The Michael J. Fox Show

Great meal, Annie. I know I said that last night

- but tonight, I really mean it. - That's what you said last night.

- I've gotta stop talking so much. - Last time I ate this well,

I was dating that sous chef at cookshop. Michelle.

No, wait. Chelsea. Yeah.

No, she lived in Chelsea!

- Sounds like that was built to last. - Oh, she's still in the rotation.

That's what every girl wants, to be a nameless cog in your sex machine.

Oh, well, when you say it like that,

it's more like, "will you be a cog in my sex machine?"

- Sign me up. - The dishwasher's throwing up.

- Leigh, you used the wrong soap! - Is there more than one?

Oh, God. It's everywhere!

If that was Parkinson's, we're cool. If not, what the hell, Dad?

You've been texting the whole meal.

It's Reese, it seems like all we do is argue now

about what movie to see, how to use hashtags on Twitter.

You know, who hangs up first used to be a game.

- Now, it's a serious discussion. - Ian, when it comes to women,

there's six words you gotta remember: "You're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry."

Ah. That's one way to go.

But why would you say you're sorry if you're not sorry?

It's just easier. Sometimes, you win the fight by losing it.

So it's okay to lie?

Sounds like someone wants to be a news reporter.

Why don't you go in my room and get my tape recorder?

And that's how you dodge a question.

Hey, sweetie. Where you been?

I thought your photography class was over at six.

It was, but I walked home, and I couldn't stop taking pictures.

I saw this plastic bag just dancing on the breeze.

So I moved it out of the way and took a picture of the building,

which reminds me: Do you want to go to MoMA this weekend?

You wanna go to a museum with me?

Just the two of us? At the same time?

Well, yeah, I'm not gonna make you stand in another room and

pretend you don't know me. This isn't my 14th birthday party.

Eve's been a whole new person since she started

taking photography at the community center.

- She smiles. She laughs. - At first, we thought it was drugs.

But it... it turns out she can feel.

I still have to choose photos for my class project,

but I'm having the hardest time narrowing it down.

Maybe we can help.

I'm not really sure this is gonna be your thing.

Eve, it's art. We're arty. No judgment.

- Come on. - Come on. Great.

I'm really looking forward to seeing your nudes.

- Oh, my. - Interesting.

- Wow. - Ooh.

- Holy cow. - Male nudes.

Totally naked, nude men... naked, nude men.

- Oh, well, he's wearing a hat. - Yeah, there's a healthy fella.

- Wha... what's his name? - I don't know.

They're just models that came into our class.

It's nice of them to provide naked men

to come and expose themselves to you.

I knew you were gonna be worried about this.

We're not weird. Wha... I mean, come on, Eve.

Look who you're talking to. We are progressive people.

- We're full-frontal progressive. - We were just taken a back by... by...

- by your talent. - There's a lot of talent here!

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, great. Thanks for being so cool, guys.

You know, I'm impressed.

Ohh...

That guy's not normal, right? She's using a special lens for that?

Okay, should I just chuck the rest of this bratwurst?

- Definitely. - All right, we need to talk about this.

We can't have our daughter hanging out

in a room full of nude men, at least not until college.

Or... and this is just a thought... never!

But she's been such a delight since she started taking that class.

You know, the other day, she complimented me on my briefcase.

- I went into the bathroom and cried. - It's like after all these years,

she's finally treating us like we're the cool parents.

All right, we have to shut this down delicately,

- or she'll go right back to being 'old Eve'. - 'Old Eve' is the worst.

I'll tell you what. I'll talk to her.

She wants to be an artist? I'll treat her like an artist.

- Besides, you know how you get. - What do you mean, Mike?

What, you think I can't sit her down calmly

and look her in the... You know what? Okay, I am hearing that now.

Harris, wait! There's something I wanna ask you.

- It's kinda personal. - Look, man. None of those ads work.

- You've got what you got. - No, it's... Seriously?

So "guaranteed results" means nothing?

- Mm-mm. - But no. I saw you disagree with my Dad.

What do you think I should do about Reese?

I don't wanna get involved, man.

But, you know, dating shouldn't be that hard. It's like buying a car.

Choose something dependable and keep it forever.

- So I should propose. - No!

Uh-uh. Test drive as many as you can. You're young.

Why fix a beater when there are other cars on the lot?

Look, say you need space. Then walk away.

It looks like this.

Bye.

Luke, I am your father.

- Graham, what the hell? - It's not my fault.

If this is broken, you're dead.

