Full Circle

Nope.

I bet she's not coming. I bet she set this whole thing up, huh?

She's not gonna show up,

and I'm gonna wander outside

to about 25 fucking cameras from "TMZ," huh?

You watch.

Yeah, okay. Fine.

I've already given her like an hour.

Actually, over an hour, Stan.

Yeah, I know. I get it.

That's why I am here,

but, you know, she actually has to show up

in order for me to...

Fine.

You know, obviously I didn't think that this was gonna happen.

No.

Right, okay. Right. I'll give her...

I'll give her a few more.

Yeah.

And that one girl, she's here tonight.

The big one with the tats, the one that I...

yes. And she's eyeing me right now,

and I'm just like, "my life is shit". It totally is.

Fuck you, you asshole.

Yeah. Okay. Bye.

You sure you don't want one of these things?

There's supposed to be duck inside,

which is, I don't know, exotic or something.

Unless you're from China, right?

I mean, aren't they famous for, like, Peking duck

and shit like that?

That would be like us eating,

I don't know, twinkies or whatever or...

Doritos.

I really should wash my mouth, you know.

I say shit a lot in my act

- and stuff like that, the swearing. - Yeah.

Excuse me?

I think that you're allowed duck over there...

in China.

Oh.

I'm not sure, but I think so.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me either.

I'm not really one for the whole trivia thing. Well, not really.

Like, with the facts.

I know.

Oh, yeah. You know that about me?

I know you don't like to face them... the facts.

Oh, right. Okay, this is...

I get it. This is the part where we

start to, uh,

talk about the real reason why we're really here,

the serious part.

I don't know. I guess.

I didn't come here to meet you or,

you know, that kind of thing, shake hands.

- No? - No way.

- That's fine. - I don't think you're funny, okay?

Just so you know, not at all.

Your being a star doesn't mean shit to me.

- That's... - I never seen a TV show or

any of that, that one movie you did?

You asked me here, not the other way around.

Your people called my house.

You're the one that wanted to come here

so we could open up a dialogue.

And then you immediately tweeted about it.

You got that right. Document.

That's the way we do it these days.

Doc-u-ment.

Yeah. Of course. You know,

hey, everybody tweets these days.

You don't.

No. It's true, you know.

I know a lot of comedians that do, but

- not me. - Why not?

I don't know, you know.

Waste of time, waste of jokes.

You don't just have to make jokes to tweet. That's stupid.

It keeps the world connected. It allows people a voice

who sometimes don't have one face to face with others.

- It's not a toy, okay? - Sure, no. I wasn't...

I just meant I just know a lot of comedians that do it.

That's all. Like Steve Martin, Albert Brooks.

Louis C.K. You know him, right?

I'm not saying that it sucks

or nobody should do it or anything like that.

- Good. - I just, you know, it's just not for me.

- I don't do it. - Whatever.

Whatever. Exactly. It's whatever.

I just... I just don't do it,

you know, like a lot of things,

like, uh, like Facebook, either.

- It's no big deal. - Okay.

Okay. But you do, right?

I mean, I saw your... not that I was, you know, stalking you.

Obviously not.

I checked you out.

Online.

Yeah.

Did you check my brother's page out, too,

while you were messing around on there?

He had a page, as well.

Just so you know.

Yeah, I know. I saw that one, too.

Good.

A lot of people saying a lot of

nice stuff about him there.

People sent in videos, too,

from all over the world.

- I posted them there. - Yeah, I saw them.

Well, not on there, but my lawyer, Stanley...

I don't know if you know him

or have had any kind of interaction with him at all.

I don't know why you would.

I don't know anybody named Stanley.

It doesn't matter. He's a good guy.

But he sent me the links,

and that's how I watched them

- before, you know, on the Internet... - Okay, cool.

I'm glad you saw them.

Yeah, I did, and it was, um...

It was... they were very moving.

Listen, your name is, um,

Chan'dra, right? Did I say that right? "Chan-dra"?

Mnh-mnh. Chan'dra. Like "Shawn-dra."

Not like Charlie Chan. Chan'dra.

Right. Chan'dra. I'm sorry.

You know, it's just kind of, you know,

with the whole apostrophe thing there, it gets confusing.

- Don't worry about it. - I just meant, you know,

you know, you guys do that a lot, you know,

with capitals and apostrophes and stuff like that.

In your names, you know.

- "You guys"? - No, no, no. I wasn't being racial

or anything like that. That was not racial.

To you. It's not to you.

Don't tell me what is or isn't to me, 'kay?

Do not.

You're right.

I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

Look, I met this boy the other day.

I do these reading things at the cancer hospital for kids,

and I met this little guy. His name was Sin'cere.

That was his name. It was written right

there on the birth certificate.

So, you know, that's all I meant, right?

I mean, you don't see that, like, you know, wherever, in, like, in

Idaho or Sweden.

That's... that's all. I mean, see, that's what I do.

That's my thing, right?

I observe something. I make a joke about it.

It's called observational humor.

Okay. Yes.

My name has an apostrophe in it.

- My mom has one, too. - Okay.

You want to make fun of her, as well, or my grandma, maybe?

No, god, I was just... I wasn't criticizing.

I was just explaining what I was... about Sin'cere.

It just...

Do you want to, um...

I know you came late.

- Would you like to order something? - I don't care. If you want.

Are you sure? I mean,

you were at school late,

and Stanley told me that you had something

going on this evening.

"Something"?

They told you I had something going on tonight

before I came here to meet you?

Yeah, that's what they told me.

Huh.

Oh, I guess technically I did. Yep.

My brother's memorial.

Oh.

I thought maybe you'd show up for that one.

Lots of people would if only for the publicity, so

I guess I kind of admire you for missing out on that one.

But yes, that's where I was before I came here.

Sorry I was late.

No.

I wasn't... I wasn't being... that's not what I was...

I didn't know that that was tonight.

Was that the thing that was at the school?

Anyhow,

I am really very, very sorry...

About all this.

Me too.

- Yeah... - I'm sorry he's dead.

Damon was a good guy.

He never did nothing to nobody.

He spoke out for himself one time,

and this is what happens.

It's fucking shitty.

And it's all because of what you said.

No matter what you say to me tonight

or how you spin this in the press,

I need you to know my brother is dead because of you.

Okay, wow. Wait a second.

- That is... that's... - What?