The Middle

Frankie: Out here in the Middle,

winters are chilly, and you got to bundle up.

But usually, it's when you leave your house.

All right, I'm home.

The AC won't turn off

no matter what the damn switch says.

"Heat" is cold. "Off" is cold.

Smacking the thing with a hammer-- even more cold.

- Maybe you should call Darrin. - I did.

He'll be here sometime Friday between 8:00 and 5:00.

Oh, the long window.

I bet that's the first thing they teach him.

How are you doing, Sue?

There was a cousin clothes box out front,

and Brick hid it in the laundry room!

I'm sorry, Brick. I held out as long as I could.

She asked me a direct question.

Oh, come on. I hate the cousins box.

All the hand-me-downs smell like cat pee and beer.

Have you even bothered to look in this?

Well, I don't know what you're complaining about.

There's a ton of good stuff in here.

The upside of our house being as cold

as an Arctic research station--

the kids were never more excited to get to school.

Man: ...the ion exchange columns being used to separate

- the radioactive trans-uranium elements... Sue: - Excuse me.

Buddy, you're in my seat.

Shh.

Hey, you're sitting on me.

Whoa! What are you doing?!

This is my seat.

I was sitting here and you came in and you sat on me.

I don't think so.

Maybe they do that in your home country of the Ukraine,

but here in America, we don't steal people's seats.

Brian, I think the new girl likes you.

I am Sue Heck, and I am not new.

Wow. Your English is so good!

Isn't her English so good, Deb?

So good, Court.

I got sat on, Brad. Sat on.

A person sat on me.

Was it the jock with the rock-hard abs

or the mixed-race guy with the perfect skin?

I don't know. I guess the abs, maybe.

But the saddest part of all was that nobody even knew my name.

Aw, everybody in high school feels like that at some point.

Yeah, but that's just it.

People in this school don't know each other.

I need to get back to my original goal--

making sure everybody knows everybody,

because we all know

the friends you make in high school

are the friends you have for life.

Dude. Dude.

- - Come on. Wake up.

We're gonna miss breakfast...

or dinner.

Where's my phone?

Uh, it...

Oh, I have a message.

Woman: Axl, you're so hot.

I want to...

...all night long.

Oh, hey! You got my favorite oinge shirt all wet!

Whoa!

Hey, who was that?

Number's blocked.

Who did I talk to last night?

W-where did we go?

Uh, we started at a frat party, then the dorm party,

then some kind of guitar circle with a bearded dude.

Hey, I know who it could be.

You were dancing with fourth floor hottie last night.

Really?

Nice job, me.

It was going pretty well

until you caught your reflection in the mirror,

and then you started dancing with yourself.

- Weird. - You were doing, like, a two-step.

- - Ohh!

Got the hips. You're like...

Do you have any idea what you're doing?

Worst-case scenario, I start a fire.

Hey, did you see this?

Orson has the Patch online now.

Great.

Now it's even easier to read stuff I don't care about.

Well, I think it's good that they have

something like this for local news.

Oh!

Remember that dog that kept

digging up the flowers at the courthouse?

Turns out it was a gopher. They got it on hidden camera.

So, how exactly are we related to this cousin?

Your dad's side. Spin again.

Oh! Look at this.

They're honoring two guys at your quarry.

Uh, Mike, one of them is you.

"Michael Heck and Robert Branderson

are being honored for their 20 years

of dedicated service to Orson Limestone."

Wait, what? There's a dinner?!

Did you know there was a dinner?

Of course you knew there was a dinner.

Were you ever gonna tell me this?

No, I was not.

Mike. You have to go.

- This is a big deal. - It's not a big deal.

The whole thing is stupid.

I just stayed in one place for 20 years.

It's like giving an award to a tree.

Am I crazy or am I rocking this suit?

I don't think I've ever seen myself look so sharp.

Let's see who makes fun of me at school now.

I'm gonna go with everybody.

Mr. Farrar, the reason I called this meeting

is because I need to discuss JP-La, and--

So you're the undercover drug agent.

What? No, I'm not a narc.

I'm JP-La-- Junior Peer Leadership adviser.

Did you know that the students here

still don't even know each other?

This is why I'm proposing-- here it comes--

Hands Across Orson High.

The entire student body will stand holding hands

in an unbroken chain of connectivity

that stretches all the way from the football field

to the place where that drunk kid drove into the pole.

It'll be huge.

It wasn't.

Just wait. They'll come.

It's still early yet.

They'll come.

So Axl finally had a subject he was interested in--

finding a mystery girl he couldn't remember meeting

at a party he couldn't remember going to--

a search that led him to the door

of the fourth floor hottie.

Ooh, hey. Hi.

Um, I don't know if you remember me-- Axl.

Apparently, we, uh, danced last night.

I may have given you my number.

You may have, uh, used that number.

Oh, my God! It's second floor mirror dude!

- Not her. - Oh! I remember you!

Susanna, Kelly, the second floor mirror dude is here!

Okay, I was wearing my skinny jeans,

so I did not know it was me!

Brick, are you warm enough?

Oh, definitely.

An unexpected bonus of looking like a million bucks--

I've discovered that petroleum-based fabrics

really hold in the heat.

Well, Hands Across Orson High was a ginormous success...

if that success is measured

by the inspiration it gave me to work harder.

- Speaking of working hard... - Frankie.

...the quarry is giving your dad an award

for his 20 years of hard work.

- That's amazing! - Nice job, dad!

Is it a certificate, a trophy, a plaque?

Is it framed, unframed? Is there a gold seal?

I don't know. It's not important.

Not important? It was on the Patch.

The Orson Patch?

The whole world can see that!

Uh, what's the award for?

Did you lift a boulder off somebody?

- No, for 20 years, I showed up. -

And there's an awards dinner and everything,

but your father is refusing to go.

What?! Is there a red carpet?

Is it called "The Quarries"?

Oh, my God! I want to go to The Quarries!

See, Mike? Your family just wants to bask in your glory.

Why won't you let us bask? I never get to bask.

Because everybody's got to get an award

or a pat on the back for the smallest thing.

I don't need an award for doing my job.

Now, that's the end of it.

It's like our 10-year wedding anniversary.

I wanted to renew our vows.

Reverend Hayver came over,

and you wouldn't stop mowing the lawn.

Come on, dad.

I finally have a reason to go out--

I've got a real suit.

It doesn't wrinkle. It has secret inside pockets.

The color's majestic.

It broadens my shoulders, slims my waist,

and gives me the muscles of an eighth grader.

But it's more than just superficial high-end apparel.

It feels like armor that protects me

against whatever life throws my way.

Today, it was sloppy joe flicked from a spoon.

This suit makes me feel like a winner,

and I want to show it off at your awards ceremony.

- Not moving you, huh? - No.