Richard Pryor - Live in Concert

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[audience cheering, whistling in the distance]

[crowd cheering, whistling, applauding]

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you! Hey!

Thank you! Thank you much!

Good evenin'!

Wait for the people to get from the bathroom.

People in there pissin' and, "Wait! This shit done started!

Damn!"

What's happenin', blood?

Right on.

Jesus Christ, look at this. White people rushin' back.

White people don't care, Jack.

Just come out anyways.

Say, "Fuck it. We're going. I don't give a shit."

Right?

You niggers takin' a chance bein' in Long Beach, though, Jack.

I saw the police had some brother jacked up when we was comin' in here.

Nigger's hands way up here. Talkin' 'bout, "Huh? What?"

They're searchin' and shit.

Bet they take him away to jail.

Goin' to jail in Long Beach is a motherfucker, boy, isn't it?

"Where you at?" "I'm in Long Beach."

"Well, shit, we ain't comin' down there to get your ass out."

White people, this is the fun part for me,

when the white people come back after intermission

and find out niggers done stole their seats.

Right? They say, "Uh--Uh, weren't we sitting here, dear?

Weren't we, uh... I believe...

we, uh, we were sitting here, uh, weren't we?"

"Yes, we were sitting right there."

"Well, you ain't sittin' here now, motherfucker.

Yeah."

You ever notice how nice white people get

when there's a bunch of niggers around?

Right? They get outside, they just talk to everybody, right?

They say, "Hi! How ya doin'?

I don't know you, but here's my wife! Hello!"

What you takin' my picture for?

Who you gon' show it to?

He say, "I got a picture of Richard Pryor!"

"Who gives a fuck?"

Sit your ass down.

Motherfucker, sit down!

You know you ain't got no film in the camera!

You're just bullshittin'. Just flashin'. Ain't nothin' flashin'.

Sit your ugly ass down.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

And then, right to your seat. Exit.

No, it's funny, though, man. White people be funny.

And you ever noticed, like, you be the only nigger someplace,

and you go where white people, they be funky, right?

They be... they be like, "You wanna move out of the way, fella?

Excuse me. Thank you very much.

Takin' up all the fuckin' area. Jesus Christ!"

And niggers guerrilla their way in the place, man.

We saw about eight dead white people when we was comin' in.

Still had tickets in their hands.

Niggers just run over 'em gettin' in here.

"Move out the way, motherfuckers. Yeah.

We ain't seen the nigger in three years. What the fuck you talkin' about?"

Whitey's just, "Sure. Go ahead. Sure. Cut in. Sure. It's OK.

Well, what do you want? Trouble?

There's a whole bunch of 'em!

They could be cousins or anything."

Some white dudes you cut in front of don't play that shit though, right?

You cut in front of them... "All right. Cut the shit.

Just cut the fuckin' crapola."

I love when white dudes get mad and cuss, right?

'Cause you all's some funny motherfuckers when you cuss.

They be sayin' shit like, "Yeah, come on, pecker-head!

Come on, ya fuckin' 'joik-off!' Come on!

Son of a bitch! Come on!

Yeah, you're fuckin-A right, buddy!"

Niggers be talkin' 'bout, "Buddy this.

"Yeah.

You want to 'buddy' somethin', buddy up on this here."

Black man will grab them dicks, Jack.

"I don't care." Niggers be walkin' down the street, they gon' hold their dick.

"What's happenin', bro? Ain't nothin' to it. Shit.

You know how it is. I'm just hangin' on."

Right? Even Andrew Young, he grab his dick!

Right? He be talkin' to the President of the United States, right?

Andrew Young be, "Uh, Mr. President?

No, we got to talk some serious shit. No, really.

Excuse me, Mrs. Carter."

"Oh, that's all right.

Bigger than a peanut!"

Patti and I wanna say we're really happy that you come out to see us tonight.

We mean that from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you.

Patti be singin' her ass off too, don't she?

I mean, Patti gets some shit down in there, be,

Shit go all through me, man.

"Let me sing it to you motherfuckers! Yeah!"

And that band's a bitch too, man.

That band's a motherfucker she got. Really.

That white boy on the horn be playin' his ass off, right?

He don't even bend. Motherfucker...

