Avenue 5

Set portside jettison. Hit that baby!

We just jettisoned from the portside airlocks.

We're gonna be home in six months, baby!

No, the whole point is to jettison from the back of the ship

because that's what pushes you forwards.

You have knocked us off course.

Our new trajectory, eight years.

Don't touch my stuff!

AVENUE 5

...please stand on deck four. Please report to reception.

Welcome.

Yeah, I have seen the actual security footage.

Of you? Climbing into a dumpster like a raccoon?

Like... like an inebriated, sexy raccoon.

Oh, my kind of raccoon.

- The chicken's good. - It's not bad, is it?

When you think that it's reconstituted eel protein, it's actually all right.

But are the portions getting smaller?

No, I think you're just eating it from farther away, so it looks, you know.

But we've got enough for, like, the next four weeks?

Definitely. We've got beef and chicken coming out of our ears.

- Coming out of our eels, in fact. - I love it when you talk eels to me.

Because I am captain, anything I say is automatically seductive.

- Pass the salt. - Oh, yeah, condiment man.

- Afraid grandma's not gonna make it. - Oh, poor grandma.

Honey, I'm filing for divorce.

I'm sorry. That was...

- Captain Blunder Gob strikes again. - No, no, it's okay. Ignore my face.

Charles is history. He jumped ship a long time ago, so...

I'm sorry, I'm just so... I'm so not match fit at this kind of thing.

No, you really are.

I made these waffles this morning.

- And look at that. - He's so funny.

- You got your batter. - There he goes.

We got our ice cube tray for the mold.

Doing recipes out of bits of his cabin.

And pour the mixture onto our preheated iron.

- The kids love his show. - So do I.

- Do you? - I absolutely love it.

It sounds crazy, but crazy happens when you crank up the Frank.

And the kids, I'd love to get to know them better.

- Give them a tour of the ship. - Oh, my God, the kids would love that.

So maybe this could be more than four weeks?

I think it could be a lot more than four weeks. Yeah.

I think I should get this.

Hey, Ryan, this is just your daily reminder to tell the passengers

that they're gonna be stuck on this elegant space finger for nearly a decade.

It's Matt.

You know, I'm going to put this on do-not-disturb.

Well, they seem to be taking it well.

- What? - Did he tell you?

No... no, I was just...

- Would you excuse me a moment? - Sure.

- It's time for a royal announcement - No, no, no.

- Oh, my God, what is it? - Duty calls.

- Duty howls, in fact. - Thank you.

You have to tell the truth, Ryan.

Should I use a more aggressive tack?

I find that British people often respond better to abuse than encouragement.

Now, look, Matt, you telling me that my breath smells like a cat's back passage

is not gonna make me tell them any quicker.

Okay, just humor me.

- Craptain Ryan, Craptain Lying. - Oh, is this... You've started, have you?

All right.

Yeah, you depressed, anorexic Santa Claus.

That's what you are. How do you shave that face of lies?

- I use an electric. - Yeah?

Well, you're a pissy little mummy's boy.

- Mummy's boy! - My mother's dead.

Yes, because she hated you, so she exploded.

- Is this getting us anywhere? Okay. - It's not, no, no. I'll tell you why.

Because if I tell the passengers that we are stuck up here for another eight years

and the food is running out, I'm gonna become the next all-you-can-eat buffet.

I will tell them when I've seen the food shortage plan that Rav is working on.

Sounds like Rav's food shortage plan is ready.

Yes, that is exactly what me being here signifies

and presumably what that pinging sound was about.

Here's someone who knows what a long time looks like.

Spike Martin, come join us please.

Yes, I certainly will. Totally impromptu.

This is feeling to me like an intervention.

Ryan, it's time to retract your head from your ass.

- Don't be afraid of the truth. - I'm not afraid of the truth!

I'm just afraid of it leaving my lips.

Jell-O in a shower cap mold.

Check outFrank's Kitchen every day at 3:00.

It's home cooking, without the home.

Love that jiggle.

Food's taken a dive.

I had a one-season four seasons pizza yesterday.

- Winter. - The worst.

I like the food being all the same color. It's less confusing for my mouth.

God, I miss real tomatoes.

- Tell me about it. - I know, right?

I am so desperate for relatable vegetables myself.

I don't know how you're still eating that. You have to stop.

Well, the good news is we only have to deal with four more weeks of that.

