LA to Vegas

All right, let the heathens board.

Maybe you should check that compartment first.

Happy birthday...

You know I can't eat your supermarket trash.

I need to keep it tight for my party tonight.

This is a milestone birthday for me.

Right, because you're turning thi... or... xty.

People much smarter than you have tried to figure out

how old I am, and they have all failed.

Relax. Your parties are always incredible.

They get better and better every year.

You think that's by accident? It takes work.

You just don't throw together an avant-garde

Bible-themed "Fashion of the Christ" costume party.

Speaking of which, what's the costume?

Well, I was thinking of being a sexy Rachel from Laban,

Genesis 29:16. It's a deep cut.

No deep cuts! Stick to the hits.

Hey there, team. Enough chitchat, Bernie,

let's get to work... Two choices.

I've got sexy Nebuchadnezzar, or sexy Goliath.

I'm leaning towards Goliath because it shows off my thighs,

and they're my second-best feature.

Meaty but lean, like a fine turkey chili.

- Goliath will be fine. - Yes!

There was no trash in there.

It was a clean bag.

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

Marcia Gimble is arguing the commons

doesn't need a car-charging station.

Honey, sit up straight.

- Good afternoon. - Hi. I'm Nichole.

We've never met before. I'm on my way to Las Vegas

for the very first time because my mother

surprised me with backstage passes to Celine Dion.

She's very well-connected because she's the deputy mayor

of Calabasas, and frowns upon almost everything.

It's nice to meet you.

You as well.

She was the normal one.

Are you tired

of the same old restaurant experience?

Then do what I do and head down to Broth,

Vegas' finest new eatery, where everything's soup,

including you, because the dining room's

a Jacuzzi.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Is Bernard all right?

I just wished him a happy birthday,

and he said, "Why can't people just say

'Merry Christmas' anymore?"

Yeah, he's distracted today.

He's just a little wound up about his party.

Bernard can get wound?

Ah, I've only ever seen him be like...

You know what, that's probably not an impression

I should be trying.

He just gets so worked up

trying to top himself every year.

Honestly, he probably shouldn't even be working today.

Oh, excuse me, I'm a very nervous flier.

Congratulations.

So, you're coming tonight, right?

No, no, I'm still going through

this divorce nonsense.

Meghan is determined make the whole thing

as ugly as possible.

I mean, I married a magician's assistant,

and now she's making all my possessions disappear.

Well, that's exactly why you should come.

It'll take your mind off of it.

We'll drink, we'll take pictures.

I will help you pretend you're happy.

The best revenge is an act of social media.

Right now, I am just using it to follow majestic boats

and this adorable Corgi.

Oh, my God, he died?

Piper.

So, party then?

Yes. It's what Piper would have wanted.

He loved parties.

So, how are classes going this semester?

They're good. Actually, I have a friend

who got me interested in econ.

so I'm thinking about...

Oh, sorry. Hold that thought.

Gotta go use the little deputy mayor's room.

So, let me guess.

Your mother surprised you with the trip,

but she doesn't know you're a stripper,

always take this flight.

What a big pickle you have become.

- How did you know? - Well, I have seven senses.

I can detect lies and ghosts.

I want to tell my mom the truth,

but she just wouldn't understand.

She's an old-school feminist.

I wasn't allowed to wear dresses growing up

because, quote, "Mary Tyler Moore fought hard

for our right to wear pants, and we have to honor that."

I understand your hesitance.

Now, if there's anything I can do

to make your first visit to Las Vegas

more enjoyable, just let me know.

Hello, I'm her mother.

Oh, I thought you were younger sister.

Cute. We're good. Thank you.

I tell you, Alan, I cannot wait for Bernard's party.

This is the tush event of the season.

Ooh, think you'll do another late night

pawn shop engagement-ring run?

No, I'm out of the relationship game for good.

I already have my one true love,

and that's the sky.

That's right, this bee ain't looking for a queen.

Tonight, he's all about the honey.

T... The party's tonight?

But it's my bowling championship.

You promised that if I advanced, you would come.

Well, you advanced... and hopefully I will.

No, I'm not gonna report it.

I'm just saying it was a gross joke.

I'm sorry, Alan.

Excuse me, I need to speak to somebody about this flight.

Hi. Captain Dave.

Go ahead and mainline that praise right to me.

Oh, the praise, for the lack of storage space,

or the uncomfortable seats,

or the white-knuckle landing?

I mean, the autopilot could have done a better job.

Maybe, but let's see the autopilot

take break dancing classes at the "Y."

This is a terrible airline.

I'll have you know that Jackpot is ranked number one

in completed customer surveys.

We're first-class all the way.

Just ask Nichole.

How do you know Nichole?

- She's one of my regulars. - One of your...

What is he talking about?

Um...

Okay, Mom,

I haven't been totally honest with you.

The truth is,

Captain Dave knows me because...

...he's my boyfriend.

If I look surprised, it's because I didn't think

we were using labels yet.

- This man is your boyfriend? - Yep!

It's only been a few weeks.

We were nervous to tell you, for obvious reasons

- because he's so, so old. - It's still very early.

Very early.

It's just, I'm... It's so unexpected.

I just don't... I don't know what to say.

Well, why don't you think about it while you get your bag?

I don't like to be squeezed.

Look, she doesn't know I'm a stripper.

Jut pretend to be my boyfriend for five minutes.

It'll be the fastest relationship of your life.

No, it won't.

Hey, Mom, well, I'm glad you two got to meet.

- We should probably get going. - Oh, no, hold on a second.

I just met your boyfriend, I'd like to get to know him better.

Would you like to join us for dinner, Dave?

Oh, he can't, he has a coworker's birthday party.

Oh, sounds fun. We'll tag along.

It's a Bible thing... We'd have to have a costume.

Nichole, I'm your mother.

If I want to get to know your boyfriend better

and dress up like Jesus of Nazareth,

that's what we're doing.

Your mother is terrifying.

Yeah. Well, you don't get to the top of the middle

of local politics without busting a few balls.

Mm.

_

Wow.

For my birthday, I usually just go to a hotel room

so I can read in a different bed.

Hey, Bernard, this party's incredible.

Halt!

Don't mock me.

If it were truly incredible,

you would be speechless.

This party is still severely lacking. Just look.

The magician is turning the water into merlot

instead of rosé.

We need one more big spectacle

to put this birthday over the top.

And I'm going to find it.

Storm me off.

I said storm!

I'm not sure how I feel about Birthday Bernard.

Hey, look.

Ronnie came dressed like Mary.

Joseph and Mary, right?

You were meant to be.

I think that Ronnie-Colin ship has sailed.

the Earth is round,