Hoops

Yeah. And, uh, just... Uh-huh.

Just hold that.

And open. Open.

I know you can open wider there, Ben. I've been to your games.

You never shut that mouth of yours.

Hilarious!

Lots of cavities! Looks like we're gonna run up a bill

like Bridgeport is gonna run up the score on your Colts.

Oh, fuck you.

Don't worry. It's all covered.

Speaking of, you ever think of going man-to-man?

Your "D" has to do somethin' to slow down Coach Chapman's boys.

They romp you every year.

Dr. Pinkman, there's a problem with his insurance.

He doesn't have any.

-I don't have insurance? - Hold still.

-Uh, no, no, no! - Easy.

There you go.

Janet...

Janet is gonna finish up because you cannot afford me out-of-pocket.

She wants to be a dentist someday.

This is exciting!

It's got a mind of its own!

Fuck!

You got this, girl.

No, you don't, girl.

Hey, did you know that teachers don't have dental insurance?

I had to get a bargain basement job from a hygienist.

Does it look bad?

Goodbye, tuna casserole. My stomach has officially turned.

Yeah. Janet said my canine might push into my cheek

and grow out the front of my face.

I get it.

Teachers need dental coverage, but that's not worth striking over.

I'm talking about a fang popping through my face.

Who said anything about a teacher's strike?

The teachers are deciding whether or not to strike this week,

and it's making me anxious as hell.

Damn it! Now I'm hungry again.

Listen, I need you to go to the union meeting

and get me some intel.

Just find out what the teachers are saying

so we can nip this strike thing in the bud.

I can't be stuck alone in this haunted school.

The ghost of Lenwood High is in there.

And if it was really a student, he's gonna kill the principal first.

And I'm the fuckin' principal.

Boys, listen up.

Saturday's game is a big one. It's personal.

We play Bridgeport High.

And you know who their head coach is?

Damian Chapman.

Ooh!

Don't fuckin' "ooh."

He's also my enemy.

Boo!

Better response.

So me and Chapman went to high school together.

He was the star of the high school team, and he was the apple of my dad's eye.

Aww!

What? I thought we were doing a thing.

Me and Chapman have a yearly bet on the game, and I've never won it.

Ooh, what are the stakes?

Well, it started pretty basic.

-Ah, shit. -

See you at the pool, dick chest.

But over the years, the bets have become more creative.

Can you change me?

Pwetty pwease?

Ga-ga, goo-goo.

So I think you all know what the biker did to me next.

-He kicked your ass? - No, he changed my diaper on the bar.

But this year, I got Chapman right where I want him.

Because this year, I got Matty.

And you guys. You guys are great.

Especially when you pass to Matty.

So I tell Michael not to pay him.

What are they gonna do? Kill your dad?

Guess who's meetin' me for a drink?

Damian Chapman!

Chapman? No!

Chapman? He's coming here?

Crap! My eyebrows are a mess!

-I'm right here, man. -Damian!

-Barry! -

It's been way too long!

Let me fire up a steak for you, you beautiful son of a bitch.

Nah, don't waste your meat, man.

I'm gonna destroy your son's honor, then I gotta jet.

Oh, come on. I'll make it work, you perfect bastard.

Goddamn, I wish he was my son!

All right, Benji. Let's cut the shit. Time to figure out this year's bet.

You know, I've decided I'm gonna go easy on you, Damian.

-I'm gonna give you a break this year. -You're gonna give me a break?

Dude, I kick your ass every year. What are you talking about?

Let's keep this year's bet simple. Here's what I'm thinking...

No, not the slop we serve to our regulars.

This is goddamn Damian Chapman!

Give him the best steak in the house.

Give him the Wagyu!

Yep. That's the bet.

It's official! I got you, you dope!

I got a seven-footer! I got a seven-foot kid, and he can dunk!

Deal's a deal though.

Too late, you idiot!

Fuck, man! Damn it!

The thing is, Benji, uh, I just landed twin exchange students

from the Sichuan Province. Ever heard of it?

Who just so happen to be seven feet tall.

Benji, meet Quan and Li Chin.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

You got double Chins?

Yep. I got double Chins, and they're playing this Saturday.

-Oh, fuck me. You've got two giants! -Hm-mm.

I've only got one giant!

And two giants are better than one giant.

I'm fucked!

Hey, now, you're an all-star, Benji. Hope you don't lose the bet this year.

That's a hilarious burn, and I don't even know the context.

-I'll take his steak. -Like hell you will!

-You could never eat Chapman's steak! -He left.

I'll get it to him. Don't worry.

Dad, I'm fucked. There's no way I win on Saturday.

Let me ask you something.

Did I come off too needy when Chapman was here?

God, that guy gives me the butterflies.

The second I saw Matty, I thought to myself,

you know, this is the year I can finally prove to my dad

that I'm a better son than Chapman.

That's why I've been trying to come up with some plays.

We've been brainstorming ways to help you all day.

But that, right there, is a weird play.

That's not a play, Marcus.

I was running out of ideas, and I got bored, so I just drew a dick.

Shouldn't it have more hair?

Yeah, you're right. It should. More hair on the balls.

Couple of hairs on the shaft for good luck.

Coach, I know how to solve this.

I know what you're gonna say.

I need to draw veins on the dick.

You're not wrong. Very smart.

Totally. Yeah, that.

But also, I was gonna say you can't lose the bet

if you don't lose the game,

and you can't lose a game that you don't play.

Speak English, Isaac. This isn't your bar mitzvah.

What I'm trying to say is,

there is no game if the teachers go on strike.

But if there's a strike, there's no school.

How am I gonna learn?

-Put a sock in it! -Shut up, Marcus!

-You geek! -Marcus, take a lap.

You don't have the authority to tell me to do that.

He's right. DJ, stay in your fucking lane, tits.

But Marcus, also, go take a lap.

Isaac, you're right.

I'm a natural-born leader.

I can certainly rile up some of these yahoos and start a strike.

All right. Now, step one:

let's draw some veins on this dick.

Anybody got a blue marker?

Lenwood teachers,

I know we're all frustrated with the negotiations,

but the union position is we are not going to strike.

It's not fair to the kids.

Oh, who gives a shit about the kids?

Kids come and go.

This is about our needs. Am I right?

Well, this is a different energy.

The school board thinks we're weak.

Well, I think we're the opposite of weak.

-Strong! -Thank you, Ron.

I believe in the people in this room.

I believe in you, Lonnie.

Really?

-I believe in you, Ron. -You never told me that before.

And I also believe in you, Myrtle.

-My name's Julia, asshole. -Don't care!

Are you even in the union?

I've never seen you here before.

Am I in the union? Ha!

I own the fucking union.

No. I mean, have you paid your dues?

Are you still talking?

You're done, lady. I'm taking over.

I think it's time we get loud and get what we want.

Who's with Ms. Same Ol' Same Ol'?

And who's with me?

Yay!

Go, Coach!