The Other Two

I love days where I don't have to work

and I can just run errands and look like trash.

I know. I'm not even wearing underwear.

Yeah, me neither.

I mean, I'm not seeing anybody I know,

so why would I?

I actually probably should.

My dick always pops out of these pants.

Ugh, I hate walking around with toilet paper.

It's so embarrassing.

Why? Everyone knows you have a butthole

and poop comes out of it.

Hey, you're okay.

See? She agrees.

Hey, gay.

Huh, not sure that's about your butthole.

But, I mean, I guess kinda?

Wait, what is going on?

Hey, you're the guy from that video.

Oh, no, sorry. I don't think so.

Yeah, the little kid's music video

about his gay brother.

What?

Oh, um, Care, look at this.

I think I found what they're talking about.

What the f...

Where is Streeter?

Why is no one picking up? Ugh.

Okay, can we just take one sec

and laugh about how funny this is?

I can't be in a teen's music video.

Do I just show up at the label

and tell that Shuli woman to take it down?

Yeah, yeah, that's what I got to do.

Okay, or you leave it up

and you get, like, a trillion new followers.

Ew, I don't want those followers.

They're all like @ChaseDreamsFeet.

Wow, he is getting famous.

What if casting people see this?

Oh, my God, what if Grandma sees this?

Wait, does Grandma not know that you're gay?

No, she's 85.

I thought I'd just let her die in peace

without ever truly knowing who I am.

Wow, cool brain, Care.

Shuli, the video's at 5 mil.

Great, can we get him on the OUT100 yet?

No, they said it's still just for gay people.

God, that is so unfair.

Hey, uh, Shuli?

Hi, gay brother.

You know, my brother's gay.

I have a gay brother.

My brother's gay too.

Yes, okay,

that's sort of why I'm here.

Can I talk to you in private?

One sec. Brooke, where have you been?

Chase needs his assistant.

Oh, um, I just sort of figured

when you started a new job you had a few days

to, you know, get your life together.

Why would you think that?

Sorry, Shuli, can we talk, like, now?

It's very important, and I can't get ahold of Streeter.

No one's told you.

There was an emergency.

Streeter and your mom had to take Chase to a specialist.

Oh, my God, what happened?

You may want to sit for this.

Chase has a...

- a pimple. - Ugh.

A pimple?

Look, if you need to barf, go ahead. I did.

But we're gonna get through this

as... as a team.

You know, we just may have

to transition him to sexy sooner than we thought.

- Okay, I'm gonna cut to the chase. - Trademark.

I want that video down, all right?

It's humiliating, and I feel exposed.

- Your dick's out. - Oh.

Cary, what's the problem?

Everyone here loves the video.

I mean, its message is so strategic,

important. I said important.

And the gay community is eating it up.

Ellen just tweeted about it.

We got Ellen

or whatever little twink runs her account.

Okay, well, I want it down.

- I'm an actor and this could be... -

...terrible for my career.

Sorry.

It's an agent asking if I have representation.

I guess she saw the video.

Shit, this is one of the biggest agencies.

Care, that's amazing.

Yeah, I could maybe leave Skip finally.

Yeah.

So like I was saying, I love the video.

It's awesome.

I want you guys to keep it up.

I love you cuties. Thank you.

All right, so I guess I better get to work.

All I'm gonna need from you guys is Beyoncé's cell.

Gotta set up a collab on, you know, like, a song,

ooh, or a jean.

That's not your job.

We have you in a very small office

responding to fan mail.

Shouldn't I be doing something more creative?

I mean, come on, with my background?

What is your background?

I went to the School of American Ballet 11 years ago.

Well, then no.

Listen, Brooke, your brother's fans love him

because he's real.

But now he's getting too busy to be real,

so we need you to be real for him.

Shuli, we have a problem.

The gays are turning on the vid.

They're saying it's, quote, "so five years ago."

That's the worst thing you can be.

"Dear ChaseDreams,

"I've been in the hospital for seven weeks

"and it's not looking good.

"Could you send me a T-shirt?

"You're my favorite singer ever.

Love, Rachel Klein."

Poor girl.

Such terrible taste in music.

Hey, how's it going in here?

Oh, some of these letters are really intense.

A grown woman sent Chase underwear.

That happens a lot. You can just toss 'em.

Oh, I mean, can't waste brand-new underwear.

- Am I right, girl? - Those are not brand-new.

Women wear them and send them dirty.

Don't even touch them.

Of course not.

And don't eat any of the food.

Uh-huh.

Anyway, Shuli wanted me

to introduce you to Chase's lawyers.

There's, like, 100 of them, and they're all, like, 25.

Yeah, I'll go meet some lawyers.

Oh, I'm sorry, I meant there's 25 of them,

and they're all, like, 100.

Mm, um, you know, I'm actually...

I'm in the middle of some very important fan outreach.

Yeah, there's a sick girl.

She's dying, actually.

So I need to personally bring her a Chase T-shirt.

So off I go.

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.

I have a meeting with an agent.

We all do. This is an agency.

- Cary? - Yes.

Oh, Pitzi Pyle.

Thank you so much for coming in.

I saw you in the vid.

I am gagging for you, faggot.

Come on back.

Sorry, I was... uh, I was gonna change,

but you told me to come down here ASAPF,

I thought the F was a typo,

but now I think I know what it stands for.

Yas, faggot.

Wait, should we do this meeting here or while we're shopping?

I guess here?

Aw, Pitzi sad.

Oh, oh, no.

I'm sorry, we can...

Wait, you believed me.

Oh, my God. You're so cute.

You're, like, the sweetest person I've ever met.

Like, will you be my best friend?

Like, legally, we're bound to be best friends now.

And that's really good for you because I'm the top agent here.

- Oh, you are? - Yeah.

I have the most clients, okay, 10,000.

- Oh, how is that manageable? - But enough about me.

Okay, dish. I want to hear everything.

Where are you from? What's your deal?