The Devil's Rejects

02 The Devils Rejects Unrated Directors Cut - Rob Zombie 2005 English

Mr. Dobson...

It's time for us to do what the good lord would refer to as a cleansing of the wicked.

And what my brother, George, god rest his soul...

Used to call 100% Alabama ass-kicking.

So you think we're gonna die here today?

Dying's not an option.

Now, you stick that back in that Gray matter of yours and you make that stick.

'Cause any other thought's gonna get you cold-slabbed, toe-tagged...

And mailed home to your mama in a plastic bag. Are we crystal?

Crystal, sir.

Gentlemen! Let's do what god made us to do!

This is sheriff John Quincey Wydell...

Of the ruggsville county sheriff's department.

You're completely surrounded!

You have no chance of escape!

Now would be the time for vacate the premises peacefully!

Fuck.

There's a million fucking cops.

Come on.

Otis, them fucking pigs are everywhere.

Tell me something I don't already fucking know.

We gotta fucking do something!

You're completely surrounded! You have no chance of escape!

I count 10 cars, about 45 pigs.

I know, I know! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck!

Shit, where the fuck is tiny?

I ain't seen tiny.

Tiny? I think he went out last night.

Look, everybody shut up.

Mama, what's the matter?

I keep thinking about old times.

Like when you was a fucking baby.

You know, you looked like an angel.

I know, mama, you told me that a million times.

Yeah.

Gentlemen!

On the count of three!

Ready? Yeah.

One!

- I love you, mama. - I love you, baby.

Two!

Let's go.

Three!

Motherfuckers!

Die, you fuckers!

Fuck, you okay? Yeah! You?

Yeah. Fuck!

Ready?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go!

Hold your fire!

- Dobson, get some tear gas in that house! - Yes, sir.

Mama!

Come on! Come on! Let's go! Let's go!

Do not fucking move!

I advise you to lower that weapon.

I'm sorry, sheriff...

But you ain't getting me.

Looks like you ain't getting off that easy, huh, bitch?

All right, everybody, listen up!

I want this place gone over with a fine-toothed comb.

Wherever these fuckers are, they gotta be close.

I am standing outside the perimeter...

Of what is turning out to be the most horrific crime scene...

Since Jack the ripper stalked the streets of London.

What police have uncovered reads like this:

"Words can't describe it."

"Human skulls used as ornaments."

"Body parts stuffed in refrigerators."

And I can't believe what it says here. "A mass grave of decomposing bodies..."

"Dumped under the crawl space of the house."

Hey, chief. You might want to check this out.

- What? - I don't know.

Jesus h. Christ. The motherfucker.

What? You recognize the clown?

Yeah, his name is Spaulding. Captain fucking Spaulding.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Give it. Give it for me.

- Yeah! - Yeah! Ride the horse, baby!

- Ride it, ride it, yeah! Yeah! Yeah! - You're the captain.

Oh, yeah, honey! Give it for me.

You're the captain. Come on, baby. Yes! Yes!

Oh, ride it, baby. Ride it. Ride it. Ride it. Feels so good.

Yeah, give it up! Give it! Give it!

- You're the captain. - Yeah! Oh, come on, baby!

Ride it, oh, yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Deeper, daddy! Deeper!

- Oh, yeah! - Deeper, daddy! Deeper!

Oh, honey, you're getting a good ride tonight.

Next time you're gonna have to pay me.

Did you just call me a fucking whore?

I calls them like I sees them.

Really? You think I'm a fucking whore?

I don't think it, I know it.

Whore this, fucker.

Hey, hey, hey! Come on now, baby, hold on.

I'm just messing with you. You know us clowns. We like to...

We like to just fool around a bunch, you know. Come on.

Yeah.

Laugh.

Clown, laugh!

Honey.

What's the matter, bad dream?

Yeah, 50-50.

You wanna fool around some more?

Oh, Jesus Christ, woman, I gotta take a piss.

No.

Hey, didn't you get enough ass-banging last night?

God damn it, my dick is still sore.

Come on, I'm horny.

Most guys like that quality in a girl.

Yeah, except you're acting like some kind of spastic mongoloid in heat.

- Fucking bitch. - Hurry.

- Where is it? - Just calm down, it'll be on in a minute.

There it is. You're there.

You look so sexy.

Well, howdy, folks. It's your pal captain Spaulding again.

Yes, I'm here to tell you about a brand-new attraction.

Mary the monkey! Oh, yeah, that's right.

This here little honey is half real human, half monkey...

I love that monkey.

I brought all the way from the wilds of Borneo.

So y'all come in, make sure you bring little Johnny and Suzy with you.

She'll scare the holy guacamole out of them.

And remember, while you're down here...

Pick up your "captain Spaulding for president" It's me.-shirt.

Yes, yes.

All shapes and...

Hey, what the fuck? What the fuck is this?

I paid good money for this god damn commercial.

Sheriff, news update. What is the situation here now?

- Situation? - Yes, what's the situation?

Now what? God damn it!

Yeah, what?

Daddy, you gotta get out of there. “What?

The pigs hit us this morning real bad. You gotta get out now.

- Who's that? - Shut the fuck up.

They're gonna be coming for you, too.

All right, all right. Just calm down, baby. Calm down, now.

I'll meet you at the kahiki palms motel, just like we always planned.

Yeah, okay.

I'll be there as soon as I possibly can, all right?

All right, just go now.

Poopie, what do you need a gun for? Where are we going?

You ain't going nowhere, bitch.

- Poopie, I'm worried. - Get out of my fucking way.

If you're out there listening to this, I got a message for you.

I'm coming to get you. And you can't run forever.

You're gonna have to stop somewhere, sometime.

And when you do, I'm going to be there for put the wrath of the lord up your ass.

Poopie, don't go.

God damn it, stop calling me poopie!

- Leave me alone, woman! - I want my poopie.

- Leave me alone! - Poopie, no!

In an attempt to help the ruggsville police department...

We here at news update would like to show you these mug shots of the suspects...

Known to have escaped during the raid earlier this morning.

$100...

$150...

$175...

$1847?

What? Candy!

What?

Candy, come on down here!

Get... come on, cut that out. Turn it off.

Candy, come down here!

Come on down here!

all right, shit.

What?

This is bullshit, baby! What is this?

What do you want me to say? It's a slow fucking night, boss.

All them farmers want is a quickie hand job, and boom!

$10.

Back on their tractor, save the real fucking for the sheep.

Jesus, candy, you gotta figure a way to hook them in.

You gotta hustle that pussy.

Find a new angle, and you might attract a higher clientele.

Yeah, well, I've been thinking about that, right?

I was thinking about something spacey, you know, like that star wars shit.

You know, all them losers wanna fuck Princess Leia, right?

- I'd fuck her. - Thank you.

I don't know.

You start messing with that spacey shit and you'll really bring out some sick bitches.

They'll all want to pretend they're robots.

Last thing I need is horny robots running around, tripping over shit.

Droids, boss, they call them droids. “Whatever!

I still say it's risky.

Wong's Hong Kong gardens, Mr. Wong speaking.

Cut the shit, Charlie. It's me, cutter.

I got a serious meltdown going on down here and I need a place to cool out...

So I'm coming down.

Fuck, man, I don't think it's such a great idea, you coming around here.

I am coming down now.

- Whoa, hold on. Hold it. - Fuck.

Hold it!

Fuck.

Man, I don't see him.

Shit, where the fuck is he?

Jesus, can we get over this already?

I mean, I just don't find it funny any more.

I don't know. It's still pretty funny.