I mean, Captain Ryan would've told us if the trip is gonna be any longer.

Unless he has a good reason not to, which he doesn't.

Not that I'd know. Why are you asking?

- Isn't this your ship? - What?

- Isn't this your ship? - Ship?

Yeah, name only.

You know, you could just as easily blame Martin Luther King for king-sized beds.

- Blame him for kings. - Or kings.

- Or sizes. - Can I grab you?

Rav is ready with the food report in the boardroom.

That sounds more like a Ryan kind of thing.

I don't even know where the boardroom is.

That's true, I was in the boardroom once, and Mr. Judd came in and he said,

"Oh, what is this room?"

I'm not good at whatever this...

Your face... What are you doing?

Nothing. Like my role on this ship.

Well, I hear that it's good news and that you will like it.

- I should take that. - Later.

See you later.

- What's the good news? - It's not good news.

- And the boardroom is this way. - Don't patronize me.

- I know where the fucking boardroom is. - Oh, my God.

Tomorrow, I'm cooking steak in a trouser press.

Remember, folks, anything can be a garnish

if you're brave enough.

- Honey, I'm done filming my show! - It's not a show, Frank.

It's you on a video feed making popcorn with a hairdryer.

God, I've been here for months.

When can I leave this cabin?

You know what? I'm done. I'm done. It's time to get out of here.

- What? No! - Let me go and talk to them.

- Honey, you can't! - I can just... I can beg forgiveness.

I can be very, very humble when I need to be.

Do you remember when I ran over your sister's foot?

Karen, you knocked us off course for eight years. They hate you.

- They hate me? - I...

Hate is such a strong word.

Which is why it's so appropriate for how they feel about you.

Okay?

I have to go bowling with the guys. I'm going to see

if they're still drawing your face on the pins.

Hey, I saw you making them waffles. They looked good.

- Didn't they? - Yeah.

I'm glad you watched. We got to get you watching, man. Come on.

Hey, new faces and some old ones I haven't seen in so long,

they seem like new ones.

- Just stop it. We're not buying it. - Buying what?

The whole "I don't know what's going on" thing.

Is there something going on, Ryan, that I don't know about?

Judd, shut your bit. Rav, let's hear it.

I've put some numbers into the model, and the results are...

Relax, nobody's gonna shoot you. You're just the messenger.

Oh, I'm sorry, I just get quite nervous when I'm nervous.

That's an eclectic outfit. Are you trying to flummox predators?

All right, well, I arrived on the ship with a limited wardrobe,

so I had to borrow a few items from the deceased.

And technically, it's not even really borrowing,

'cause it's unlikely they'll want it back. They're...

- Rav, the plan. - Sorry, yes, okay.

Obviously, we're all aware of the food and resources shortage issue.

No.

I'm sorry. I really am dropping it now.

And so, the passengers will be split into two groups.

The first group...

the Guaranteed...

will be fed.

The second group will be given a chance to...

manifest their own...

destiny...

sealed below deck.

What?

That's it? That's your plan?

That we turn half the passengers into a screaming, underfloor heating system?

Oh, this is going to put a stain on my record.

We would obviously provide them with some initial supplies,

seeds, sourdough cultures, a urine filtration system.

And then to benefit the mental health of the Guaranteed,

we would cease all communication with...

...the Pioneers.

"Pioneers"? What... Pioneers of what? Pop-up cemeteries?

Okay, if you could just take some of that rage and direct it towards the model.

Did you know about this?

I knew that we would have to make some difficult decisions.

I just didn't know it'd be explained with stickers.

- Why would people do this? - You said there'd be no judgement here.

That was before you suggested industrial slaughter.

I have a question. What the fuck?

Look, I don't like this, but something's got to give.

- It's either die or die. - I vote against Rav's plan.

Okay, but, yeah, let's not call Rav's plan "Rav's Plan."

- Okay, stop saying "Rav's plan." - What would you prefer?

"Rav Mulcair's Festival of Murder"?

Look, is it not better that half of us die quickly

than that all of us starve slowly, just to play devil's advocate?

And that's okay, is it? Advocating for the devil.

I'm not sure if you're aware, Matt,

but the devil's generally agreed to be a bad egg.

Well, thanks, Rav.

Turns out it's not so easy, is it? Raining blood on people's dreams?

You're gonna have to tell them we're not going home in a month, Ryan.

Yes, that is something I do know.

Not going to do it. You can't make me tell them.