Midsomer Murders

So you can actually make money out of torturing people?

Build it... and they will suffer.

Oh, I thought you were happy running a paper mill.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth, Artie.

One word... savage.

I didn't call it the Psycho Mud Run for nothing.

You're not making them plow through water as well, are you?

Artie, don't!

This can't be legal.

Come on.

All right.

- Go. - Go.

Ha!

Josie?

Josie.

What?

Josie?

For goodness' sake!

Oh, hysterical.

Ned.

Get out of the water.

Take my hand!

Hurry!

Come on!

Was that what I think it was?

Yeah.

Ahab... the monster of the lake.

Boss.

Right. Move it, ladies. And you, Suze.

Max, so, who are you sharing a room with?

We're gonna get a pint, aren't we?

One day I'm going to do a Lola and visit all of those places.

And leave me to run this place on me own?

A girl can dream.

Welcome to The Fisherman's Arms.

Here comes my future.

What, no kiss?

That wasn't a kiss.

You get a proper one if you win tomorrow.

Deal?

You'd better get ready to pucker up.

Griff.

Look. What do you reckon?

I thought you'd never ask, mate.

Idiot. I'm gonna propose tomorrow.

Have you asked Simone's dad yet?

- It's not him I'm marrying. - It's tradition.

Idiot.

So that's two nights with breakfast.

And if you want to dine in the restaurant, you need to book.

We're inundated.

I presume you're here for the Psycho.

What gave it away?

You've stayed with us before.

That's some memory.

I never forget a face.

Right. Check in, then meet me out front.

Quick 5K to blow the cobwebs.

Yes!

Come on.

Is that your van outside?

Does it double as an ambulance?

Winter, isn't it?

That's just about when you'll finish the race.

At least I'll finish.

Good luck, son.

Cheers.

Oh. You got lucky.

The room with the best view.

Bet you say that to every guest.

Go on! Back it up!

What is that?

That's Ahab.

Twenty grand to the first person to catch him.

That's happening this weekend?

First competition we've had here in years.

Surprised you didn't hear about it.

The build-up's been boring me to death for weeks.

Mind you, they can't catch something that doesn't exist.

Enjoy your stay.

I know it's been ages, but listen.

I'm at Solomon Gorge.

Yeah. Never mind why. You need to get here.

Inevitably, there's a lot of discussion about it.

But there are myths and there are truths,

and Ahab is a bona fide truth.

And I am gonna prove that beyond all doubt this weekend.

His time is up.

He tells all the girls about his monster.

Uh, give me two of everything, please, Freddie, mate.

I need, uh, two carp rods, um, hooks, swivels,

10 kilos of boilies, plus a sack of pellet.

Need to see your money first.

You'll see it when I hook the big one, mate.

You're going up against the pros, Griff.

World-class anglers, mate.

You know me. I was born lucky.

Ned, how's things?

Good, Harper. Thank you.

Good is good, but, uh, I'm gonna make your day great.

I'd, uh, I'd like to ask you

for your daughter's hand in marriage.

You almost had me going then.

I'm serious.

Do I have your blessing?

Ned? Mr. Skye?

What are you doing with all that gear?

It's open season, mate.

- Mr. Skye? - Not now, Harper!

I demand a refund for my fishing peg.

The competition hasn't even started yet.

You are a charlatan, Mr. Lamb.

The course of this abomination runs clean through the lake.

Well, it can't. I've got an agreement in place.

That is the course.

That is the lake.

You see how they converge?

All of the fish will be spooked, including Ahab!

It's not on. Let's have a word.

What's going on, Freddie? Is this some sort of joke?

- This ain't gonna work, Freddie. - Yeah. We want our money back.

Griffin! We're fully booked. I need you this weekend.

It's only two days.

Yeah. The busiest two days!

Lex. Wow.

Long time no see. What are you doing here?

Are you serious?

Sometimes in life, choices are made for you.

You know that as well as I do.

Make another choice.

Sorry. We're closing.

You rerouted the course.

I meant to tell you, Freddie. That's why I'm here now.

I need the Psycho to be more of a test.

We shook hands.

The one thing your stupid course isn't supposed to do

- is go near the lake. - It's unfortunate, but...

Well, change it back.

I spent years trying to set up another fishing competition.

Anyone need another teammate?

A fiver and I'm in.

I even know a shortcut.

Right.

Remember, we're reigning champions,

going for a fourth win in five Midsomer Mud Runs.

And, uh... yeah, let's get it done!

- Whoo! - Let's do it. Come on.

Wha-a-a-a-hey!

So, is there a-a prize for winning?

Winning?

I'll be happy just to make it over the finish line.

I should've brought some tinfoil to wrap around you.

Have you seen Jamie?

Uh, just look for the day-glo.

- Oh, there he is. - There you go, mate.

All bright and shining.

Hey, I'll see you at the finish line.

I've got a week's leave due.

You squabbling, Winter?

Hardly the way to represent Causton C.I.D.

They started it.

Well, that's terrible.

It's good likeness, though.

There's definitely some real talent there.

Look, Betty.

Jamie. Hi.

Oh. Um...

Jade-Marie. P.C. Jade-Marie Pierce.

Pierce. Yeah. Of course. No. I've seen you around.

So, uh, is it just us?

Half the station said they joined up.

Yeah. I heard the same.

I think they might have been winding us up.

Well, it looks like we're in this together.

I'll just go and drop my bag.

Couldn't resist seeing a big, scary fish eat you.

As if Ahab actually exists.

One word, Winter... Jaws.

Easy. You'll throw up.

Yeah. All over him if I can.

He's staying at the inn.

Didn't know you knew him.

Yeah. I know him.

All right, Paddy. He's not real.

At least I hope he's not.

Oh! Paddy, come here!

Oh.

Years of planning down the drain.

Paddy.

Paddy, get back here.

Where's Lola been now, then?

Stop doing this to yourself.

Ah. Cuba. Very nice.

My daughter's on a 'round-the-world tour.

I never know where the next postcard's coming from.

Not sure I could bear that.

Yeah. Worst part of being a parent.

You know they're gonna fly the nest one day.

- Smash it, girl. - Hey, what about me?

You'll be too busy being a delicious snack for Ahab.