Parks and Recreation

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

- LESLIE KNOPE! - HEY, CHRIS!

WOW, IS THAT A NEW JOGGING SHIRT?

IT IS!

IT'S AN EXPERIMENTAL FABRIC CALLED BUMBLE-FLEX.

IT'S MADE OUT OF SYNTHETIC BEES' WINGS.

- THAT'S COOL. - ANYWAY...

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. YOU'RE SUSPENDED.

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT.

I'M JUST GOING TO, UH, TAKE MY FLASH DRIVE

AND I'LL DO SOME WORK FROM HOME.

N...O.

YOU ARE SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITED FROM DOING YOUR JOB.

OH, I'M NOT GONNA DO MY JOB.

I'M JUST GONNA OVERSEE THE DEPARTMENT, AND CHECK IN

ON THE PARKS, AND ATTEND ANY MEETINGS THAT REQUIRE

THE DEPUTY DIRECTOR. - LESLIE.

GO HOME AND GIVE ME THE FLASH DRIVE.

THIS IS NASAL SPRAY.

GIVE ME THE FLASH DRIVE.

GIVE ME THE NASAL SPRAY.

ON THREE.

ONE...

- TWO... - TWO...

THREE.

- OKAY, GOOD. NOW, IN TWO WEEKS, YOU CAN--

LESLIE KNOPE! I AM MUCH FASTER THAN YOU!

I HAVE BUMBLE-FLEX!

*

- IT'S SO NICE TO BE ABLE TO SIT HERE IN PUBLIC

AND HAVE BREAKFAST WITH YOU. - YEAH.

- IN A WAY, MY SUSPENSION FROM WORK WAS KIND OF A BLESSING.

- YEAH, I FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT RESIGNING IN DISGRACE.

- TOTALLY, THE KEY IS YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOURSELF BUSY,

OR ELSE YOU'RE GONNA GO CRAZY.

I MEAN, LOOK AT ME, LOOK HOW BUSY I AM.

I'M INVENTING A NEW SPICE CALLED "SAL-GAR."

IT'S PART SALT, PART SUGAR.

- WHAT COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE GOOD ON?

- BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING. - FAIR ENOUGH.

- OKAY, I HAVE TO GO TO THIS MEETING WITH MY ADVISORS.

YOU HAVE A BIG DAY, RIGHT? WHICH INTERVIEW IS THIS?

- IT'S A JOB DOING IN-HOUSE ACCOUNTING WORK

FOR AN ACCOUNTING FIRM, SO... COULD BE PRETTY INTERESTING.

YEAH, SOUNDS INTERESTING.

- YOU KNOW, IF I HADN'T RESIGNED IN DISGRACE,

I MIGHT NEVER HAVE EXPLORED THE PRIVATE SECTOR.

IT'S LIKE, WHY DIDN'T I RESIGN IN DISGRACE 12 YEARS AGO?

- YOU MIGHT WANT TO STOP SAYING "RESIGNED IN DISGRACE."

ESPECIALLY DURING JOB INTERVIEWS.

GOOD CALL.

- LESLIE WISHES SHE COULD BE HERE HERSELF

TO GIVE YOU THESE PRESENTS, BUT SHE'S SUSPENDED.

OH, AND ALSO SHE SAID THAT THEY'RE NOT FROM HER,

THEY'RE FROM SANTA CLAUS. - CAN I GO FIRST?

MOUSERAT, CERTIFIED GOLD!

OVER 100 COPIES SOLD IN PAWNEE!

I NEED TO GET A PICTURE OF ME HOLDING THIS SO I CAN FRAME IT.

- PERSONALIZED, LEOPARD-PRINTED ROBE.

PINK FEATHER CUFFS.

AND ON THE BACK, IN RHINESTONES...

"YOU CAN GET IT"!

- I KNOW YOU'RE SAD YOU COULDN'T GET TICKETS

TO THE "WATCH THE THRONE" TOUR, SO I GOT YOU A WATCH

AND A TINY THRONE INSTEAD.

AND CHECK IT OUT, SHE EVEN TOOK OUT THE DUMB CLOCK PART

AND PUT THIS IN...

