Doctor Dolittle (Dr. Dolittle) (Doctor Dolittle)

They say the great thing about being a kid is, it's so easy to pretend.

You can have a conversation with your dog, or a baseball, or a banana.

Well, what if it wasn’t pretend? What if you could have a conversation?

I mean, not with a baseball or a banana - that's ridiculous. But with your dog...

I mean, we don't have the same concept of time that, for instance, people do.

Because you have watches and clocks.

But we do know that you go away. And it's not like we don't know that you're gone.

So, we don't know exactly how long, no.

Why do dogs sniff each other's butts?

Well, that's just kinda our way of shaking hands.

If you really wanna get a sense of who somebody is, you gotta sniff their butt.

Son. Stop talkin' to the dog.

She doesn't understand a word.

At first his dad thought "Hey, it's harmless."

But as time went on, John crossed that fine line between harmless and just weird.

Mr. Galvin.

- Mr. Dolittle. - This is my son John.

- John, this is your new principal, Mr. Galvin. - Nice to meet you, John.

That's not good.

- Nice to meet you. - John!

It was time to put an end to it.

Thank you for coming, Reverend.

Leave this boy, devil man. Go now, Satan. Take the serpent's voices with you.

I command you to come outta this boy. Come on outta this boy.

God said it. Come on!

I'm gonna bite ya.

Get off.

Get this dog... get this dog off of me.

She was my best friend.

You'll make some real friends now.

From that day on, John Dolittle never spoke to animals again.

Someday, you're gonna thank me for this.

And after a while all he could remember

was that deep down there was something missing.

And, just like his dad wanted, he grew up to be a regular guy. You know, miserable.

Hey! Hey, get outta here.

Stupid mutt. A vicious animal's in the hallway.

Did I mention he was a father? A lot like his own father, who was a father to him before

he himself became...

She's got a giant egg.

- Good morning, Charisse. - I have changed my name to Paprika.

Paprika? Paprika Dolittle. That has a nice ring to it.

Not Dolittle. Just Paprika.

Well, I don't understand it. What is that about?

You know, Salt-n-Pepa? Paprika?

- OK. Paprika. I get it. - I think Paprika is a beautiful name.

Really? I think Paprika sounds like a seasoning.

- Dolittle. - He doesn't take anything we want seriously.

Tell me about it.

I did go over the proposal. It's unbelievable.

- OK, I'm on my way in now. - Maya, where are you goin' with that?

- It's for my swan egg I found. - Looks like it'd be a good omelette.

- It's gonna hatch any day now. - You'll miss that cos you'll be at camp.

I can't go. When a bird hatches, the first thing it sees, it bonds with it. I want it to be me.

You know, it is not healthy for you to spend all your time with your experiments.

An experiment for you would be to spend time with kids your own age at camp,

which is exactly where you're goin' this Sunday - camp.

And what about my pet egg?

Here. Here's half a dozen pet eggs to take with you to camp.

- Stop it. - I don't know what all the fuss is about.

We went and bought you that thing - what was that pet rat thing that we bought?

- A guinea pig. - The thing died. And it's not our fault.

It didn't die. His name is Rodney and he's in my room.

So why are you bothering me about the swan...?

- I'm goin' to work. Goodbye. - Bye.

Have a nice day, everybody. Nice day.

Johnny. Gene has got some qualms about the new proposal. Talk to him.

- No room for qualms, Gene. - No room for qualms.

- Qualms are bad. - Qualms are bad. Listen to Johnny.

I have qualms I'd like to discuss.

I'm just afraid that if we let a big company like Calnet take us over,

you know, we're not gonna be us any more.

- You know? We'd be them. - Let me explain.

"Them" has the best hospitals, the best labs,

and "them" is gonna pay us a very big, giant amount of money.

I swear to God that when I think about the money, I get teary.

- Look at me. - Those are real tears in his eyes.

So Saturday we're sitting down with the Calnet people. I'm very excited about it.

Hey, wait. Whoa. Saturday morning? I'm supposed to take my family to the country.

Well, don't.

You see? It's happening already.

- What? - You're being forced to neglect your family.

Gene, relax. No such thing.

- Mrs. O'Brien? - Yes.

How are you? Is your tummy still...?

Saturday morning, guys. Gene, no tank tops, please.

- Mrs. Parkus. - Yes, Doctor?

- Mrs. Parkus. Have you eaten shellfish again? - Just soft-shell crab.

- And what's the middle word? - Shell.

Rodney's lost. He's not in his cage.

Y'all get goin'. I'll find your hamster.

- He's a guinea pig. - Whatever. It's a rodent. I'll find the rodent.

Hey, Nutmeg, let's go.

You better wipe that look off your face.

That's better.

- She's turnin' into a wiseass. - She's turning into you.

