Last Man Standing

It is great to have you back in the house these next few months, Evie.

Yeah, well, I'm going to the Air Force Academy.

I can't have Ryan's pacifist nonsense in my head.

I mean, I like people, too,

but sometimes you just got to drop bombs on them, you know?

Ah, kids, they grow violent so fast.

Come on.

Just breathe through it, for the love of God.

Put it down. Here we go.

Last time we moved you in here, it was a much lighter load, if you remember.

It was a diaper.

That's not embarrassing at all in front of my boyfriend, Dad.

- Rest break? - Rest break?

I know you're young, but maybe you want to get oxygen tanks

and get them in a cute little backpack.

Honey.

Come on, leave him alone.

This is heavy, and Rob is so... trim.

I'm gonna take things to your room.

In his defense, that was a lamp and a shade.

We get done with this early, hit a bucket of balls

or go by the store and use the gun range.

Yeah, that sounds great.

Rob's gonna need a nap anyway.

He's had a big day.

- I like having her back here. - Yeah.

You know, I know Eve's your little buddy,

but I want to get some time with her, too.

You already had that extra nine months.

Come on, these are the last few months she's gonna be in the house, so share.

I get it.

You don't want your faint glow dwarfed by my blinding radiance.

Or you could just say, "Sure, sweetheart."

I bet husbands all over the country say that.

I got it!

I'll sacrifice. You have your way.

She's all yours.

Rob broke the lamp.

I thought she was gonna say Rob broke his hip.

Oh! Hey, Ed! Hi!

Well, look at you!

To what do I owe this pleasure, my dear?

Uh, well, I just came by to grab lunch with Mike.

Uh, do you... uh, do you want to join us?

Oh, well, I ...I'd love to,

but I have scheduled a very important lunchtime nap.

You know?

I... I can't move that, you know.

Oh, yeah, right. I bet.

I... I understand Eve's back in the house.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I... I am gonna grab mom time with her if I have to tie her to a chair.

You know, because I love her.

Oh.

Connect before she leaves the house, because believe me, I know, eh.

Taking your middle-aged daughter to lunch

at the American Girl cafe just gets weird.

- Thanks. - Thanks, Dad.

I'm not gonna worry about it. It's not a big deal.

Good.

Uh, what... what aren't you gonna worry about? What's not a big deal?

- It's not a big deal, so who cares? - Well, I do...

the mom, open 24 hours a day, no deal too big, no deal to small.

Rob's parents are having an anniversary party...

Oh! ...and he didn't invite me to go.

It's no biggie.

There you go.

Well, it... it could be.

I mean, did you talk to Rob about it?

No, I talked to Dad, but he had a good take on the situation.

Oh, yeah? Let me guess... ignore it.

It's good advice.

It also works well for panhandlers and most medical situations.

Like Dad says, if there's a problem, it'll surface eventually like...

like a dead body floating up in a lake.

That's good advice... solid and also... quite colorful.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Honey, honey, um, why didn't Rob ask you?

I mean, don't... don't you think that's kind of odd?

Well, to find out, I'd have to go back and ask Rob.

With Dad's thing, I'm already done.

Well, there you go. See you later.

Thanks for the help.

Uh, honey, I know you love that Eve listens to you,

but in this case, your advice might not be the best.

I'm not sure where you're going with this,

but on the surface, it sounds wrong.

Well, I mean, he's met her parents a bunch of times.

Why doesn't he want her to meet his?

There's no evidence of any trouble here.

Why are we looking for a problem?

I know, I know.

If there's a dead body, it'll float up.

You see how that sticks with you?

It's a really good analogy for a lot of stuff.

What if there's more to this?

You know, what... what if he's got a secret girlfriend or something?

I mean, did... did you ever think of that?

I could talk to Josh. He could call Anne.

And Anne could talk to Rob and see if he just "like" likes her

or does he like her?

Oh, stop.

I mean, I'm not trying to gossip.

I just... I don't want my daughter to get hurt.

You know, that's what Josh told me you'd say.

Listen, let's go eat.

We can talk more about this after homeroom.

Yes!

Okay.

- The category is "History." - Okay.

The last link in the Transcontinental Railroad was completed in what state?

Mm, okay.

- Well, there are at least 50 states. - Right, yeah.

Um, uh, okay.

Uh, Florida, Texas, Mexico...

Uh, let me see.

- Uh, Oregon, uh, Massachusetts. - Oh, yeah.

Oh! Massachusetts sounds like a train.

Massachusetts, Massachusetts,

Massachusetts, Massachusetts. Massachusetts, Massachusetts,

Massachusetts! Whoo-whoo!

All right... final answer, Massachusetts!

No.

The answer is actually Utah.

Utah. Utah.

You know what?

I still think Massachusetts was a great answer, babe!

So much fun to say.

Okay, all right, babe.

Let's show them how it's done, seeing as they've shown us how it's not done.

All right.

"Literature"...

Uh, "What Monterey factory worker turned author..."

John Steinbeck. John Steinbeck.

Nope. The answer is "Platinum."

No, that's...

Oh, wait. No, I'm looking at the wrong one.

Yeah, you win!

Yeah!

Whoo, whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo!

Whoo, whoo...

Wait, wait, what, what... why are you guys so happy?

Uh, doy! We came in second!

Okay. Oh, shoot.

What? Rick and Debbie can't make it tomorrow night.

Their stupid cat died.

What's tomorrow night?

Oh, uh, we reserved an escape room.

You know, it's one of those places

where you have an hour to find the clues they've hidden to help you escape.

Can you scream for help?

No.

It's a puzzle that requires a lot of careful thought and planning. Yeah.

Mm. Say no more. We're in!

What? Uh, no, no, no.

It... uh, no.

It's just that it's... uh, it's pretty difficult.

So... Yeah, so is trivia.

Hello?

Yeah, I... I really don't think you guys are gonna like it.

And also, we reserved the most difficult one.

- It's the Cold War room, so... - Oh, yeah.

Oh, we get it.

We'll bring sweaters.

Hey, baby.

Hey, hey, come here. Shh. Shh. Shh.

I've got work to do.

Listen, no, no. Come here. Come here.

Eve is in the kitchen alone.

And ...Oh!

Find Colonel Mustard and the candlestick.

We could solve this.

Look, hear me out. Oh, come on. Ugh.

Rob is Eve's first serious relationship, okay?

She might not have the experience to know what might be a red flag.

And he doesn't have the upper-body strength to wave one, so...

- Hang on. Wait. - What?

Don't you think there might be something more going on here?

Look, I... I just think we need more information.

I ...- But if ask Eve, she'll think I'm gossiping.

So...

That's what Josh said you'd say.

Honey, just go...

just go talk to her for one minute.

Just... All right, all right.

I will talk to her because I love you and I adore our daughter,

and I'm just a little bit hungry.

All right.

Ah, yummy yum. Sandwiches.

Help yourself.

To food I bought... what a great idea!

So, how'd it go with Mom yesterday?

What do you mean?

You know, in your office, after I left... that bloodhound was on the hunt

for some information about me and Rob.

That's... that's strange.

I... I didn't notice.

I mean, I know she's curious, but sometimes she just gets too intense.

Like, there's all this eye contact.

It's like the whole time I'm thinking, "Blink, woman!"