Mamaboy

Shall we gather at the river

where bright angel feet have trod?

With its crystal tide forever

flowing by the throne of god.

Yes, we'll gather at the river, the beautiful,

the beautiful river.

What? Hey!

What are you doing?

Get out of here.

Hey!

Fear.

Fear ye, the lord your god.

Or forever in hell...

You'll be cast into a lake of fire

with Satan himself, and there...

I've been waiting for you.

Ah.

The gnashing of teeth.

He who even looks at a woman.

Why does Satan want to mash your teeth?

He's already committed adultery.

So if your eye offends you, if it causes you to lust,

pluck it out.

Cast it away.

Same thing with your nose.

How many...

Get away from there.

Somebody's gonna see you.

Your father is in rare form today.

Speaking of rare form, where'd you

learn how to kiss like that?

Just doing what comes natural.

Mm.

I like nature.

You know, the only way to get to eternal glory

is through sacrifice.

Somehow, somewhere, someday, the good lord

is going to ask you maybe to make a tremendous sacrifice.

And on that day, what will you say?

How will you answer him?

Will you answer him yes?

Yes?

Will you answer him yes?

Yes.

I think we need to practice sacrificing

now, starting today.

When the collection plate goes by,

I want you to sacrifice as much as you possibly can

to the lord.

Remember, money is the root of all evil,

so use this opportunity to rid yourself

of as much evil as possible.

Remember, it is written, ask how much to give,

and you shall receive an answer.

And folks, lord loves a hilarious giver, so please,

let me hear some laughter.

A little laughter.

Don't hurt that much.

Let me hear some laughter.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

The lord loves the hilarious giver.

I'd like to thank you.

The lord appreciates your generosity.

You know, it is this spirit of giving which enabled us

to acquire this magnificent stained glass window

imported directly from Italy.

I'm sure we will treasure it for many, many years

to come.

Amen to that.

Mm.

Kelly?

Yeah.

Do you know what today is?

I'm guessing it's Sunday.

Besides that.

It's the 10-year year anniversary

of the day we first met.

Yeah.

I was seven and you were eight.

Remember?

I was a bat girl in your little league team.

I went over to pick up a bat, and you

were practicing your swing.

And I knocked out your front four teeth.

Oh, so romantic.

Yeah, well, if you think that's romantic,

check this out.

Oh. Kelly.

It opens.

Open it.

It's beautiful.

I'm never going to take it off.

I love you, Kelly Hankins.

And I love you, Lisa weld.

Help me put it on.

Of course.

Yeah.

All right.

Got it?

Yeah.

Tomorrow starts our first day of senior year.

I know.

I mean, this could be the best year of our lives.

What's your favorite thing about school?

My favorite thing about school?

Well, besides you?

Baseball season.

I mean, there's just something about it...

Standing, on the mound and game's on the line.

I have a chance to be a hero.

Everyone's chanting "Kelly, Kelly, Kelly!"

I know everyone's behind me,

and they're gonna trust I make the right decision.

It's just one time, I'd like to just

reach out and grab that feeling and hold onto it forever.

I wish I could feel that way.

But I'd be scared to death.

You're scared of everything.

Well, don't you ever get afraid?

Sometimes.

Like, does it make sense to be afraid of being afraid?

What do you mean?

When I'm trusted to make the big decision,

like, the really big decision, could I do it?

Would I cave?

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly,

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.

Very funny.

How about you?

What's your favorite thing?

Hm.

I like the dances.

It's the only time I can hold you in public.

How much longer do we have to keep this secret?

Eight months, one week, and three days.

My 18th birthday, the day my father

finally allows me to start dating.

It feels like forever.

I mean, you may not even love me anymore.

I could go crazy, gain 100 pounds, bald.

I don't know.

I'd still love you.

Why don't we tell your father right now.

That's a terrible idea.

Then I wouldn't be allowed to date until I was crazy, bald,

and gained 100 pounds.

Well, I'd still love you.

All right, coward.

Eight months, one week, three days.

It's a date.

On one condition.

All right.

On my first date, I want to wear the biggest, most

beautiful pink orchid in town.

I'd do anything for you.

Anything at all.

Well, I've got a heavy hankering for you,

Kelly Hankins.

Mary, good to see you.

You too.

Hey, Bob.

Pleasure, sir.

Oh.

Good to see you.

And just where have you been, young lady?

I needed to use the bathroom.

Lisa, you need to understand the importance of the example

you set for our young people.

Yes, daddy.

You... hi, hi.

You provide the moral guidance with your virtue

- for our entire community. - Yes, daddy.

I expect you sitting at the front row of every service.

I will be, daddy.

Oh, the Hankins family.

Good morning, reverend weld.

Gloria.

Wonderful sermon today, reverend.

And how are you, Jimmy?

Just fine, sir.

- About your sermon today? - Yes.

If money is the root of all evil, how do I fertilize it?

Quite the mind on this young man.

Quite an original thinker.

Wonderful.

Hm.

Kelly, how's the arm on Butterhill's star pitcher?

It's great, sir. Thank you.

It's good. We are all counting on you.

This is... this is very stylish.

It's the new style.

You should try it, sir.

I think I might.

Well, good to see you.

Good to see you.

Pleasure, sir.

Hey.

I'm coming.

Hey, bombs away!