You know, there's more to this HMO deal than money. You sell, they own you.

This will be good for us.

I am so tired of that rap. It's always for us. But sometimes I don't know who "us" is.

What do you mean? Us is us. Me and you and Maya and Charisse.

Lisa, the more money you have, the more time you can spend with your family.

Meanwhile you'll just have to make do with this fancy sports car you always wanted.

- Right here. Beautiful. - Oh, my God, John. You didn't!

No, I didn't. But I saw how fluttery you got, so don't tell me you don't care about money.

- "John, you didn't!" - That's not funny.

So, Daddy, you have to find Rodney.

- I'll put down some of that sticky paper. - No, don't.

Don't worry. You peel him right off it and he'll live.

Tell you what. I will turn the house upside down and I will find Rodney for you. Yes?

- And call me if my egg starts to hatch. - I will call you if your egg starts to hatch.

Ma!

Let's go. Let's go.

Get in there. And you stay in there.

Dolittle.

Mrs. Parkus, do you have a death wish?

But I took it out of the shell.

- Can I talk to you for a minute? - Sure.

- You couldn't tell what it was without me? - I knew what it was.

She was frightened. She wanted her doctor.

- It's a beautiful thing. - That's a beautiful thing?

- How old are you? - 26.

You spend all your time here, right? Probably grab your naps curled up in the break room.

Occasional nooky with one of the interns in the closet.

I have a real life. And I'd appreciate it if you only called me when it was a real emergency.

If a patient comes in carrying his own head, call me.

Somebody has a bicycle up their ass, call me. Understand?

Yeah, I understand. So, you want me to give her the injection?

I would not be a smartass right now if I was you.

Making little smart statements to me at two o'clock in the morning after I came...

Is there something wrong, Doctor?

No, Mrs. Parkus.

There we go.

- OK. - Thank you.

You're welcome.

Watch where you're goin' next time, bonehead.

Let me start by saying thank you very much for giving up part of your weekend.

We just want to make sure we can answer any and all of your questions.

We want you to be comfortable with what we're proposing.

And, speaking of which, that explains the details of the buyout.

The information you're probably most interested in is on page four.

Wow, four million dollars. That's pretty comfortable.

- I'm comfortable. You comfortable, Geno? - I have some questions.

- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

Are we gonna have to cut back on our staff?

Yes. Unfortunately, we'll have to make some cuts.

Bread?

No, thank you.

- "No, thank you"? - Yeah. You offered me some bread.

- I don't want any, thanks. - So you have no problem with staff cuts?

- You gonna share that bread? - You just said you didn't want any.

- What is it, some kind of joke? - Absolutely not.

- Bagel chips! - Back off or you'll find your nuts in a tree.

Where's the love?

So, John, do you have a problem with that or not? John?

- Watch your head. - That's enough meeting for me. I gotta go.

This was a great meeting. Very productive.

Wonderful meeting. See you guys on Monday.

I'll talk to you later. 'Scuse me.

Johnny's been on call all night, Mr. Calloway. He's very excited.

You gotta move it.

I said let's go. You can't park here.

Oh, jeez. Thanks, man. OK, I'm movin' it. Thank you.

This is ridiculous.

Boy, we got some fresh air here.

That's the thing about the city. You don't realise it...

- Whoa. - Whoa.

I should've put on my seat belt.

Easy now. Easy now. Slow your butt down! Whoa.

Jeez, Louise! That didn't seem too safe.

My back hurt.

This is a dream. I'm dreaming right now.

Hold it. Stop. You're talkin' and I understand you.

Those guys in my dorm told me that stuff was safe. 15 years later, this starts happenin'.

Let's chill. Let's just chill.

I'm not gonna chill. You gonna chill.

- Are you switchin' sides? - All right, you. Come on.

- Hey, I can't drive. - Out. Let's go.

- Need some help? - No. We're fine.

- I'm just stretchin' my legs. - Ask her if she's got any lettuce.

- Shut your little furry mouth right now. - Are you sure you're OK?

Yeah. I'm fine.

- That's good. - Thank you. Thank you so much.

- Goodbye. - Now what?

Monster!

- Hey, what are you doin'? - Leave me alone.

- What are you, nuts? I'll roast. - Stay away or I'll kill you.

Don't leave me out here. It's hot. Hey, what kind of doc are you?

Hey, doc. This is cruel to animals.

Come on. I'm your friend.

I'm your buddy.

Reverse.

That's it. Back up. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't run over the cage now.

Man, you scared the crap outta me. See? There it is.

Shut up. Shut up right now.

Say one more word and I'll leave you here in the road. Understand?

OK, OK, OK.

Stop. Slow down.

Shut up. I can hear you up there. Shut up.

I'm gettin' whisker-whipped up here.

One more word and I'm gonna pull over, let you out your cage and leave you in the wild.