No, most people who play the horn,

they got to bend or somethin' to get that shit outta there, right?

This cat be, "Nothing wrong."

And don't miss shit, right?

"Don't worry, niggers. I'm with you. Go ahead."

And I am really personally happy to see anybody come out and see me, right?

Especially much as I done fucked up this year.

I don't wanna never see no more police in my life...

at my house,

takin' my ass to jail...

for killin' my car.

And it seemed fair to kill my car to me, right?

'Cause my wife was gonna leave my ass.

You know, I say, "Not in this motherfucker, you ain't.

Mm-mmm. No, Lord. No. Mm-mmm.

If you leave, you'll be drivin' them Hush Puppies you got on.

'Cause I'm gon' kill this motherfucker here."

And I had one of them big ol' Magnums.

You know that noise they make when you shoot somethin'?

I shot the car, it say, "Boom!"

Tires say,

It got good to me. I shot another one.

"Boom!"

And that vodka I was drinkin' say,

"G-go ahead. Shoot somethin' else."

I shot the motor.

The motor fell out the motherfucker, right?

Motor say, "Fuck it!"

Then the police came.

I went in the house.

'Cause they got Magnums too.

And they don't kill cars.

They kill "nig-gars."

Police got a choke hold they use out here though, man.

They choke niggers to death.

That mean you be dead when they through, right?

-Y-- Did you know that? - Yeah--

Wait. Niggers goin' "Yeah, we knew."

White folks, "No! I had no idea!"

Yeah, two grab your legs, one grab your head, and snap,

"Oh, shit. He broke.

Can you break a nigger? Is it OK?

Let's check the manual.

Yep. Page 8. 'You can break a nigger. 'Right there, see?

Let's drag him downtown. OK."

Then they got them dogs they sic on your ass, right?

Them German shepherds and shit. Nasty motherfuckers, right?

Some places they got them Dobermans. Doberman Pinschers?

-Them's some bad motherfuckers, y'all. - Yeah!

-They fast too. - Yeah!

They catch the average white boy.

They do!

By the time they catch a nigger, though, they too tired...

to do anything. Right?

Maybe get petted or some shit like that.

"You tired of runnin', boy?"

Sit your ass right there now. I'm gon' get on. All right."

I saw 'em lettin' one loose on a young brother, about 16, in an alley.

The police jumped out the car and sicced the Doberman loose on him.

And the brother was low-runnin'. I mean, he was down in here.

And the dog was on his ass.

And it must've got good to the brother,

'cause he shifted into overdrive on the dog.

Yeah! The brother had a cap on. It just went...

And it looked like, to me, like the dog said, "Shit!

Mother fuck that nigger, man.

Shit. Ain't gon' kill me out here. Sheesh.

Get me a biscuit. Yeah."

Them dogs is somethin' else, man.

I got two dog... I got two malamutes that I trained to fight the police dogs.

I did. I said, "If you see any dog jump on me, y'all better do somethin'.

'Cause if you don't... You know what happened to that car on New Year?"

"We got ya, Rich. We got ya. We got ya. We got ya. Don't worry."

And they won't bite shit, right?

I mean, they very intelligent dogs though, right?

I mean, they be readin' dog food cans and shit.

They do! "Alpo. No meat by-products, no soybean...

Yeah, Rich, this'll be good. Fix that up for us, please.

Could we have a little wine with that, perhaps?"

And a burglar come in the house, they go, "Don't fuck with the dinner plate.

You can have all this shit up here."

So I got a- a Doberman, right?

One of them bad motherfuckers, right?

Somebody stole him.

That's how bad he was.

And I got him from a dog home.

You know, you can get dogs from the dog home, save 'em from killin' 'em.

I got him from the dog home, and somebody had abused him real bad.

'Cause every time I'd call him, he'd freak out.

I say, "Hey, Champ." "What? Shit! Jesus Christ!

What're you doing, man? Don't do that shit.

I'm tellin' ya. You're fuckin' with my head.

It's a real bummer, Rich. Just... God, please."

They're like that. Dobermans are like that.

When they're puppies, they're real scared, man.

You look at 'em and shit, they...

But when they get older, they don't even like for you to stare at 'em, right?

Most dogs you can stare down.

You look at a dog too long, they go...