"BALLER TIME."

THESE ARE THE BLACK-EYED PEAS.

AND I FINALLY KILLED THEM.

IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.

- EVERY YEAR, I GIVE LESLIE THE SAME PRESENT I GIVE EVERYONE:

A CRISP $20 BILL.

AND EVERY YEAR, SHE GETS ME SOMETHING THOUGHTFUL

AND PERSONAL.

IT MAKES ME FURIOUS.

THIS YEAR, SHE OUTDID HERSELF.

SHE HAD IT INSTALLED OVER THE WEEKEND.

IT'S SO--

IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

WE NEED TO GET LESLIE SOMETHING THAT ERASES

THE ENORMOUS EMOTIONAL DEBT THAT HAS BUILT UP OVER YEARS

OF THIS GIFT-GIVING IMBALANCE.

EVERYONE START THINKING OF IDEAS.

AW, JEEZ.

SOCKS.

SHE GETS ME.

- HI, HI, HI, HI. SORRY I'M LATE.

I WAS OFF GETTING HOLIDAY GIFTS FOR MY TEAM.

WILLIAM, HERE IS A KNOPE 2012 TREE ORNAMENT.

- HEY. - AND ELIZABETH,

I GOT YOU A KNOPE 2012... MENORAH...MAYBE?

- NO. - NO, OKAY.

THEN I GOT YOU A TREE ORNAMENT.

OKAY, SO LET'S TALK ABOUT DAMAGE CONTROL.

NOW, I COULD GO ON PAWNEE TODAY, BUT--

AND I KNOW THIS IS A LONG SHOT--

OPRAH HAS HER OWN NETWORK NOW.

- WHOA, LESLIE, SLOW DOWN. - THE FIRST STEP IS FOR US

TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE'RE UP AGAINST,

AND WE'VE ALREADY GOT POLLS OUT IN THE FIELD, AND WE SHOULD

HAVE RESULTS BACK IN A COUPLE OF DAYS.

JUST STAY OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT UNTIL WE CAN FIGURE OUT

JUST HOW THIS, UH, INCIDENT HAS AFFECTED THE VOTERS.

- SIT TIGHT, TAKE A BEAT, RELAX.

- "SIT TIGHT"? "TAKE A BEAT"? "RELAX"?

I DON'T REALLY DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS.

IN FACT, WHILE I WAS IN THAT MEETING,

I WAS ALSO PLANNING MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY PARTY IN MY HEAD.

STRAWBERRY MARGARITAS!

ANOTHER USE FOR SAL-GAR!

- FINANCIAL ANALYSIS, AUTOMATED GENERAL LEDGER

ACCOUNTING SYSTEMS, AUDIT MANAGEMENT.

HMM, YOU'VE DONE EVERYTHING.

- WELL, THEY CALL ME "THE SWISS ARMY ACCOUNTANT."

- THEY DON'T CALL ME THAT. - THEY SHOULD.

WELL, LOOK, I THINK YOU'D BE A GREAT ADDITION.

WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO COME BACK TO MEET THE DIVISION HEAD?

YES, ABSOLUTELY.

- WE'LL SET THAT UP. - OKAY, GREAT.

- THANK YOU. - WELL, UH...

CALC-YOU-LATER.

OH, YOU LIKE THAT ONE, HUH?

WE DO NOT GET A LOT OF HUMOR HERE,

AND WHEN WE DO, IT'S WONDERFUL.

- OH. - TED! COME IN HERE!

SAY IT TO TED WHEN HE COMES IN.

- WE COULD GET LESLIE SOME MARSHMALLOW FLUFF.

I HAVE SOME RIGHT HERE.

- CORRECTION, DARLING. YOU HAD SOME RIGHT HERE.

- DID YOU JUST SCOOP IT OUT OF THE JAR

WITH YOUR HAND LIKE A BEAR? - YES.

I CAN'T GET IT OFF. CAN YOU HELP ME?

BEHOLD!

MY LATEST ATTEMPT TO DRAG THIS DEPARTMENT

INTO THE 20th CENTURY.

