Workin' Moms

Kate: Previously on "Workin' Moms".

We have let this go long enough.

We need to, like, hug and communicate.

Did Anne give you more drugs?

Did you or did you not want me to come onto you?

Marvin this was just some harmless office flirting.

Get a hold of yourself.

Anne: My Nanny has bonded with my daughter

more in a week than I have in nine years.

So, you in Kate?

Let the best man win.

Your words not mine, man.

Something I like to do is just a gentle bicycle

with the legs.

And not only does this feel dynamite

in their little quads and hammies,

but it also helps them to release gas.

Speaking of massage; Kate what's going on here?

Kate: Oh, that?

That's just the most amazing rub down I've ever had.

I can't even imagine.

What, you've never had a massage before?

I mean, not in years.

I, uh... I don't think I could enjoy it anymore

because I am just too preoccupied.

- With what? - Boiling your diva cup?

Okay, take your thumbs and trace little circ...

No, Anne, with the fact that I have so much to do everyday.

You know, doing the laundry, cleaning the house,

making baby food.

See if you weren't making baby food

maybe you could go for a massage.

Everyday I take, like, 20 minutes

just to think or dance or, I don't know,

clean my cow figurines, whatever. Something.

I tell my family that I have IBS,

so I can lock myself in the bathroom and play Candy Crush.

Jenny, what is the filter that you use in your selfies?

I don't use filters.

Really? Wow.

Well, I've made the conscious choice

not to be on social media.

Anne: Oh, good for you, Sheila.

- All: - Kate: Let's throw her a parade.

Will there just be one ball

that all our parents will share from?

- What? - Here, like this.

Ah, smaller. Hm-hmm.

All right what time are you gonna be home tonight?

Uh, no later than four, five the latest. I promise.

Well, you better be home for dinner.

The last time you left me alone

with your parents it was the worst.

When I gave birth to Charlie?

The small talk was excruciating.

Fair enough.

Remember when you told me to throw out this box of junk?

I do, yeah.

Well, I didn't throw out this box of junk.

I hid it in the crawl space.

Oh, thanks for your constant reminder

- that I married the right man. - Did you ever!

Guess how much my VHS copy

of "Beauty and the Beast" is worth?

- Uh, negative 10 cents? - Uh, try positive $500.

What?! What kind of nutjob pays $500 for VHS?

Can you please take Jamie with you?

Oh, uh, funny, you know, studies have said

that crying babies really muck up a business transaction...

Lionel!

But I'm gonna take her 'cause I love her

and I'm a good father. Yes.

Let's go meet Herb.

Hopefully he's not a murderer.

Yes. Yes.

Okay, bye, mommy.

- Lionel? - Yeah.

You will take her out of the box

and put her in the car-seat, right?

Yeah.

- - Where's Daddy going?

Jesus Christ, you scared me.

Sorry for living.

Daddy and Jamie went to sell junk to a man named Herb.

Gross.

So I guess it's just me and you today.

Fun.

Looking good, sugar butt.

What are you doing?

C'mon don't worry, I won't put it in.

Put what in what?

Your sweet ass in my Kickstarter video.

For my movie.

The movie about fat vampires?

Did you listen to anything I said?

My new screenplay is about stay at home dads.

Are the dads vampires?

No.

Also, not a bad idea.

I can't believe you're making a Kickstarter.

You really think people are gonna give you money.

Yeah. You said you were gonna help.

I was planning on going to yoga.

You don't need yoga, baby, if anything, yoga needs you.

Come on, it'll be fun. You, me, Zoe.

Fine I'll help you.

You don't have to guilt me, I'll do it.

All right!

Zoe!

Ugh, okay, I was test driving the clients bike.

It's a fixed gear bike.

Did you know they don't have brakes?

Yeah, Carl,

everybody knows that they don't have brakes.

Hey, you know what didn't have breaks last night?

- Uh-oh. - This guy.

- Too bad I wasted it on a seven. - Did you guys smash?

Chad could you refrain from speaking millennial in here?

Come on, you guys know what "smash" is.

It's like tap that.

You're talking about sex?

Yeah, just like, less sad.

It sounds very violent.

- What do you people call it? - Sex. Mo?

I don't know. Guess I'd say, uh, we banged.

Got it on. Laid some pipe.

Like you could ever do anything as masculine

- as plumbing. -

Carl, what's your smash?

Uh, make love.

As enlightening as this is, let's, let's get down to work.

- Agreed. - Okay.

Uh, Carl, So do you want my specified notes right now?

- Yes I do. Yeah. - Chad, actually,

you can hang onto those notes

because you'll be making the presentation.

Oh, I-I thought I was?

Yeah. Uh, Carl, seeing as you broke your face

on the bike last night,

I'm gonna keep you away from the clients.

Yeah, so, uh... I don't know about that,

I've never pitched before.

You can handle it, man.

Yeah, man, you're gonna smash it.

Please, come into my office.

Can I offer you a refreshment?

Look, I got chips, gum,

I'm pretty sure this is a juice.

You clearly love that place.

If you wanna make a move, Nora, this is the time.

I just, I feel rushed.

Mm-mm, no. We keep coming back here, right?

That means something.

Seventh times a charm, right?

I don't know.

- Is this gum's cinnamon? - Hm-hmm.

It's burning my mouth.

Is your body trying to tell you something?

You ready to make a move?

Hm-hmm.

- 'Kay. - Uh-ha.

I'll do it. Put in my offer.

Woo-yeah, come on, let's do this.

All right. Okay. Hold please.

And it is sent.

- Oh God, I feel regret. - Don't. Don't do that.

You are gonna thrive here, Nora.

You're right.

Yeah. This is gonna mean good things for you.

You didn't get the house.

What?! Oh-no, oh-no, oh-no.

Look, can I be real with you?

- Never saw you in that house. - What?!

No, you, you think that you think

inside the box,

but I think that you think outside the box.

Listen, got a little gem that I've had in my back pocket

for a few months now.

Don't tell anybody.

Want to see the little gem that's in my back pocket?

It's a gem.

I don't mind seeing the gem in your back pocket.

- Yeah-yeah-yeah, right. - Let's blow this joint.

- -

Game: Juice!

Alice: Watch out. Mini port is coming.

Quick, we've gotta get out of here before it's too late.

Alice: We must save Pretty Corn.

If only Bravy Corn were here, he could help us.

Well, how do we look?

- You look fine. - Can I press record?

- You ready? - I'm ready, all right.

Hi, I am Ian Mathews and I am a stay at home dad.

Every morning I wake up and I get to bond with my daughter.