

Friend, it's been three weeks. You need to get over it.

I can't. Noni, I can't, okay?

He was the love of my life, you know? And we were gonna get married.

You were together for two months.

It was two and a half months and you know it.

- Give me your phone. - No.

- What? You think I won't go in there? - Hey!

Hey! Leave me!

Didi, you forget I'm older than you! Learn to respect your elders!

Didi...

Noni, you know what? No...

- No, we're too old for this. - Yes.

I agree.

If this is spiked, my ancestors are gonna come after you.

I don't need to do that to get a girl.

Ugh! You men. You men don't get how hard we love.

- What do you mean? - Yes.

- We love hard. - Oh...

- We love hard when it's the right girl. - Right!

Right, I was the right girl.

I was, and then he just dumped me anyway.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You're not supposed to talk about your old man with your new man.

- With whose man? - No. Not that you...

Not that you're the new man. I just meant, like... I...

Okay, my best friend Noni,

she's been telling me to get back on my bounce-back game.

- Okay. - And I guess you're bounceable.

- Wow. Okay. - No, no, no, no, no.

Not sex bounce, rebound bounce. Although that didn't sound...

- I'm sorry. - You asking me to have sex with you?

- 'Cause I will. -

- I'm sorry. -

I'm sorry. Here you go.

- Here you go. Are you okay? - Yeah.

Yeah. Why would you say that?

- Why wouldn't I? - Steve Harvey says,

"If you wanna keep a guy, you shouldn't sleep with him on the first night."

Oh...

Okay, tell me, how's that working out for you so far?

- - Mmm.

So...

I mean, what are you trying to say?

Do you stick around long after you've slept with a girl?

I mean, it's not about the sex.

You know, sometimes relationships aren't meant to last.

So we should enjoy them while we can.

Hmm.

Right?

Mmm-hmm.

You have little bit of, uh... okay.

- Got it? - Yeah, got it.

It was great meeting you.

Friend. Ah! I can already see you naming your babies.

- I'm not naming anything. - Mmm.

But Lunga Junior sounds cute. His friends will call him LJ, Noni.

The only LJ you should be thinking about's the one in his pants.

Yeah, that's your style, not mine.

Fine. In that case, let's go home.

I think I've made out with everyone I can make out with here. Wait.

- Yeah, I'm done here. - Noni...

is he your client? Does he have a girlfriend?

No, actually, what's his tax bracket?

Yes, I don't know, and none of your business. Let's go.

No, you go. Bye.

Okay. Well, you better BJ that LJ. You know...

What are you looking at?

Whatever. Leave me alone.

What? Wait, wait, wait. No, wait. Where are you taking me?

- You're gonna love it, trust me. - I'm gonna love it.

- Be careful. - Okay.

Oh, wow.

What?

Wow.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You know what? Just, let me...

- All right. - Hold that.

Okay. Just...

Proof...

that I'm having a good time.

Whoa, no, no, no. You don't have to prove anything to him.

- Really? - Mystery is more effective.

Right. Clearly you've never had your heart broken.

- I mean, I've had bad breakups. - That's a no.

And what?

What, you can just... move on?

Why hold on to the past when your future could be standing right in front of you?

That's what you want, don't you?

You know...

I... I don't sleep with just anyone.

I want someone to come home to.

Is that Steve Harvey again?

You say you want someone to come home to?

I say it's better to have someone to go home with.

What?