- TOM, IT'S THE 21st CENTURY. - I KNOW.

I'D SETTLE FOR GETTING YOU INTO THE 20th.

I FED ALL OF LESLIE'S EMAILS, LETTERS, AND MEMOS

INTO A PROGRAM AND GENERATED...

A WORD CLOUD.

THIS IS HOW WE CAN GET GIFT IDEAS.

THE MORE SHE'S MENTIONED A WORD, THE LARGER IT APPEARS.

- "BEN"... AND MUCH LARGER, "ANN."

SHE DEFINITELY LOVES ANN. - AWW.

- OKAY. I HAVE AN IDEA.

I WILL BUILD A SMALL WOOD MODEL OF THE PARKS DEPARTMENT.

WE CAN DECORATE OUR OFFICES AS THEY ARE IN REAL LIFE.

IT WILL BE...

CUTE. - WAIT!

WE MAKE A GINGERBREAD VERSION OF THE OFFICE.

- THAT'S SO GOOD! - I THINK THE WOOD MODEL IS--

- AND WE CAN DECORATE OUR OFFICES WITH CANDY CANES

AND GUMDROPS!

THAT WOULD BE SO ADORABLE!

- THANKS, RON! THAT'S SUCH A CUTE IDEA!

- I HAVE SOME GREAT RED BIRCH WITH A NICE SPALTING.

I ALREADY HAVE SOME SCALE WAINSCOTING.

MMM, I LOVE ME A CALZONE.

- BEN! I'M GOING CRAZY!

FIRST, THEY WON'T LET ME WORK IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT,

NOW THEY WON'T LET ME CAMPAIGN EITHER.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS IMPROVE OUR TOWN,

AND THEY WON'T LET ME DO THAT!

- YOU'RE PUTTING AN AWFUL LOT OF SAL-GAR ON YOUR PASTA.

- THIS IS JUST SUGAR. OKAY, I NEED YOU TO DISTRACT ME.

TALK TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING. ANYTHING.

- WELL, THAT ACCOUNTING FIRM IS GONNA MAKE ME A JOB OFFER.

- OH, YEAH? THAT'S GREAT!

- YEAH. - ARE YOU GONNA TAKE IT?

WELL, IT PAYS WELL.

THE COMMUTE IS A LITTLE LONG, BUT THAT'S OKAY.

I DIDN'T LOVE THE CARPETING, BUT...EH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

IF YOU DON'T LOVE IT, TAKE A MONTH.

SEE WHAT ELSE IS OUT THERE.

YEAH. YEAH.

AND, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN STILL IMPROVE THE CITY.

YOU CAN'T WORK RIGHT NOW, OR RUN A CAMPAIGN.

DO IT AS A PRIVATE CITIZEN. - OH, MY GOD.

I'LL FORM A CITIZEN ACTION COMMITTEE,

I'LL LOBBY FROM THE OUTSIDE,

I'LL HARNESS THE POWER OF THE COMMUNITY.

OH, MY GOD, I FINALLY HAVE SOME WORK TO DO.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR DINNER, HONEY.

- I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHING, AND, YES, YOU CAN FINISH HER PASTA.

- THANK GOD. I'M SO HUNGRY.

MMM, IT TASTES LIKE FROOT LOOPS.

- WOW! GREAT TURNOUT! OKAY, WELCOME EVERYONE

TO THE FIRST MEETING OF THE PARKS COMMITTEE OF PAWNEE,

OR P.C.P.

- UM, SHOULD WE REALLY BE CALLED "P.C.P"?

SEE, BECAUSE-- - YES, BECAUSE,

LIKE THE DRUG PCP, WE ARE SO FAST-ACTING AND POWERFUL,

WE SHOULD BE ILLEGAL.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE FIXED IN THE PARKS? YES?

- I'VE NOTICED THAT THE WHITE HILLS HIKING PATH

COULD REALLY USE SOME UPKEEP.

I WAS THINKING WE ORGANIZE A LETTER-WRITING CAMPAIGN.

- UH, I-I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT NOBODY IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT