American Dad!

Synchro: mpm

Yeah, I killed my college roommate.

I can't believe you didn't know that.

I stabbed her.

Sorry I'm late, gang. Play rehearsal went long.

We just found out Raisin in the Sun has an all-black cast,

so we're sort of scrambling.

I had to swing by Home Depot for a bag of charcoal.

- Oh, I'm sure it'll be great. - Yeah, when can we see it?

You will not be attending this abortion.

The director's an idiot, the lead can barely speak English,

and the second lead is 30 pounds overweight.

I'm the second lead, and I'm starving.

A calzone for Kirk Douglas here.

Now, I have an announcement.

New cell phones!

Heads up, spaceman.

I get a phone?

You're putting me on your family plan?

Roger, what Dad's trying to say is that you're a Smith.

We couldn't start a new family plan without you.

Steve's right. Steve also needs to learn

how to keep his trap shut and let me finish my own moment.

You defiled my moment, son. Right in front of my wife.

Sorry, Dad, I'm just really happy for Roger.

That's sweet of you to say, Scottie.

That's my nickname for you!

I chose it 'cause Scottie is your favorite Star Trek character.

What he does isn't glamorous, but he keeps the Enterprise running.

The snack cakes are ready. Family Game Night can start.

Prepare yourselves, people.

The concert of the century is upon us!

Behold!

Fabulous Thunderbirds, bitches!

I remember the Thunderbirds.

Didn't Stevie Ray Vaughan play with them for a while?

Better. Stevie Ray Vaughan's older brother, Jimmie.

You guys are so stoked!

- But we never said we wanted to see... - Look, I got us killer seats.

Dead center in the loge. Only $17.50 each.

$17.50 per person?

I know. Can you believe it?!

I'm not charging you the Ticketmaster fee.

I'm eating that.

Along with a big, fat, pot brownie.

I am gonna freak the hell out, man!

Full moon tonight.

Roger, there you are. You're late for Family Game Night.

- Sorry guys, I have to miss Game Night. - What?!

Yeah, the director called a last-second dress rehearsal.

- Can't you skip it? - I wish.

The production's a mess and it opens tomorrow.

Guess my practical joke of sneaking in and trashing the stage last night

didn't really bond the cast like I was hoping it would.

Be home at 10:00.

Let's go see Roger's play tomorrow.

I know he said not to, but we should support him

as a member of the family.

Hands, please.

Dear Lord, please, bless these dice

and my little wheelbarrow.

And please, Lord, give me the strength

to resist the temptation to buy the railroads.

Okay, let's do this.

Five! One, two, three, four... Reading Railroad. I'll buy it!

All right, here's the theater.

Remember, we're gonna sit in the back so we don't make Roger nervous.

I hope there's male nudity.

See a package. A stranger's package.

The theater's closed.

Excuse me, sir. Is there some kind of play going on tonight?

Not likely.

This building's been closed almost two years now.

Really?

How come you're still sweeping up then?

I love to sweep. It's my passion.

Simple to learn, impossible to master.

Just like making love.

Would you like me to tell you how a broom's like a phallus?

- Maybe next time. - It'll only take a second.

They have the same basic shape!

Don't leave me!

- That's so bizarre. - I know.

Why would Roger lie to us about being in a play?

Hey, that's Roger's cell phone.

It's a text message from someone named Christie.

She says she's running late and will be at Pizza Overlord in 30 mn.

Wait, Roger's not in a play.

He's got a girlfriend!

- Why wouldn't he just tell us? - Maybe he's embarrassed of her.

Oh, God, she's probably hideous.

I bet she's huge.

Well, even if she is, Roger doesn't need to hide her from us.

We should go to Pizza Overlord

and introduce ourselves to Roger's new girlfriend.

- What a great idea! - Why not?!

Anyone else kind of hoping she's a midget?

Well, now that you've put the image in my head, yes.

But not the Verne Troyer kind.

That's too midgety.

Now remember, Roger's part of the family.