You know you're not supposed to play in the hallway.

- You're right, I'm wrong, I'm sorry. - Well...

I guess it was just an accident. Can the Empire Strike Back in your room?

Dad was right. It's like I learned a Jedi mind trick.

Now, you're gonna delete this.

Looking at pictures, huh? You know what I like about art?

The way it leaves certain things to the imagination.

Exactly. It's all about subtext.

Some people look at this, and all they see is a naked man.

- Idiots. - But what they're really seeing

is a subversion of the artistic paradigm that objectifies women.

Well, hat's off to you, except on that guy.

Although, you know, sometimes... and hear me out on this...

wouldn't it be more subversive to do something less edgy?

- In what way? - Well, when I was a kid, I played

lead guitar in a garage band, and all we played was heavy metal.

You used to play guitar? Why did you quit?

My parents made me. They wanted me to play piccolo.

- But the point is... - Piccolo? Ugh, piccolo sucks.

- Guitar is way cooler. - That's what I said.

I mean, piccolo is basically like a tiny flute.

- I wanted to play real-sized things. - Of course you did, and you should've.

That's why it's... it's so great that you get it.

- What do I get? - My art. Me.

You know what? I'm gonna dedicate my project to you.

I'll call it "Dad's piccolo."

Oh, don't call it that!

I just graded 74 papers on "The Scarlet Letter",

and all but two of them refer to a scene,

- that is only in the movie. - So let me guess. 2 "A"s and 72 "B"s.

Well, I gave a "C" to the girl who called the main character "Demi."

- How'd your talk with Eve go? - Well, it was, uh... it, um...

Uh... wha...

- What did you do? - I did nothing. I literally did nothing.

I-I-one minute, I'm talking to her about being less edgy.

And the next minute, she's dedicating the project to me.

I knew I should've done this!

- You love them too much. - I do. It's a real problem.

You know, my parents would've just said,

"You have to stop because we said so."

I hated it when my parents used "Because I said so."

That is exactly what I'm gonna say when I put them in a home.

Well, that's clearly not an option.

Okay, I got it. She is going to stop on her own

because I am going to scare her straight.

She needs to hear the story of Carley Steiner.

- Who's Carley Steiner? - She's a girl I went to high school with,

and she cut off all of her hair in a performance piece.

And then when it grew back, it was all stumpy and weird.

I'm gonna jazz it up a little and throw some heroin in there.

Oh, that'll work. That will work.

Thanks for joining me on such short notice.

Um, are you hungry? I could scare up some soup.

I had to be a man and just tell Reese in simple terms that it was over.

A relationship is like a car.

And even with regular maintenance and routine oil changes,

a tire can still fly off, and you crash into a tree.

- Okay. - I guess what I'm trying to say is

that you don't want to drive the same car forever.

Unless it's a foreign model, which you're not.

You're from Dallas.

And no one's saying you don't have a good grill...

Are you breaking up with me?

I'm sorry. I-I just... I need my own space.

Now technically, I would get up and walk away,

but you're in my room, so...

And to think I lent you my skinny jeans.

Hashtag: What a jerk.

Hashtags are for topics, not opinions.

Now that I knew the six magic words, I could do anything.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you

the world's longest crazy straw.

Okay, third time's a charm.

Graham. Have you lost your mind?

Your parents are gonna give me this rug one day.

- This isn't double dare. - You're right. I'm wrong.

- I'm sorry. - God, you're such a cutie.

All right, one more time, and then you have to clean it up.

I'm gonna pour.

- Hey, Reese. - Oh, hey, Aunt Leigh,

- except you're not my Aunt anymore. - Never was. Is everything all right?

- Ian just broke up with me. - What? Why?

- Are we gonna do this or what? - I-I don't know.

It was like I was talking to someone else.

- He compared me to a used car! - Honey, that's awful.

- Foreign or domestic? - Domestic.

Honey, that's awful.

I can't believe my own nephew would be so heartless.

- You know what you have to do. - Learn from this and grow stronger?

No. You have to teach him a lesson.

Ian has to learn that he can't treat women like this.

- Who is his hottest friend? - Albino Tim.

Oh, jeez. This is gonna be hard.

So there was this entire patch in the back that was just gone,

and that is where Carlene would inject the heroin.

It was awful. I mean, one day, she was this sweet girl

with a bright future. And then, she was... What are you doing?

Oh, sorry. This story is just making you come alive.

- I've gotta capture it. Keep going. - Uh, okay, so things got really bad