Californication - Sixth Season

Previously on Californication...

He gave me a ride because I spent the night at his place.

- What's his name? - Ross.

- What's your poison? - Heroin...

coke, booze, speed.

A little bit of everything, really.

And there's all the fucked up

sexual shit that goes along with it.

How do you know about Becca's thing tonight?

Oh, we keep in touch. She's always asking me

questions about writing. She never asks me

questions about writing.

Okay, hi.

I'm--I'm--I'm here to see Natalie.

Natalie's my wife.

Natalie said,

"Let the new designer in."

Okay, that's--that's me.

I don't want to twist your arm,

but, um, I'd like to take your hand here...

And shove it up my skirt. Mmm.

- - If you're gonna die,

wouldn't you rather die with your dick in my bum?

If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die doing

what I was born to do. This is it.

This is the moment we've been waiting for.

I'm shitting genius right now.

Hank, we gotta go!

Do you guys mind if I crash here?

Do some writing? Maybe have a few people over?

- Whatever you need. - Congratulations.

You have made it to the next round.

Home sweet...

Holy Moses.

What the fuck? Hank?

Jesus guide me!

All the furniture is in the bedroom, Hank.

Shh, shh, shh!

- Just the tip. Come on. - No!

Get a condom. Is that Becca?

Just like five seconds. Four seconds.

She looks good, Hank.

She's grown up. I'll kill you.

- She's very well-developed. - I will fucking kill you.

You know chlorine kills 99.9% of the sperm, right?

It's true.

Okay, fine.

I'll get a condom, jeez.

Hey, Hank! What's up? Hey...

- Oh! - Dad!

- Hi, Becca. - Ohh!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

You didn't have to hit him.

No, I didn't have to. I wanted to.

He could sue you.

Yeah, but then I'd have to cut off his dick

and feed it to the homeless. You know what?

I still haven't heard you say you're sorry.

Am I sorry for messing up Charlie's place?

Yes, of course, and I will clean it up.

But am I sorry for throwing

a killer party and having an awesome time?

Absolutely not.

This is becoming a problem, Becca.

- Right. - I'm not sure I agree.

Give me that.

Booyah!

Great, now you have to buy me a new one.

- No, I don't. - Fine.

Then you won't be able to get in touch with me.

I could be holed up in a crack den somewhere,

and you wouldn't be able to track my iPhone.

I don't like you very much right now.

Do you like her very much right now?

- No, I don't. - Hmm.

I don't see what the big deal is.

You drank all the time. Not all the time.

- You smoke pot. - When it's around.

It's not like I have one of those

magic marijuana cards or anything, right?

Do you use cocaine?

I have experimented with the drug you call cocaine.

A long, long time ago,

in a galaxy far, far away,

in my misspent youth. That's a lie.

Well, sometimes it's important to lie to children.

Mmhmm.

- This is not a very good talk. - No, it's not.

Bottom line is,

you're making some questionable

choices right now. Huh. Yeah.

Says the queen of questionable choices.

- Hey! Be respectful - Ow.

Of your mother's questionable choices.

Look, I respect you both. Always.

My home life has been chaotic, to say the least.

But I've always kept it together.

You guys had it easy with me.

Agreed.

But you can't expect us to ignore

the fact that you're

out of control right now. Yeah, yeah, what she said.

But I'm having so much fun.

I'm partying like a rock star.

Okay, look, enough of this jibber-jabber.

No more lectures.

Let's take this shit

into the field. Come on.

Let's go.

What up, Runks?

What is--what?

Yee!

- Okay, what the fuck is that? - What--I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Look, I just--

I had an experience recently--

Yeah, like a gay thing? I heard.

No, no, I'm totally straight now.

Didn't you hear?

No.

I heard that you got fired again.

Well, yes, that was unfortunate.

But...

Are you trying to get out

of your child support payments or something?

- Look, a bow. - Is that--stop it.

- No! No, never. - Uh-huh. Yeah.

- God, I got a new job. - Mm-hmm.

A good job. I do still

wonder why I have to pay you

to care for a child that you named after your second husband.

That still does not sit well with me.

He's your son, Charlie!

I know, I know, and I love him to death.

And that's what I'm here about, really.

Because I had a life-or-death experience recently.

And it really-- it clarified things

for me, Marcy. It focused things.

And I thought, I would really like

to spend the day with you and little Stu.

Well, that's great.

You're welcome to spend the day with Stu,

and I will go shopping.

That works too.

Happy to lighten your load.

What? I don't know.

I just know you're working some kind of angle here.

No, Marcy, scout's honor. I have no angle.

I am angle-free.

That's bullshit, because we all know you're dick's all bent.

Thanks for reminding me.

That's what I'm here for.

Just keepin' it real, Runkle.

I'm just glad you're thinking about it.

All right!

Stuart!

I know all this "partying like a rock star"

stuff looks like fun,

but this shit eventually turns on you, you know?

You wanna know what a real rock star looks like?

It ain't pretty.

Hank.

Friend.

I missed you.

And you brought your family with you.

- Yes. - Is--is that your child?

Becca.

Hello, child.

Hi.

She speaks English.

And Karen, oh, my God!

- Hey. - I had a dream about you.

- Oh. - Did I tell you?

I was standing on the stage,

and I spied you in the front row.

And I was enchanted by your preternatural beauty.

So I focused all my

energy on you, and--and--

and I made you have an orgasm just by looking at you.

Hmm, how do you know she wasn't faking it?

It was my fucking dream.

Oh, ooh, oh, God.

Ooh, I'm feeling something.

- I think it's bouncing off-- - Shut the fuck up.

Come on, I've got someone to introduce you to.

He's a big fan of yours. And mine.

You see what I mean?

Hank, Karen, child...

I would like you to meet the poet and philosopher,

- Holy shit, that's... Both: Marilyn Manson.

We're talking about doing a duet together.

Maybe a tour of the states.

That would be really something, eh?

I'm just here for the narcotics.

He'she--he kids.

Not really.

- He does-- - Hey, listen,

I brought Becca here because I want--

- Becca? Who's Becca? - My daughter.

Oh, the child.

Yeah. She's recently discovered