So if his girlfriend is a midget,

we shouldn't make fun of her to her face.

We'll go to the bathroom in pairs and laugh it out in there.

Let's partner up. Me and Hayley versus you two.

Oh, my God!

Roger's not seeing a girl behind our back.

He's seeing another family!

I love doing "breadstick walrus" for ya, Scottie.

You and I, we get each other.

He's cheating on us!

Family photo!

In three, two...

I can't believe Roger is seeing another family behind our back.

Why would he do that? I mean, are we not enough for him?

Obviously not!

I feel so stupid.

My women's intuition picked up on this

five days ago and I mistook it for ghosts.

That son of a bitch!

"Scottie's your nickname.

"He's your favorite Star Trek character."

Stan, you didn't say one single word on the way home.

- Doesn't this bother you? - Bother me?

Why would it bother me? I'm just looking through

the mail acting super-regular.

He called me by the other boy's name!

Who wants pizza?!

I wish you guys hadn't left the restaurant so fast.

I wanted to introduce you to the actors from my play.

- That's who I was sitting with. - Actors?

Then why were you taking a family photo with them?

Oh, that?

Family of actors, Hayley. Family of actors.

Have you never heard of the Barrymores, the Baldwins, the Olsens, the Fondas,

the Estevez-slash-Sheens, the Gabors, the Redgraves,

the Beatty-MacLaines, the Arquettes?

The Quaids, the Batemans, the Culkins, the Cusacks, the Afflecks...

the Wayans, the Douglases, the Bridges, the Dillons...

the Zimbalists.

- Okay, I cheated on you. - You broke my heart!

Steve, that was your Grandma's.

Steve, I'm sorry. I made a mistake.

Look, those people you saw me with,

I met them a couple of weeks ago at a street fair in Little Eritrea.

I was buying the jersey of my favorite Eritrean soccer player,

Debesai Ghierghis Ogbazghi, when a family approached me.

Mr. Johnson explained that Ogbazghi was also his son's favorite player.

We then traded a few hilarious stories about Eritrean soccer.

They asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime,

and I stupidly said yes.

Sheesh.

I'm sorry! I was an idiot, okay?

It was a moment of weakness, and it'll never happen again.

- Can you forgive me? - Roger, I think we need some time.

Yes, of course. I understand.

- Without you. - Yes, of course.

I'm sorry, but you've hurt us, and we can't see you right now.

My foot! I'm bleeding!

It stopped.

Hey, that reminds me, I'm gonna need my breakfast to go.

Just "wrap it up. I'll take it."

- What? - "Wrap It Up. I'll Take It."

The Fabulous Thunderbirds.

It's one of their two mind-blowing hits.

"Oh" is right, baby!

BTW, I haven't gotten ticket money from any of you,

which is cool. I know you're good for it.

I just wanted to use it to buy some brats to tailgate.

I'm not charging you for that either; that's my pleasure.

I only have one question, though.

Are you... "Tuff Enuff"?

Is that another song?

This guy gets it!

Look what I found. Another gift from Roger.

A cheap heart-shaped box of chocolates.

That'll fit right where my heart used to be!

I wonder if he's still outside.

Go back to your whore family!

Come on. Let's go to another room.

Anybody seen that billboard for the local news?

I'm supposed to believe that this town's best reporters

happen to be from five different races?!

How did you get in? We changed the locks.

I followed you into the market, and when you weren't looking,

I took your keys and replaced them with yogurt.

Yogurt? How the hell?

I guess we all figured you'd be with Scottie.

How is he, by the way? Has he been worrying about whether having boners

at night means he's gay? Because I have.

I haven't seen him, Steve.

And now I'd like to read selections from my letter of apology.

"Dear Family,

"I'm deeply sorry,

I've had no further contact with the Johnsons, blah."

Here's the part I think will get you:

"Without you, I'm a butterfly

"who can't find the breeze to carry it".

God, I thought that was too much, but now that I hear it, it's just right.

I can't hold it in anymore!