Harley Quinn

Oh, hey. I didn't see you there.

I'm Lex Luthor,

and I'm here to tell you

a little bit about the Legion of Doom.

The LOD is a supportive community

of elite supervillains

dedicated to making the world a worse place.

We've been behind some of the most evil plots

of the 21st century.

Hey, Black Manta.

What's that?

They're waiting for the new recruits right next door?

Looks like you better get in there.

And make sure you bad guys bring a good attitude.

Hey, that's you!

What did you say to Black Manta

to elicit such rage?

Nothing racist.

Guys, pull it together.

We are about to join...

The Legion of Doom.

Welcome home, Harley.

And that's all the time we have.

Oh, and my apologies to Bane

who wanted to do some magic.

It was going to be a spectacle.

I'd like to say something.

Oh, my God!

When I heard we were letting in Harley Quinn,

I thought...

No one deserves this opportunity

more than she does.

Oh this guy. I'm sorry.

But didn't he try to kill you multiple times?

I know, I know.

I tried to kill you multiple times,

but frankly, Harley,

now you're the one killing it.

Wow...

Oh, I've seen this before.

It's just like the time my ex, Sandra, called me up

after I lost 20 pounds.

Where were you when I was still 2,750, Sandra?

Where were you?

I needed love then.

Promise us you will not make us the Jen Aniston

to your Bradley Pitt's feverish pursuit of co-star

Ann-halina Yo-lee.

Wow, that's a lot to unpack.

Guys, guys, come on! Give me a little credit here.

Joker saying a few nice things about me

ain't gonna make me see him any different, okay?

Pick a card.

When my mind's set, it is set.

Hell, they blew out three electric shock machines at Arkham

trying to get through to me.

I am done giving that clown second chances.

Is your card

the three of hearts?

No. Fuck!

Okay, look. I know the last time we talked,

it was... Shitty.

But, you know, I feel like maybe we have an opportunity to start over here.

Hmm.

Okay. We can build off "hmm."

I also, obviously, would like to apologize

for saying you're jealous of me

and that you got no friends and that--

All right, thank you. I remember what you said.

I know you were just trying to protect me, and...

Listen, I am gonna do the same for you, okay?

Just 'cause I'm a card carryin' member

of the Legion of Doom now--

Fuck that place in the ass.

Yes. For sure. Although, listen...

I am working there

and I hope it doesn't affect our friendship.

I would be dead without you.

Like, a lot.

I do not disagree with that.

I mean, I'm glad you're not dead, but...

I don't know, it just...

It felt like you were so ready to abandon me.

I would never do that.

I will always be there for ya.

I will always smash things

you might need smashed, Ive.

Wait, I know that look.

Is there something you need smashed?

Come on, Ive, there's gotta be something you need smashed.

There is... There is something actually, I've been working on.

I knew it! You're gonna do something evil.

That is great!

Yeah. You know, I mean, if we're still categorizing

fighting to protect the environment as "evil,"

then sure.

At our new state-of-the-art manufacturing plant in Gotham,

we're building the machines to revolutionize

the development of our beautiful city.

Join us in paving the way together

to a better Gotham.

I'm gonna destroy it.

Ooh, you're still fired up, Ive.

You are glowing.

Count me in on destroying this new factory.

Really? Great.

Okay. Let's meet up on Friday night and go over a plan.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I got this.

The Legion gave me a corporate card

and said I can expense any meal

where I talk about doing something evil.

Yeah, once again, it's just... We're saving plants,

we're not actually doing something evil...

You know what?

Thanks, Harls.

We added a little something we thought you might enjoy.

Oh, it's beautiful!

What's the thread count? Oh, my God.

It's under the sheet, you dry turd!

Oh, my God!

So thoughtful.

You got mahogany, oak, pine...

And... Just one chair.

Where are the rest of us supposed to sit?

Oh, we have special offices for all of you.

My assistant cultural attache,

Esteban, will take you.

Why, hello, Esteban!

And from what exotic pueblito

on the Iberian Peninsula might you derive?

It's Steve, and I'm from Tulsa.

I don't know why Mr. Luthor calls me that,

but he always does.

Follow me.

Okay. Come on.

I know where I'm going.

I remember where my old office is.

Yeah, that's been filled.

We have something else for you.

Why did you hit down on the elevator?

And here we are.

No, no. No, no, I know this place.

This is where they keep the goons and the henchmen.

Right. Like you.

We're not goons.

We're not henchmen.

We have powers.

That's right. I am an actor!

You are not an actor.

You are a huge pile of clay

that can turn into anything you want.

He is a giant half-shark man.

And I am a telepath.

We have actual powers!

Uh, calm down, Dr. Guy.

This is where you're supposed to be, and you're lucky.

Touch whatever you want. Everything's broken.

Goons, you're with me.

The hell we are!

We work for Harley.

And now, for me, too.

I've signed you out for a very important mission.

I got a razzy zazzy for "Bang."

It's Bane!

You know it's Bane.

I'm here everyday, Todd.

Goddamn millennials.

Whatever, Bang!

So, we're blowing up Todd after dinner.

Don't eat so much you get lethargic,

but eat enough that you don't get fainty

'cause I do not bring snacks.

The streets will run with razzy zazzy.

And thanks to Black Manta for the bagels.

There's only cinnamon raisins!

You know I hate raisins!

Oh! Wait. Here's an everything.

So, Harley,

every week we meet to pitch our evil ideas.

This is where we get approval

for the use of Legion resources

like goons and getaway cars.

And s'plosions!

I have no idea what the fuck "s'plosions" are, Bane,

but we do have explosives.

So this is the place to get creative feedback on ideas.

Exactly.

We modeled it after the way they do things at Pixar.

I wish they would make another Up movie.

They can't.

The story was over at the end of the first.

Unless,

the kid is the old man in the sequel.

Oh, that's fun!

That's a good one.

Can we stop with the nonsense, please?

Who wants to start? Okay!

So, I want to build a giant tower

with my face on it.

Loving this.