Choke

- This day wasn't particularly a good one for him.

He was 10 minutes late for the train,

and as a result, he had to take the next one

that left an hour later.

The schedule that he had meticulously planned for the day

fell to the wayside, but it didn't matter to him.

He knew that if he had to live his life

by times and rhythms, that he could never achieve

what it was that he wanted.

At least, not in any satisfactory way

that he could wake up the next day

and felt that he had achieved enough to move on.

He nevertheless had achieved what he had wanted that day,

and felt that he could take a breath and sit.

Tomorrow was another day, and the dread of

and responsibilities of tomorrow

would keep him up this night.

This day was very different for him.

He vowed every night that he would change his ways.

He told himself this every night,

and truly believed that he could change.

Yes, he wanted to change, he wanted to be different.

You like that, don't you?

Love those old-fashioned tape machines.

We don't sell much of those anymore.

I gotta be honest with you, you know,

it's all landfill now, those old tape machines.

My baby.

- The other advantage is jerkin' off to porn,

you know the digital stuff runs a little fast.

I've still got my old VHS stash to jerk off to. (laughs)

You interested?

Yeah, yeah, I'll take it.

Cool, 150 bucks.

But the impulse was too strong

that it overtook him.

Once he had crossed that line, there was no going back.

He had done this before, but day 11 was different.

Day 11 was significant

because he had felt something for her, something genuine.

He remembered how he first met her.

This was the decision that would change his life forever.

That's an old one, isn't it?

Yeah.

(laughs) That's tape, right?

You know, like Betamax or VHS?

Yeah.

- My dad has stacks and decks sitting in his closet.

Hasn't used it in many years.

He has a lotta cool stuff.

I used to see his tapes scattered on the floor.

You still close to your dad?

Yeah.

Yeah, he's saved me a lotta times.

No!

No!

Saved?

You know.

How old are you?

17.

Well, I don't mean he saved me like Jesus.

I just mean that when I fell down during times,

you know, like difficult times in the past?

But you're only 17.

And?

Well.

My father's been the only one I can look up to.

He has saved me, he has rescued me.

I have no faith in anyone else.

My friends are all backstabbers.

So you don't have real friends?

Real?

No.

Nobody you can count on then?

I give too much,

and they let me down.

How does that make you feel?

- How would you feel if your bestie fucked your BF

and didn't give a shit about you?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Now, a friend is someone you can just confess things to.

Like, I can say I want to kill my mom,

or fuck my brother, and that's that.

It's like I can't say anything to anyone anymore,

and I don't even have any feelings.

My friends reject me because I don't go to church.

Sometimes I wish I could just

fly away.

Brandon knew he had found her.

I beg you.

Why are you doing this?

No, don't do that.

Please. (screaming)

Stop!

Your dad, he isn't doing too well.

You spoke to him?

He called from Memphis.

I guess all that drinking and binging finally got to him,

the bastard.

He needs dialysis.

That's the least of it.

He asked about you.

He hopes you find something to do,

something on your own,

without me enabling you.

He says you're a failure,

and you need to accept that.

And do something.

Hey, you.

Hey.

So my mom,

she's such a fucking bitch, you know?

It's just this disconnection.

I don't think she understands anything anymore.

I'm doing the best I can, you know?

Yeah.

I don't have any friends.

I just need

someone to talk to some time.

I don't have anyone.

Yeah, I know.

- Yeah, I don't think Mom wants me to finish school at all.

I don't think she wants me to stay here.

Dressed like as a fucking whore, (mumbles) all her life.

I don't know what she sees in those track guys.

Track guys?

- You know, the guys that run in their shorts

for miles and miles.

I don't really know the point of it anyway,

to run all those miles and wear off your body like that,

yeah, only to say you're the winner.

Like, what is winning anyway?

I won, well, I sorta won the spelling bee one year.

I was second place.

They gave me a plaque.

I don't even know where it is anymore.

Mom wasn't really proud of it.

She said the judges cheated and that Chinese girl

from Monrovia should have won.

She didn't like that I had won.

Hmm.

Jesse's texting me now, wants to know where I am.

Wanna be at that star there.

That star

is the furthest one away.

Mm-mm.

That's the closest one.

Furthest one is the big one right there.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

Huh.

- I mean, why be far away when you can be close by, right?

Kinda skip everything, you know?

What do you mean?

Like, I can't escape from my shitty parents?

Off me!

Anyway.

We'll all die.

Die?

We just all die.

You know, like really die?