About a Boy

Well, I'm really glad we did this.

Yeah, I... that was wonderful.

I love Mother Courage. I think it's a great play.

Yes, me too.

Mm, um, Marcus is at a friend's house tonight, yeah?

Did you, um, want me to come in, or...

- Oh. - I could...

- Have a glass of wine, or... - Boop!

Maybe-aybe another time. Ahem.

- Yeah. - Sure, have a great night.

You too.

- Oh, my God. - Are you spying on me?

It was like a car accident,

and I didn't want to look,

but I couldn't tear my eyes away.

Did you just "Boop" Mr. Chris on the nose?

Oh, he wanted to come in, and I...

- Panicked. - Why?

'Cause, you know,

- we haven't... - What?

You haven't shoveled snow together?

We haven't...

- Consummated. - What?

Ew. What are you...

Oh, stop it. Stop it.

You guys have gone on, like, what, six dates

and you guys haven't slept together?

Eight. And I know the time

- probably is now. - The time was six dates ago.

I'm out of practice and I can't get over this hurdle.

How do people just go from not having sex

to having sex? What happens in the middle?

Sex. Sex happens in the middle.

And in the beginning, and in the end.

Look, Mr. Chris isn't my favorite person

in the whole world, but he's still a guy.

He's still a human. You need to get over this,

you know, hurdle of yours

or he's not going to stick around, Fiona.

And when you do "do it," do not tell me.

Here we go.

[Brett Dennen's Comeback Kid (That's my dog)]

What?

And these are some of the ribs that we've eaten over the years.

We got the feelings wheel, some orange soda legs,

and we have the knife in the foot.

You know, honestly I think this is the moment

when our friendship just became undeniable.

Definitely. What's the hair?

Oh, the hair is actually your hair.

You see, I snuck into your bathroom

and took some from your shower drain.

There's even some of my mom's in there, too.

I just couldn't wait to show you until tomorrow.

Hmm.

Which would make today Manniversary Eve.

Right. Right, of course.

And that would make tomorrow...

Manniversary.

Can you believe it's a year ago tomorrow that we first met?

Obviously.

Aw, man, this is such a nice...

This is such a... Creative gift.

It is. He put a lot of work into it.

Lot of brainstorming, image boards,

- bone scrubbing. - Man, I can't wait

- to see what you got me. - Yeah, me neither.

Could I have a hint? No, no, no, I don't want a hint.

- Oh. - Okay, maybe just one hint.

Well, let me tell you something, Marcus.

I can't tell you what I got you

'cause obviously tomorrow's the actual day,

but what I can tell you as a hint,

is that it is exactly what you wanted.

- No, it's not. -

- Yeah, it is. - You got me tickets

to the Golden Gate Femfest?

Mom, this is the greatest day of my life.

I know. The Golden Gate Femfest.

The folk festival of iconic female singers.

Marcus has been begging me to take him

- ever since we moved here. - And that is why

I have gotten you a ticket, buddy.

Yep, you're go... We're going.

Two tickets to Femfest. You and me.

Dreams are coming true.

VIP experience all the way, bud.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Does that mean what I think it means?

- I'm meeting Lisa Loeb? - Ah-

Grammy-nominated singer/songwriter/

eyeglasses trendsetter Lisa Loeb?

- I guess you are. - Oh, my God!

I have to find something to wear.

Something that says, "I'm obsessed with you,

but I'm still just a normal boy."

Um, maybe my Lisa Loeb shirt, and my Lisa Loeb beanie,

but, you know, just normal pants.

Yeah, I don't want to come across as a stalker.

All right, I love you, Will!

All right, buddy. See you later.

What the hell just happened?

You may not have those tickets yet,

but you're going to get them.

Every man in that child's life lets him down,

you will not be another one, Will.

I don't even know who Lisa Loeb is.

I mean, who in the world has ever even heard

of Golden Gate Femfest?

Um, we have. We go every year.

- What? - Yeah.

That's not something I scream from the mountaintops,

but Laurie loves a folk festival.

She becomes the Laurie I fell in love with.

She gets funny, wild,

- Sexy. - Oh, God, dude.

No underwear.

But I don't know what you're going to do.

It's been sold out for, like, a month.

- What? - Yeah, we got our tickets,

- like, four months ago. - Well, you gotta give me

your tickets then, because I can't let

the kid down, you know that.

You know, you take a lot, Will.

You will not take Femfest Laurie.

You will not.

Oh, hello. Hello, Marcus' English teacher.

- Um, Mr. Chris, is it? - Yes, hello.

Hello.

I wonder if we could have a word?

We... yes, I actually wanted...

I actually wanted to talk to you as well,

about Marcus' Death of a Salesmen paper.

- Good. - Both: Yes.

Let's go over here.

I was just... I was just thinking, um, ahem...

Instead of, uh, going out for dinner tomorrow night,

I thought perhaps we could stay in.

Marcus is going to be gone all evening.

So I thought that you could finally see my house.

- Oh. - You know, all the rooms.

That sounds great. What can I bring?

A bottle of red? Dessert?

No. No, no, no, no.

I-I will be providing dessert

with my body.

Your body is dessert, I got it.

Well, I'm excited.

Okay, yeah. I am, too.

I must go now.

This is the face of an excited person.

I just don't understand what you've been doing

for eight dates if you're not having sex.

Well, pfft.

He's a fascinating conversationalist.

I mean, he's traveled all over the world.

Exactly. Can you imagine what he knows,

- what he's learned? - Yeah.

He's learned six languages.

And he's currently learning conversational Zulu.

- No, I'm talking positions. - Positions?

Well, hold on, hold on. I mean, let's just review.

I mean, there's... There's basically two posit...

Well, there's three.

Lying down's one. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

- Flip... - Fiona, you have to learn

to turn the mom part off,

and the sex goddess part on.

Yeah, but how do I do that?

Well,

I take a shot of Goldschlager

and watch an episode of Orange is the New Black.

But that's what works for me.

You have to find what works for you.

How's your bedroom? Is it appropriate

to entertain a man in?

Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

I think... I think that's...

- I don't believe you. - I think that it...

that'll be our second stop.

Why? What...

Oh, God, no. I've shaved up to my knee.

Oh, honey, we're going way above the knee.

It's going to be like a little pinch.

Just give her what you give me.

Right this way.

- Brazilian? - No, British.

Do you think anybody else here

is celebrating their Manniversary?

I highly doubt it.

- Oh hey, look. - Hey.

- What's up, guys? - Hey.

- What's up? - Whoo.

Oh. Wow, Laurie.

You look different. Thank you very much, Will.

I said different. Keep your pants on.

How'd you get the tix?

- My buddy, Craig. - Mr. List, huh?

How have I never met this guy?

Marcus, are you excited?