South Park

Episode 11x13 "Guitar Queer-O"

I'm going out to South Park gonna have myself a time

Friendly faces everywhere humble folks without temptation

I'm goin out to south park gonna leave my woes behind

Ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor

I'm heading out to south park to see if i cant unwind

I like girls with big fat titties really big fat titties

So come on out to south park and meet some friends of mine

Stan, you guys are good!

Sharon, what are the boys doing?

Oh, Stan and Kyle bought a new video game together.

They can play guitar now? - No, they're just little plastic controllers.

You hit the colored buttons and it makes the guitar track on the game play.

If they spent half the time learning a real instrument as they do playing that game,

who knows what they could accomplish. - Hey yeah.

Dude, listen to that video crowd! They love us!

So you boys like this music, huh? - Yeah, dude. It's Guitar Hero.

Stan and Kyle are really good at it.

Well you kids wanna see something really cool? Check this out.

Once, I rose above the noise and confusion.

Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion.

I was soaring ever higher

but I flew too high.

Though my eyes could see I- - Dad? Dad! What are you doing?!

I can actually play a lot of these songs on a real guitar.

You want me to teach you boys how?

That's gay, Mr. Marsh. - Yeah, that's stupid, Dad.

But this is real. - Real guitars are for old people.

Do you mind, sir? We wanna watch Stan and Kyle play.

Alright, let's try to score 60,000 points this time.

Are you ready to rock?

Carry on my wayward son

There'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more

Game over! You suck!

They're gonna do it!

Come on, guys, a hundred thousand points!

Cartman, shut up. We're concentrating.

You have broken a hundred thousand points!

You are rock stars!

Dude, we are total rock stars now!

You're not rock stars! This is just a stupid plastic controller!

Hang on.

Stan Marsh? - Yeah?

I'm Charles Kincaid, from the Kincaid Talent Agency?

I just heard you broke a hundred thousand points on Guitar Hero.

Yeah, we did. - Well, I'm impressed.

And I'd like to be your manager. - Wow, really?

Dude! Dude, Kyle, this guy wants to be our manager!

No way! - For reals?

Scoring a hundred thousand points is amazing, but I think with the right label behind you,

you boys could make a million points. - That'd be awesome!

So, we're in business then?

Well, what do you think? - I like it. That's these boys playing?

No, that's Kansas.

But these boys scored a hundred thousand points to it on Expert Level in Co-op Mode.

That's pretty Goddamned impressive.

Alright, we'll sign them to a one-year deal. - Yes! You did it, boys.

Listen, boys, I'm having a huge celebrity party at my giant mansion tonight.

Why don't you come by as my honorary new artists?

Cool!

Wow, this is a huge party.

Oh yes, all the biggest stars in Colorado are here.

Dude, dude, that's Ron Zappolo from Channel 4 News!

Wow! Oh, and look over there, that's that Jake Jabs guy

from American Furniture Warehouse commercials.

Everyone? Everyone, this is Stan and Kyle.

They just broke a hundred thousand points on Guitar Hero.

Please enjoy yourselves, there's lots more coke and sex in the house.

Dude! Dude, that's Jay Cutler over there! Quarterback for the Denver Broncos!

Oh my God! - Would you boys like to meet him?

Are you serious?

Jay, I want you to meet Stan and Kyle. They broke a hundred thousand points on Guitar Hero.

Wow, really? Nice to meet you guys. - Nice to meet you!

I mean, you kind of suck, but my dad says you might be good someday.

Thanks.

Alex, have you seen my wife anywhere?

You boys know Tom Shane from the Shane Company Diamond Store commercials?

Do we? He's a legend!

You remember these boys, Tom.

They're gonna break a million points live at the video arcade in a few weeks.

That, would be impressive.

Dude, we've arrived. We're super, awesome and cool.

Yeah. Life is finally going to not suck so hard for us.

You Rock!

All right, nice rehearsal, boys.

Dude, I totally miffed that middle part. Did you see that?

Yeah dude, that's almost impossible. - That was real cool, kids.

Hey, Kyle, there's a different controller in my car that might work better for you.

Why don't you go with Jim and he'll help you find it.

Oh, okay. Cool.

You've got real potential, kid. I have no doubt you can break a million.

Really? That'd be sweet. - I think you could.

But as for your friend, well, to be honest, I think he's holding you back.

What, you mean, Kyle?

Look, you score a lot higher than him. There's no question who the better one is.

I wanna put you with some other players,

find a partner for you who can really help you max your score.

But, Kyle and I always play together. We both chipped in for the game system.

Very honorable. But you know where loyalty gets you in a game like Guitar Hero?

Nowheres. Just listen to that video crowd.

I haven't heard a video crowd go that wild in a long time.

You've got a chance to score a million points,

and I hate to see you throw it away because you're worried about your friend's feelings.

You're gonna love this kid, Stan. He's one of the best Guitar Hero players I've ever seen.

Except for you, of course.

Ah, Thad!

Stan Marsh, this is Thad Jarvis. - Sup?

Thad here has backed up a lot of really great Guitar Hero players. Isn't that right, Thad?

Yup.

He doesn't even need a game system to play on. He can play Guitar Hero acoustically.

Yeah, but can he play Buckethead on Expert Level?

Go ahead, Thad. Show him what you can do.

Check this out.

Pretty damn good, huh?

Yeah, that's pretty good. But can you play "John the Fisherman"?

Stan, with this kid backing you, you're gonna make Guitar Hero history.

Oh, I love this song.

Wow wee, look at him go!

Hey dude, how'd it-?

Kyle.

I thought you were sick.

Who is this?

This is Thad Jarvis. - Sup?

What's going on, Stan? - Kyle, I was gonna tell you later.

Mr. Kincaid thinks I should play with Thad for a while.

But it's our game. We bought it together.

I know, and, and I wanna be fair about it, so, I'll buy you out of your part.

Buy me out?! What are you saying?!

What makes you so high and mighty you can buy me out?!

Don't put this all on me, Kyle! - Oh my God this is so awesome.

You were the one that's been blowing off playing after midnight,

not playing because you were sick. - I have been sick!

Look, the point is I'm never gonna break a million points playing with you!

You know that's true!

I guess I didn't realize it was just about the points.

Dude, this game rules.

Let's just do this, all right?

Hey! You're the kid I sold the Guitar Hero game to. How are you liking it?

It's okay, I guess. But I need some game guides for it.

My manager and producer set up this live thing at the video arcade

where I'm supposed to break a million in front of everybody and I'm I'm stressing out.

Yeah, Guitar Hero can be pretty stressful.

But you know, maybe instead of a game guide,

you should just buy another game to kind of ease the stress.

Have you ever heard of Heroin Hero? - Heroin Hero?

It's a way easier game.

All you do is run around a magical forest and shoot simulated heroin.