Fam

Oh, my God, Clem, the barista was not hitting on you.

He was, Shannon.

He kept smiling, making small talk.

He called me Hot Vanilla.

Because that's what you ordered.

Why do you always think everyone's hitting on you?

Wait. This about what you told me happened

last week with the UPS man?

"I have a package for you"? That's his job.

Oh.

Uh, speaking of jobs, I have news.

I might be getting a giant new office!

You've been wanting one. What happened?

Well, the professor who had the office... died, um,

which is very sad,

but I might be getting a brand-new giant office!

Problem is, all the professors are angling for this office,

but not all the professors can invite the dean

to their wedding.

Okay, but your mom's not gonna be happy about this.

She called me last night, ecstatic,

because she finally figured out the seating chart.

Look, she'll understand.

This is a way for her son to gain some respect at work.

Ooh.

I hope that's the UPS guy

so that I can show you guys what I'm talking about.

Hello?

Hi, is Shannon there?

Tell her it's JoJo.

What? No. No. Oh, my God, no.

I never want to see that douche again!

Shannon, come on!

I have your jacket that you left at my place.

Go to hell, JoJo!

With that stuff in the pocket.

All right, come on up.

Wait a second. Is that MC DJ JoJo...

that guy that cheated on you?

Yeah. That's why I dumped his ass

and didn't move in with him, which was a real sacrifice

for me because he lives right above a Dunkin' Donuts.

Shannon, baby, how you doing?

Girl, I miss you so much.

Oh, yeah? What about that cashier from Arby's?

Well, she's gone. Baby,

I'm not the cheating liar I used to be.

Okay. Where's my jacket?

Uh, I lied about that.

Get out of here, JoJo. I never want to see you again.

Wow. Good for you.

Took a lot of maturity.

I'm proud of you, Shannon.

Okay.

"I'm proud of you, Shannon"? Why did you say that?

What are you talking about?

She's 16. You can't praise her for turning him down.

That'll just make her jump right back into his arms.

Oh, come on, Clem. That's insane.

Right, and teenage girls are famously sane.

Yup, that's what they say about them.

"Oh, look, there's a teenage girl.

I bet she's off to make a super rational decision."

Okay, but don't you think you might be underestimating Shannon?

Hey! Just got a text from Shannon.

JoJo!

I missed us!

- Hey, guys. - Hi.

Hey, Dad.

- Hi. - Hey.

So, uh, where's Mom?

Uh, she is making herself a martini.

Mm.

At 11:00 in the morning?

A woman after my own heart.

She's been celebrating ever since

she finished the seating chart for the wedding.

That thing was killing her, but it's done.

She finally has her life back, and I finally have my wife back.

It's only two people.

There are my beautiful babies.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

- Hello. - Mmm.

- Rose, I've never seen you in pajamas. - Oh.

Sweetheart, these are not pajamas.

These are my...

relaxation silks.

Mm-hmm.

I'm finally finished with the seating chart,

and my personal hell is over.

Uh, Mom, uh, about that... it's not a big deal,

but I need to invite a couple more people to the wedding.

Oh, God, no.

It's all right, Walt. This is... this is not a problem.

I'll just take the old seating chart,

put it in the garbage, and start a new one.

I'm so sorry. I'm just...

I'm trying to get a bigger office at work...

It's all right. It's all right, Nick.

You know what? I'm gonna take off my relaxation silks

and put on my "what the hell did I do to deserve this" pants!

Oh, it's a text from JoJo.

Her stupid ex-boyfriend.

Actually he's my

ex-ex-boyfriend.

And he's not stupid. He's a genius.

Anyway, I got to go

'cause he got his head stuck in a banister.

Someone bet him 20 bucks it wouldn't fit.

So, once I get him loose... he's treating me to Chili's.

Wait. JoJo... I thought she hated that guy. What happened?

Nick?

Would you like to field this question?

Well, I told Shannon I was proud of her

when she refused to take JoJo back,

which apparently led her back to...

JoJo.

Rookie mistake.

If you want a teenager to do something,

you have to tell 'em the opposite.

He's right. We need to pretend

to like JoJo so that Shannon hates JoJo.

Of course, Nick always did what we told him.

But for cool kids, the rule applies.

There's the cutest couple!

- Hi, guys. - 'Sup?

JoJo, it's so great to see you.

Nick, how great is it to see JoJo?

So great.

Because JoJo is an excellent young man

of whom I am a big fan.

Okay, what the hell did you two take?

Yeah, I want some.

Drug humor... I love it.

Oh, too bad I have to go, but I'm so glad you two patched things up.

- Mm-hmm. - Oh, bye, babe.

- Bye. - Could not

endorse this relationship any more fully!

I mean, Shannon, do not let this one get away, okay?

This is the real deal.

JoJo. JoJo. JoJo! JoJo!

Oh. I got to take this.

Go-go for JoJo.

"Go-go for JoJo."

That kid is a poet.

Give it up, Clem. I know what you're doing.

You think that if you're nice to JoJo, it'll make me not like him.

No.

- Is it working? - What?

Shannon, look, I'm just... I'm trying to stop you

- from making a huge mistake. - Clem,

look, I actually really like him,

and, yeah, he hurt me before, but he's a different guy now.

He's really starting to get his act together.

I honestly think that that whole

getting his head stuck in a banister thing was...

it was a real wake-up call for him.

Yo, just booked a bar mitzvah tonight!

Nice!

Yeah. DJ Sesame Bagel got sick.

Oh, I'm gonna miss you so much, babe.

Oh, I can sneak you in if you want.

- No way. Yeah? - Yeah.

So, that's exciting about the gig.

Yeah, yeah, DJing is my job, but it's not my passion.

What's your passion?

Pretty women,

especially older ones who know what they're doing.

Okay, I'm ready to go. See you later, Clem.

Yeah, see you later... ma'am.

Shan, you're gonna be late for school!

I know! That's intentional!

You really want to have this conversation

before she goes to school?

Her boyfriend hit on me.

That's something that she needs to know.

I absolutely agree.

And you're sure this is not like the thing with the UPS man?

Hey, Shan, how was that bar mitzvah last night?

Amazing. JoJo mixed Jay-Z with "Hava Nagilah"

and the place went meshuggener.

All right, babe, I have to go to work.

You good?

- I got this. - All right.

What's going on, Clem?

Well, this isn't easy to say,

but yesterday, when you left the room to go get your coat,

JoJo... he... he hit on me.

Clem, did he call you Hot Vanilla, too? Huh?

Okay, maybe I was wrong about the barista and the UPS guy

and possibly that guy at Subway because I now know

that "footlong" is a thing that they say, but...

Trust me, this happened.

Admit it, Clem. You're just saying this because you don't like JoJo.

No. Shannon, I'm saying this because he hit on me.

He's not a good guy. You deserve better.

Clem, I'll tell you what I deserve.

I deserve a sister who doesn't treat me like I'm an idiot.

You always think you know what's best for me, but you don't.

Besides, JoJo isn't into old ladies.