An Almost Perfect Country (Un paese quasi perfetto)

Leave it!

Grab our stuff!

Come on, hurry up!

Curse him!

NO FISHING

AN (ALMOST) PERFECT VILLAGE

Good morning, my name is Domenico Buonocore

and this is my hometown, Pietramezzana.

Now you see it like this, but it used to be different.

We used to have a job, it was hard but we managed.

Then they closed the mine and everything changed.

Most of the townfolk have left but those 120 who stayed

can count on unemployment checks. As long as it lasts...

Good morning, Tonino. Are you taking it all? No investments?

The receipt.

Take care, ATM!

- Don't get upset, he's just rude. - It's not for what he called me.

- No... - I'm not touchy.

But there are so many good investments available right now!

Bye, ATM... I mean... Nicola.

Hello, Nicola. This one is mine and this is Mr. Pace's.

- I've told you. Don't do this. - Why not?

- It's illegal. - You have to do it.

Do you want to see his authorization? His ID?

Don't scream.

- Every given month... - Here we are.

- Bye. - Good morning, Saverio.

Hi, Domenico. I talked to my brother.

- There's a job opening in town. - Rosaria, I'm not leaving.

You spend your day talking about when you had a job at the mine

and meanwhile the roof is about to leak.

But it doesn't matter, because we get two checks!

Not that again!

Pace himself asked me to cash his check for him.

- He signed the authorization. - He has been dead for a while.

But the government thinks he is still alive!

I don't want to move to town.

Let me live the life that I want.

Domenico, that job is for me.

Good luck, then.

When it's Nicola ringing those bells no one ever shows up.

They must all be stuck in traffic!

This was supposed to be a village meeting.

This seems more of a condominium's meeting!

What are those factory people going to do with my land?

They want to build a plant here because they'd get tax exemption.

But we aren't a tax haven!

- This is not the problem. - Why give them an exemption?

You could have offered something less than Cyprus did.

I tried to fool them

so that they wouldn't see how fake our candidacy is.

- Tax exemption for how long? - Forever.

- That's not the problem. - What then?

It needs to be more than 200 inhabitants

and we are less than half that number.

That's easily solved. With all the people who left,

we just have to cheat a little. They won't come here to count us.

- Who takes care of the numbers? - The tax collectors.

The insurance requires a doctor to live here.

It has been nine years that we have been looking for a doctor.

Let's find one, su we can stop looking.

Mr. Mayor, we can find a doctor who will live here, right?

Consolino, let's talk about that.

Excuse me. Keep the change. Good evening.

Here she is, our beauty!

Anna, bring us more wine. It's on me!

- I'll divorce and marry you. - You're too old for me, Michele.

Bring more wine!

Holy...

What are you doing, Teresa?

Domenico...

- Mr. Mayor, where are you going? - On holiday.

And you are taking the furniture with you?

I got a well paid job in the city.

My daughter needs braces for her teeth. She's a mess.

Show him your teeth.

- She got it from her mother. - Thank you very much!

- I was trying to say... - That I'm ugly, right?

- Franca! - What if she got your nose?

See? I no longer have an authority here.

What about the factory?

- Do you need help? - No, thank you.

Good luck.

What do I tell my brother?

Tell him that we are opening a factory!

Celestine, send this to every doctor in Italy.

- To each one of them. - All right.

How long will it take?

- Do you need anything else? - No.

See? What I was telling you about Celestine?

You've got an e-mail.

"Dear Doctor, in the magnificent setting of Pietramezzana,

we are offering you a permanent job as the local doctor."

Pietramezzana is as beautiful as Cortina, St. Moritz or Courmayeur.

They even add a drawing.

It's one of those places with good air,

where they work the land, they milk the cows...

- While we are making fake boobs. - You're right.

- I'll answer that you accept it. - Let me see.

That's the picture.

Pietramezzana? Maybe in another life!

Why did you delete it? I want to live among cows!

Good morning, Caterina. Is Celestine home?

No one replied to the e-mail yet.

Goodbye.

Hi, Domenico.

So? The doctor?

Any news?

I'm sorry.

Michele, if I move to the city, will you come visit me?

- No. - What? Not even once?

- Shut up! - I'm not joking.

Rosaria has been offered a good job in the city.

- Forget about it. - You can come by bus.

- I don't know where to get it. - And the train?

Never' seen one.

Michele, have you ever been to the city?

- No. - Never ever?

Never.

- What's wrong about it? - Nothing.

- License and registration. - Good evening.

I'm a doctor. I was speeding because I got an emergency call.

- Where are you coming from? - From a cricket match.

- Your ID. - Did you get it? He's a doctor.

We're late because of you.

You should be troubling criminals instead of doctors.

- Honey, please... - Now, it's my fault?

You are abusing your authority!

- Say something. - And your ID too, Miss.

Sure. Right away.

Give it to him.

It's a serious matter.

Let us go, please.

Calm down.

What is this? Is this yours?

What is this? What is this?

Listen, I'm a plastic surgeon...

I could do something for your wife...

I could make her boobs as hard as rock... If that's nut the issue,

I could give her a Brazilian ass!

Or I could help you with that nose of yours!

So you are a doctor...

Yes, a plastic surgeon.

Get dawn, it's no use.

First of all, I want to say something.

When you hear the hells,

it means that there's a general meeting.

And when there's a general meeting, you must come to it.

A doctor will come to live in Pietramezzana.

For a month. Wait, don't go away! I'm not done yet.

I know it's not much, but we have one month

to convince the doctor

to sign a long term contract.

If he will sign, we will have a real job

for us and for our children.

So we will keep living here in our ancestor's homes.

Who wants to tell the Government where to put that charity

that has been ruining our lives?

Who wants to stop feeling useless?

Who wants to wake up in the morning and go to work

instead of wandering around because there's nothing to do?

Who wants to keep living here?

Come on!

- Let's go! - Come on!

We have to get this doctor... Gianluca Terragni

to fall in love with Pietramezzana.

Well done!

Number one.

When the doctor comes here

we must blind him. - Let's turn on the streetlamps.

- What are you talking about? - Let's make everything shiny.

Clean up the village.

Number two...

- That is? - Number two...

If he could often find money on the ground,

he would think that this village is wealthy.

- How much money? - Just a few cents.

It puts people in a good mood.

- Will you see to it? - I'll do it.

- Money. - Number three.

- Where will he sleep? - We could use a hotel.

- The closest one is 40 km away. - He'll stay at my place.

- With that furniture? - What's wrong with it?

- It's so old school. - Do you know what he likes?

- Do you? - No.

Who knows what he likes?

So this is Gianluca Terragni.

That's his Facebook.

What does a book have to do with this?

Facebook is a social network.

He accepted my friendship.

- So candidly? - Yes.

- Whatever! - Are there any other pictures?

- What's this? - He's a plastic surgeon...

" Who? " Him?

He's a plastic surgeon.

What's this?

That's cricket. He is a cricket fan.

- He'll find lots of bugs here. - Cricket is also a sport.

- Not only an insect. - How was I supposed to know?