Rules of Engagement

I'm glad you guys introduced us to Ethiopian food.

And now that I've met Ethiopian food,

it's time to say goodbye forever.

It feels like it's gonna be a long goodbye.

I'm re-thinking opening this door.

Why don't you come over for dessert?

Oh, we'd love to. Good call, honey.

Coffee or--

Oh, my God.

Wow.

You guys are pigs.

I don't believe this. We've been robbed.

Wait, the window. Adam, did you leave it open?

Did you? No.

Then yeah, I did.

Wait, wait. What if they're still here?

You guys stay here and we'll go check it out.

Hey, honey, I'm home from the kung-fu studio.

Yeah, and I'm home from gun practice.

Good. Now they think we're a super-violent gay couple.

Get in there.

I am so freaked out.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?

Uh, one time at work,

someone stole a yogurt with my name on it

right out of the fridge.

So no.

Well, it's all clear.

I checked your underwear drawer.

Your jewelry is still there.

I checked it too. He's right.

So, what did they take? I don't know,

it doesn't look like anything.

Maybe when we came in we scared them off.

Hm. I don't think so.

I mean, whoever did this had time to make toaster waffles

and watch 27 Dresses.

Oh, that was me.

I took a personal day.

Well, I guess we got off pretty lucky, huh?

I guess.

Or you could that say we don't have anything worth stealing.

Huh. All of your stuff stinks.

No, hold on, Jen, they did take something.

That bowl that was on the table.

The ceramic one with the turquoise?

Uh, actually th-that's our bowl.

We bought it in New Mexico.

Wait, that cost 180 bucks.

Yes, I know, we brought over spinach dip once

and they never returned it.

Oh.

Bad news, guys.

Someone stole your bowl.

[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS" PLAYING]

Jeff. Jeff, wake up.

What? What? Is it the burglar?

Can you handle it?

No, it's not that. Listen, something just happened.

Something really intense. Really incredible.

You're welcome.

Awake or asleep, Daddy knows what Mommy likes, huh?

I am serious. I really need to talk to you.

Okay.

Okay, now first you have to promise not to laugh.

Oh, you didn't wake me up

to try on those bike shorts again, did you?

No, this is serious.

All right, I promise I won't laugh.

Okay.

I just saw my grandmother's ghost.

Do you mind if I go laugh in the can?

I know. I know it sounds unbelievable.

But I just saw my Grandma Shirley at the foot of our bed.

She was there, she was wearing this garnet dress

with this beautiful brooch

she used to let me play with when I was a kid.

Gosh, she looked so lovely and peaceful,

with this sweet smile on her face,

like she was really happy to see me.

Probably just psyched to be out of the urn.

I'm sorry, go on.

I just-- I always felt so bad

I didn't make it home to see her before she died,

but now I feel like it's okay.

You really saw her?

I did.

It wasn't like a very real dream?

Like the one I had where me and Lee Majors

were tracking Bigfoot?

No.

No, no, I was awake.

I was sitting up. She was right there.

It was real. Huh.

Do you believe me?

Yeah, I do. I believe you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah. I'm here for you.

I feel so close to you right now.

Hm.

Hey, Grandma Shirley isn't still here, is she?

I'm about to take off my bottoms.

Sir?

I spoke to your gym, but they maintain their stance

you must participate in the cardio hip-hop class,

you cannot just sit and watch.

Call my lawyer.

I contacted the accounting firm across the street,

but sadly no one could put me in touch

with "the stacked lady in the pink thing."

What?!

She's right there.

Pointing at me and closing the blinds.

And, sir, finally here are all the bathing suit images

of the French actress Audrey Tautou.

Yeah. Whoo!

Oh, yeah. Oh.

See, this is one classy girl.

Ooh. Bonjour, side boob.

Mercicup. Heh-heh.

Good job, Timmy. I tell you what,

take an extra fiver before you grab me my juice box.

Enormously kind of you, sir.

But, uh, in lieu of your generosity today,

may I instead leave early tomorrow?

Early? Why?

I'd rather not say.

Say.

No, thank you.

No say, no early.

No early, no say.

Sir, I really-- Say!

If you must know, I'm meeting my fiancée at the airport.

Fiancée? Ha-ha.

Well, that's gotta be wrong.

Uh, Timmy,

are you having trouble with your English words again?

No,

English is my first language.

Of seven.

I mean "fiancée" as in the woman I am to marry.

You're engaged?

How am I just hearing about this?

Surprisingly, I have some personal information

that you've not yet bribed, threatened

or twisted my nipple to obtain.

All right, get back here

and take your shirt off. Here we go.

It's an arranged marriage.

My parents are quite traditionally Indian.

It's part of my culture.

Not sure how I feel about this.

How big are the old fun bags?

I am not as yet familiar with the old fun bags.

She's coming to visit relatives

and I will meet her for the first time tomorrow.

Come on, you haven't even met her yet?

My parents met on their wedding day

and have been happily married for nearly three decades.

Ay, caramba.

Wow, your culture sure has its quirks.

It's bad enough they make you wear the feathery hats

and talk to the eagles and stuff.

It is, in fact, not that bad, sir,

because, once again, I'm not that kind of Indian!

All right, you don't have to scalp me over this.

I just can't believe someone in this day and age

would go through with an arranged marriage.

My marriage to Audrey was arranged.

By vodka.

I gotta find a way to show Timmy he's making a huge mistake.

I hate to see him forced to do something he doesn't wanna do.

You do that to him all the time.

I know. The other day I made him touch a dead pigeon.

I'm just saying, this is New York.

You can't leave the window open.

I burnt my toaster waffles

and I couldn't watch 27 Dresses with all that smoke.

I can't believe we have nothing worth stealing.

It's embarrassing. It's not embarrassing.

Yeah, it's a little embarrassing.

Why don't you just get some decent stuff?

Here's an idea.

Why don't you go 50 miles north of Santa Fe,

lay 180 bucks on an old Navajo broad and get a bowl.

Hello.

Wow, you look great. You're glowing.

Something really incredible happened last night.

Guilty.

No, not that.

Okay, you guys, this was truly unbelievable.

It was, like, 4 in the morning and all of a sudden--

Audrey, I thought that was a private thing.

No, I want to share it with our friends. And Russell.

Anyway, so I woke up

and I looked at the end of my bed,

and I saw my grandma's ghost.

Hm.

Wow.