Elf

Oh, hello.

You're probably here about the story.

Elves love to tell stories. I'll bet you didn't know that about elves.

There's probably a lot of things you didn't know about elves.

Another interesting elfism:

There are only three jobs available to an elf.

The first is making shoes at night, while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.

Lazy bum. Couldn't even make a clog.

You can bake cookies in a tree.

As you can imagine, it's dangerous having an oven in an oak tree...

...during the dry season.

I wanna make shoes!

But the third job...

...some call it the show, or the big dance.

lt's the profession that every elf aspires to.

And that is to build toys in Santa's workshop.

Only two weeks left till Christmas.

lt's a job only an elf can do.

Our nimble fingers, natural cheer and active minds...

...are perfect for toy building.

They tried using gnomes and trolls...

...but the gnomes drank too much.

And the trolls weren't toilet trained.

No human being has ever set foot in Santa's workshop.

That is, until about 30 years ago.

And as you may have guessed, that's where our story begins.

Oh.

Wowee! Wow.

What a blessing you are. What a blessing you are.

Here we are.

We're just going to make you feel so comfortable.

There we are. There you are.

It's time to go to sleep.

Maybe by next Christmas, you'll have a home.

Merry Christmas, my angel.

[METAL CREAKS, DlRT SPRINKLES]

Mmm.

All right, all right.

We've had another very successful year.

So after all that hard work...

...it's time to start preparations for next Christmas.

What in the name of Sam Hill is that?

"Little Buddy Diapers."

His name is Buddy. He must have--

Snuck into your sack at the orphanage.

What do we do?

So Santa had a decision to make.

Fortunately, when it comes to babies, Santa's a pushover.

So Buddy stayed with an older elf who had always wanted a child...

...but had been so committed to building toys...

...well, he'd forgotten to settle down.

Santa.

Yes. Yes, I raised Buddy.

I was his adopted father.

Though Buddy grew twice as fast...

...he wasn't any different from the other children.

Not too fast, Buddy.

I mean, not really.

Before we learn how to build the latest in extreme graphic chipset processors...

...let's recite the code of the elves, shall we?

Number one.

Treat every day like Christmas.

Number two.

There's room for everyone on the nice list.

Number three.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

And one day, when Buddy was old enough, I made him my own personal apprentice.

Never been in this room before.

Well, I think it's time you start your tinker training.

Santa's sleigh.

You're gonna help me make it fly.

I thought the magical reindeer made the sleigh fly.

Where do the reindeer get their magic from?

Christmas spirit.

Everybody knows that.

Well, as silly as it sounds...

...a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus.

What?

Who do they think puts all their toys under the tree?

Well, there's a rumor floating around that the parents do it.

That's-- That's ridiculous.

I mean, parents couldn't do that all in one night.

What about Santa's cookies? I suppose parents eat them too?

Yeah, I know. I know.

And every year, less and less people believe in Santa Claus.

I mean, we have a real energy crisis on our hands.

Oh.

I mean, just see how low the Clausometer is.

That's shocking.

That's why I came up with this little beauty in the '60s.

What is it?

It's a Kringle 3000.

Eighty-five hundred reindeer-power jet turbine engine.

Without it, the sleigh couldn't get more than a few feet off the ground.

Well, looks like we got a short in the thermo coupler.

You wanna give me a hand with that?

You want me to help?

As much as Buddy was accepted by his family and friends...

...there were a few drawbacks to being a human in an elves' world.

Hey, Ming Ming.

Um....

I'm gonna be a little bit short on today's quota.

It's all right, Buddy.

Just how many Etch A Sketches did you get finished?

Come on, Buddy, how many?

I made 85.

Eighty-five.

That puts you...

...915 off the pace.

Ooh, that's bad.

Why don't you just say it?

I'm the worst toy maker in the world.

I'm a cotton-headed ninny muggins.

No, Buddy, you're not a cotton-headed ninny muggins.

We all just have different talents, that's all.

Seems like everyone else has the same talents except for me.

You have lots of talents.

Special talents, in fact, like.... Special talents?

You changed the batteries in the smoke detector.

You sure did. Triple A's.

And in six months, you'll have to check them again. Won't he?

And you're the only baritone in the elf choir.

You bring us down a whole octave.

In a good way.

See, Buddy, you're not a cotton-headed ninny muggins.

You're just special.

And so Buddy was sent where the special elves work.

[JACK-IN-THE-BOX LAUGHS, BUDDY GASPS]

[BOX CHIMING "POP GOES THE WEASEL"]

[JACK-IN-THE-BOX LAUGHS, BUDDY GASPS]

[BOX CHIMING "POP GOES THE WEASEL"]

Hey, Foom Foom.

I hate to do this, but can you help me pick up the slack on those Etch A Sketches?

- No problem. - I appreciate it.

Buddy is killing me.

I already got Lum Lum and Choo Choo pulling doubles.

Quick thinking yesterday with that "special talents" thing.

I feel bad for the guy. I just hope he doesn't get wise.

Well, if he hasn't figured out he's a human by now...

...I don't think he ever will.

lf he hasn't figured out he's a human by now...

...I don't think he ever will.

I think they're too small.

You're just special.

You don't look so good, Buddy. Are you okay?

I'll be okay. I just need a glass of water.

Buddy.

Buddy, are you okay?

I'm sorry, Papa.

Just need some alone time.

Buddy, I think we have to talk.

Buddy, I think there's something I probably should tell you.

You probably should've found out a long-- A long time ago.

l then proceeded to tell Buddy of how his father...

...had fallen in love when he was very young...

...with a beautiful girl named Susan Welles...

...and how Buddy was born and put up for adoption by his mother.

And how she had later passed away.

l told him his father had never even known that Buddy was born.

And most importantly, l told him where his father was.

ln a magical land called New York City.

My dad works there?

Empire State Building.

Hey, Buddy, wanna pick some snow berries?

Not now, arctic puffin.

- Hello, Buddy. - Oh.

Hi, Leon.

Why the long face, partner?

It seems I'm.... I'm not an elf.

Of course you're not. You're 6-foot-3 and had a beard since you were 15.

Papa says my real father lives in a magical place far away.

I don't know what to do.

At least you have a daddy.

I was just rolled up one day and left out here in the cold.

But the thing is, I've never even left the North Pole.

Buddy, I've been around the world many times...

...when I was a young cumulus nimbus cloud.

It's a wonderful place filled with wondrous creatures.

Except dogs. Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow.

Oh, I know that.

All I'm saying is...

...this might be the golden opportunity to find out who you really are.

So l hear you're going on a little journey to the big city.

Yep. Kind of nervous.

Leon says New York is pretty different.

Oh, don't pay attention to Leon.

He's never been anywhere. He doesn't have any feet.

I've been to New York thousands of times.

Really? What's it like?

Well, there are some things you should know.

First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there.

- It's not free candy. - Oh.

Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas.

They all claim to be the original, but the real one's on 11 th.

And if you see a sign that says "peep show"...

...that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at presents before Christmas.