Riverdale

The following isn't an imaginary story.

It happened.

It starts with a corpse on a lonely country road.

While in the town of Rivervale...

Archie Andrews has somehow just come back from the dead.

Arch?

Sorry I woke you, Betty.

No. It's okay.

I was having a nightmare.

What was it about?

The whole town was sacrificing you.

Sorry I woke you, Fangs.

Oh, I was just...

having this crazy-ass dream.

You were...

drowning.

And you came back as a ghost.

Was I trying to hurt Baby Anthony?

I was having the strangest dream, Reggie.

Did I get dragged to Hell in it?

Nana, what are you doing in my room?

I had the most frightful dream, child.

Same. I, um...

You and I swapped bodies for some reason.

Morning. How'd you sleep?

Uh... I'm not sure.

Oh, were you up late writing?

No, I woke up in Archie's garage.

I think I was sleepwalking.

Oh, it's probably just nerves.

Yeah.

Wait, what am I supposed to be nervous about?

Well, it is your first day back at school teaching, isn't it?

You know, it's got to be slightly nerve-racking.

But don't worry, it will be great. You will do great.

Hey, Jughead!

What's up?

Ben?

You're Ben Button?

Of course I am. Who else would I be?

Ben, you died.

You jumped out of a window when you sacrifice yourself to the Gargoyle King.

No, you're thinking of that dude from Stonewall Prep.

Mr. Chipping? Yeah.

No, no.

You did it first.

Maybe you hallucinated it?

Yeah, maybe I'm just hallucinating all this...

FYI, daytime hallucinations are a symptom of paranoid schizophrenia.

But listen, have an awesome day.

Jug, hey!

You okay, bro? You look like you're about to pass out.

Just light-headed.

What's going on?

Not much. Just updating everyone on the wedding plans.

Wedding?

Who's getting married?

Awkward.

Jug, Betty and I are getting married this weekend, and you're my best man.

Impeccable timing, as always.

Yes, Dr. Curdle?

Miss Cooper, I have some very distressing news.

This afternoon, I received a corpse.

Jughead Jones's corpse.

Is this more of your gallows humor, Doctor?

Because I'm looking right at Jughead, who is very much alive.

That's not possible.

Look, if you're still upset about not being invited to my wedding,

get over yourself.

Goodbye and please stop harassing me.

Hey, you okay?

Yeah. Dr. Curdle's attempt at humor, I guess.

He claims that your body is on his slab,

which is obviously impossible because I'm talking to you.

Mr. Jones.

It can't be.

And yet it is.

Well, may I?

It's a paradox. It must be.

How did I... How did he die?

Asphyxiation.

His wind pipe was crushed.

He was strangled.

And where was he found?

The Lonely Highway.

At the town limits. By the sign.

Face down.

Where are his clothes, his personal effects?

Keep this body on ice and under wraps, okay?

The Lonely Highway, you said?

It was impossible, yet happening.

Somehow, I had in my possession a set of comic books that seemed to be about me

and my friends.

Where had I gotten them?

I couldn't remember.

And why was my doppelganger clutching one when he died?

For that matter, how did I even have a doppelganger?

Hoping to find sane answers for these impossible questions, I sat down and began to read...

from the beginning.

How many more boxes of comic books do you have?

This is just a fraction.

I'll be honest with you, Jug.

I didn't know you were that into comics.

Well, what can I say, Archie? I contain multitudes.

Hey, how was your first day back?

Tabitha.

I feel like I'm living in a movie about parallel universes

and I need your help to figure this out.

Okay.

I've been having these strange hallucinations.

And these comics,

they're about us.

Our lives.

The first 95 are called Riverdale,

and they're set in a town called Riverdale.

And then there's this explosion, and suddenly it's Rivervale.

Okay, So you think Riverdale

is a parallel universe to Rivervale?

No, no.

I think Rivervale is a parallel universe to Riverdale.

It's like the comics.

Riverdale comes first.

And then there's Rivervale, which is a lot like Riverdale

except it's darker, nastier.

It's, um, it's like a warped reflection of Riverdale,

and it just keeps getting more twisted.

So we live in the parallel universe?

Yeah.

I know it's counterintuitive.

Read them,

then we'll talk.

And Tabitha did.

And her experience reading them was very similar to my own.

I remembered recent events clearly,

but going back further in my memory was...

hazier.

Reading about events in the Riverdale comic books made me recall them,

but as Tabitha said...

That's so strange.

I mean, I remember these things happening, but not in Riverdale.

All this happened here in Rivervale,

didn't it?

I went to Betty and Archie next.

I wanted to ask them about one page in particular.

Do you remember that explosion, Archie?

No.

Not at all.

That event is the one that ended the Riverdalecomics.

The next issue is when Rivervalestarted.

I have a theory that that explosion is what created

this parallel universe we currently find ourselves in.

Wait. I kind of remember something about this.

Arch, didn't you have a dream about an explosion like this one

or am I making that up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was just a dream, Jug.

I went to Veronica and Reggie next.

This is impossible.

What is it?

These comics depict my father terrorizing Riverdale for years,

but my father died the night before my quinceanera.

I was so distraught. We had to cancel the Jonas Brothers performance.

That's a massive discrepancy.

Because in Riverdale, Hiram is the main villain.

He's like Darth Vader.

So if Rivervale is the dark twin-verse then who is our Big Bad?

How come I look different?

What do you mean?

I mean, I look like two different people, look.

Both devastatingly handsome.

But other than that...

That might be an anomaly.

Have you shown these to Cheryl?

So, according to this horrid pamphlet, Kevin Keller and Moose Mason

discovered the corpse of my dead brother

whilst secretly canoodling in the woods?

Yeah.

How's that sync up with your memory of Jason's death?

It doesn't, you ghoul-lunatic.

To begin with, Jay Jay's not dead.

What're you talking about? That's impossible.

I mean, your life was basically defined by his death.

I don't know what to tell you, but I can assure you he is still very alive.

No, he's dead. You had a funeral for him,

and then you talked to his corpse for months.

Oh, hey, Jughead. I didn't know you were here.

You ready to go hit the court, Cher-Cher?

Yeah, I just need a minute. Wait for me at the convertible?

Sure. Don't take too long.

Uh... We... We had an in-memoriam page for him...

in our yearbook.

No, hobo, we didn't.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

my beloved and very much alive twin brother and I are off to play doubles. Toodles.

And feel free to see yourself out.

And then, I had one of my hunches.

I was right.

Though Riverdale and Rivervale diverged in ways minor and major,

they were analogous.

But I needed to understand the rules of these worlds.

I needed to sharpen my knowledge of parallel universes.