Mystic Britain

This time on "mystic Britain,"

Mary-Ann and I head north

to one of Britain's greatest ancient structures,

Hadrian's wall.

It really is quite big, isn't it?

I meet an impressive Roman...

This soldier here, he represents the might of Rome.

And I find out why the ancient Britons

really hated them.

Do you like beating up Romans?

Yeah, love it.

But was the wall as much about magic as might?

You might have a physical barrier,

but a magical barrier will also help.

Were the Romans and the ancient Britons

actually engaged in a supernatural battle?

Why were these weapons put into the ground?

They were a gift to the gods.

Could Hadrian's wall

be the key to unlocking

one of Britain's greatest battles of mystic beliefs?

The British isles have a very long history.

People have been living here for tens of thousands of years.

And the further back you go,

the more elusive and mysterious

the lives of those ancient Britons appear to be.

Stonehenge. What's the point?

It's a bit like Lego.

Oh.

Who were these ancient Britons?

What did they believe?

What was their world like?

Are you a fan of human sacrifice?

I don't practice it myself.

As a talk show host,

I should know how to ask a good question.

Where are we going to, Mary-Ann?

Clive, we are off on an adventure.

But answers are not really my strong suit.

Mummies or not mummies?

It's a tricky one, isn't it?

So I've roped in

someone with more insight into the ancient world

than I'll ever have...

Anthropologist Mary-Ann Ochota.

Old bones, looking at the past,

you know everything, don't you?

I like to ask a lot of questions about the past.

Together we're going to unlock the mystic secrets

of the ancient Britons.

I've decided to harness the forces of evil.

Prepare to embrace the very odd indeed.

Right. I'm ready for all comers.

The Roman empire,

in its time the all-conquering superpower.

So impressive that nearly 2,000 years later,

its Mark is still stamped across the landscape.

At the start of the first millennium,

the Romans controlled huge swathes of the known world.

But there was still one land they'd never conquered...

Britain.

So emperor Claudius ordered a massive invasion.

There was just one problem.

The Roman soldiers

were absolutely terrified of the Britons.

As far as the Romans were concerned,

this was wild country.

Here be dragons!

Okay, not literal dragons.

But when the Romans decided to invade,

it was all the generals could do

to force the troops across the channel at all.

And there were 40,000 of them.

The problem was,

they were convinced Britain was a land

of savage, naked, magical cannibals

that burnt their enemies alive.

Basically, the most terrifying savages imaginable.

But come on, Mary-Ann, how bad could they actually be?

When the Romans invaded Britain,

they ran up against blue painted locals,

they were handy with a sword, savage,

and, some Romans feared, supernatural.

Are you supernatural?

No.

See? Terrifying.

These painted savages,

or in this case, a heavily armed northern hobbyist called Callum,

were nothing like the Romans.

They dressed in animal skins and were covered in tattoos.

Worst of all, they didn't even have the same gods.

Is that a little boar on the top of your head?

A little piggy?

They have these animal crests on.

They think it could be to capture the spirit

that the warrior wants to personify.

Most iron age British gods were elemental...

Water, earth, fire.

And were tied to physical locations

like bogs, mountains, and streams,

while Roman gods were recognizably human.

So, they found the Brit gods very unsettling.

And when the Romans went up against the locals in battle,

it just got worse.

The Britons turned out to be very skilled at warfare.

Not because they were magic,

but because they'd been beating the crap out of each other

for centuries.

So, when the Romans turned up,

they met battle-hardened warriors

who suddenly had a common enemy...

Them.

Going up against such fearsome warriors

was bad enough for the Romans,

but they also had a sneaking suspicion

that the locals' fighting skills were almost supernatural.

According to the writer Cassius Dio,

the ancient Britons "can endure hunger and cold

and any kind of hardship,

for they plunge into the swamps

and exist there for many days

with only their heads above water.

They prepare a certain kind of food,

the eating of a small portion of which, the size of a bean,

prevents them from feeling either hunger or thirst."

Cassius Dio makes them sound like supernatural ninjas.

But surely a bit of mumbo jumbo couldn't defeat soldiers

of the greatest empire that ever was.

I mean, look at them.

This soldier here, he represents the might of Rome.

Don't you, John?

Do I?

If the Romans thought the ancient Brits were strange,

imagine how the Brits viewed the Romans.

I mean, the Brits were wandering around in leathers and furs

when the Romans were dressed in metal.

This is like looking at a dress

for "strictly come dancing" or something,

where all the sequins have been sewn on.

I wouldn't be wanting to try and dance in this, however.

Is it heavy?

It's about 10 kilos.

Oh, that is heavy.

The Romans were a military machine,

a professional army...

Organized, disciplined,

and armed to the teeth with the latest weapons.

And you've got a sword there. Has that got a special name?

- The gladius. - The gladius.

And it is a short stabbing sword.

Yes, of the sort used by gladiators, I suspect.

It's for sticking into the soft bits, twist,

pull back out.

Okay. Nice and friendly.

I hope you don't get arrested with that,

walking around the streets here.

You've got other things dangling from your belt.

Another knife, if you haven't killed me with that...

If I haven't killed you with that one, I've got this.

That's for stabbing into people as well.

I don't want to meet you on a dark night, I must say.

As scary as John is,

I can't help thinking that I'd make a better Roman.

Can I have a go of this?

Can I try some or all of your equipment on?

So, you'll have to take it off first, I'm afraid.

You're not trying the tunic on, though.

I'm not taking that off.

Okay, once I've got your sword,

you'll have to do what I say, I'm afraid.

Oh, my heavens. Yes.

To the Brits, the Romans must have looked like

an army of metal-clad killing machines.

- Bend forward at the... - Yes.

So, that's the look I'm going for.

I may regret this...

If I ever get it on.

And then come back up.

The cloak.

- Sword on first. - Sword on first.

Schoolboy error.

Okay.

On top.

Alright, that.

Okay, right, I'm ready for all comers.

Is that really

a metal-clad killing machine, Clive?

Once the Romans had got over their nerves

and actually invaded,

they may have expected it to be a cake walk.

After all, they were the greatest army in the world.

And it might have been

if it wasn't for those pesky Brits.

They just kept rebelling...

The south, then the west,

then the north, then the north again.

Frankly, the whole thing was a bit of a mess.

Not that you'd have thought that,

if you'd listened to the Romans.

It's wise, to be honest,