My Teacher's Wife

Dear, Boney D. Here are your test results.

Down, down, down like a dive-bomb.

Well, should there be a prayer or something?

Quiet, you. Todd, you okay?

Piece of cake. We can do this.

All right, let's go. On three.

- One. - One.

- Two... - One...

Two... three.

- Are you happy? - Yes!

- Faber? - Man, they really seal these things.

Give me that.

- I don't believe it. - Perfect scores.

- You got perfect scores. - Oh, man.

I guess I test well.

Yes.

You know what this means, don't you?

A big screw up a SAT Central?

Free refills?

No, we can all be in Boston together.

Would you like that?

Me and you, Boston... alone?

Sounds a little hectic.

How come you never return my calls?

All right, just close your text books.

Ladies and Gentlemen...

Calculus is not for wimps.

28% of you did not pass the mid-term.

Miss Natatio, shake the dust out of your skull.

Mr. Buchanan, I've seen squirrels score higher on tests.

Mr. Faber, knock it off, you're making everyone look bad.

Mr. Boomer...

You were flying high, but you hit an air pocket.

Excuse me, Mr. Mueller?

Did you fall asleep at the controls?

Is there terriorion involved?

You're going down in flames. See me after class.

Don't forget, have your parents sign those and return them to me.

You know the drill. Have a nice day.

You wanted to see me, Mr...?

You can take your form back. I won't be recommending you for Harvard.

What? Mr. Mueller, it was one bad grade.

17 thousand excellent students apply there every years.

86% don't get in. You do the math.

Up until now I've had great grades. Up until now it's been little league.

I'll try harder. I'll bring my grade up.

Well, I won't hold my breath.

Close the door on your way out.

Good one.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes you just got to scream, you know?

I know how you feel.

How was that?

Miss...?

Hi, guys. Isn't this great?

Another Kim O'Brien Halloween extravaganza. The Rules are: No beer, no drugs...

- No sex. - Oh, right, of course.

You know I just have to say it. There's beer in the fridge.

Those are the three selling points that got us here.

I'm gonna go say "hi" to Jen.

Remember, we must dance. Don't forget.

- I'll see you later. - Bye.

You look "Super" tonight, Kim.

Thanks.

Oh, my God. Brad, Tanya.

"Super". I said, "Super." Yes, you did.

I don't know what's wrong with me...

every time I get around a girl like

I turn into Greg Brady with better hair.

...I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese

I really think so

- Do you want to dance? - Yes, yes.

- Great. - Oh, God.

Paul? Paul, I'm over here.

Paul? Where are you going?

Why do we come to these things, anyhow?

I don't know. I guess to appreciate it more when were alone.

Mr. Smooth. Let's go up to the park.

- There's something I want to show you. - Oh, no. - Come on.

Don't make me. Twist my arm.

- So? - So, how about another poem?

Okay.

Okay. Are you still cold? If you are we could go back.

No, this is nice.

I mean.

What are you doing?

- I'm ready. - What?

- I thought... - You've out to... Todd.

I'm sorry.

Just... let's go.

Paul?

Paul?

- Oh, there you are. - Oh, God.

I've been looking for you. Where are you going?

Thank God. I can't talk now, I'm being chased by a nun. Drive.

- So, you and Kirsten... - No, mission scrubbed.

- What happened? - I pulled out a condom.

I thought they wanted us to use condoms. I mean I pulled it out too early.

- There's a time limit? - I guess so.

101.7 KFNX Boston.

Oh, yes, another exciting evening.

- Did you see that? - Yeah.

- We're going back. - Are you insane?

Probably. At least we'll have something to do.

Wow! Look at that. Yeah, a '66 Corvette Stingray.

Shh, shh!

- Hi, you need some help? - Are you guys cool?

- Yeah, we're cool. - Yeah.

Wait, you are the guy from the reservoir.

Yeah, hi. You want to hop in?

Thanks.

What reservoir? Is there a reservoir I'm supposed to know about?

What kind of asshole doesn't carry a spare tire?

- I don't know. - I think it was a rhetorical question.

Thanks for stopping. I'm Vicky.

Hi, I'm Todd. This is Fader.

Hey, that has got to be just about the neatest car.

Yeah, well. It's my husband's.

If you're cold, there's a jacket back there you can wear.

Oh, yeah, thanks,

I got wet standing out there.

- Can we take you anywhere? - Where you going?

- Nowhere. - Nowhere.

Me too, nowhere.

Okay, fine.

Thank you.

- Here you are. - Thanks.

Your lobster.

This is not right.

There's something very weird going on here.

By weird, you mean we're hanging out with a gorgeous woman...

- then yes, this is weird. - Exactly.

Woo... whoo.

Well, they're sending a tow truck in about an hour.

Oh, great. Excellent.

So, what were you guys doing, just cruising the night?

We were down at the beach, at this "shindig."

"Shindig?" "Shindig?"

When did you start channeling Dick Clark?

I don't usually say "shindig" it's just...

He doesn't.

I don't think I've ever said "shindig." He hasn't. I can vouch for him.

You guys. You want to order some food and we'll drive you over later?

Oh... yeah.

Peggy.

So, what does one do at these "shindigs?" It's kind of been awhile for me.

There's a lot of anxiety reiection.

It's "super."

Are you okay?

Ice cream headache.

He gets them all the time.

I'm sorry. I just love ice cream.

I haven't had it ages.

Vicky, what do you do?

I'm kinda between things right now.

Music, studying, sculpting.

Sculpting? Yeah, mostly metal work.

Kind of a hobby of mine.

Cool.

Yes... yes...

He did it.

Great. Let's go. Sorry.

- And eleven cents. Thanks. - Thanks.

Shouldn't you at least let us get the TIP or something?

If you want to.

About $2.75.

Oh, dude, she dusted you.

Math degree University of Vermon. Very useful.

Math degree?

So, do you know anything about calculus?

Yeah.

See, I tanked this mid-term...

and if I don't pass this course my life is basically over with.

Come on, I'm sure that's not true.

No, it's true.

Gees, Todd, I could help you with calculus.

Uh... sorry, guys...

...squirrel.

Well, here he is.

Do you need us to follow you or anything?

No, I'm fine. Really.

I was really having a bad night there for a while...

...but you...

...you're... anyway.

I should go. Thanks for all your help.

Bye, Fader.

Bye.

- Amazing. - Totally amazing.

Vicky...

...about calculus.

You think I could get some help?

I...

Please, I don't have much time left. You'd be saving my life.

I... I'll think about it.

Yeah? Great, thanks.

Call me, I'm listed. Last name's Boomer, two Os.

Okay, good night.

- Boomer with two Os. - As in "moron."

Yeah, as in "moron."

Trick or treat. Where in the hell were you?