Faking It

Last season on "Faking It"...

We're just good buddies who occasionally have sex.

You screwed her best friend. Give up.

As of today, we have a new leader: Principal Turner.

Does this have to be the end?

We're just in different places, Amy.

- Stay, please. - I can't.

- Oh. - Are you attracted to Felix?

Ew. No.

Typical Amy, can't make up her mind.

So what did it mean?

She's my sister.

You can never trust a Booker.

Felix!

Hi, my name is Felix and I'm an alcoholic.

I promise, I'm gonna make it up to you.

This is gonna be the summer of Karma and Amy.

I'm intersex. This is the school that accepts you,

even if you don't accept yourself.

You can't keep relying on other people to get over Karma.

Your real dad's name is...

C. Wilder.

- Ashcroft. - Ashcroft?

Well, you guys are in for an exciting summer.

What do I have to do to get you to stay?

You can tell me that that kiss meant something.

- I can't. - Have a good summer, Karma.

_

Karma, I know that I may not have handled it

in the best way when I left for the summer,

but I had to do that to get over you

and guess what, it worked!

So how 'bout we get back to being BFFs,

because your friendship

is the most important thing in the world to me.

Uh, weak. And why bother?

Your friendship is dunzo,

so save yourself the soul-crushing pain.

I thought it was real sweet.

- I hope it works. - Thank you.

Just don't apologize.

I won't.

I did what I needed to do to take care of myself.

I needed to get out of town, get some perspective.

I learned a lot,

like tons of queer girls fall for their best friends.

It's a common step in our evolution.

Well said.

I think she'll let you off the hook.

If you ever evolve to Portland, look me up.

Count on it.

- Stay strong. - Good luck!

Bye!

And long kicks!

Yes! Now clap those hands, ladies!

You too, Steve!

Amy!

Hi.

Starfish, when are you gonna learn not to stand with your legs apart?

Crazy, right? We were nemesisis.

Nemeses. Neme-somethings.

You know what they say, nothing bonds two people like a life or death situation.

God, did someone drown?

Worse: the vending machine ran out of diet soda.

It was a war zone of soccer moms fighting over deck chairs.

Starfish and I got each other through it.

I can't believe I once thought you were a narcissist with an inferiority complex.

Aw, and I can't believe I once called you gay Hitler.

Stingray, we've got poop in the toddler pool.

Ah, again?

Gotta run.

You two have a lot to catch up on.

Wow, okay, so you two are friends, now?

Mm-hmm.

Huh. I guess there is hope for the civil war in Syria.

I was gonna tell you all about it, but you went off the grid.

In other news, my mom got her soaps into Trader Joe's and we're back in our house!

Oh, that's great!

So you didn't have a miserable summer?

Well, I mean, it did start off a little rocky.

Karma, about that.

I know that I may not have handled it well when I left, but I...

Cormac! Waylon!

That's strike two.

Next time, those guns are mine!

I'm sorry. You were in the middle of your apology.

What...

No, I was... No, I wasn't...

Wasn't what?

Apologizing.

I actually wanted to explain why going away for the summer

was... was exactly what I needed.

Oh, break's over.

It'll have to wait.

Do you want to come over tonight for girls' night?

Oh, sounds fun, but no can do.

The lifeguards are throwing this huge end-of-summer bonfire at the lake, so...

Tomorrow night?

Gotta run. But we'll text.

It's all good.

My speech to the school board went viral, and I became an inspirational figure.

I was even on HuffPost Live.

Hello? Aren't you impressed?

If it is all good,

then why didn't she invite me to her stupid bonfire?

It's not like it's the Oscars!

Oh, how I've missed talking about Karma with you.

Know what you've missed? Your mother on Tinder.

That woman goes through men like a speed eater downing hot dogs.

Okay, are you pissed at me,

or have I just forgotten how hostile you are?

Pissed, why?

Oh, you mean because you begged me to stay here and then you left?

I didn't really beg.

Trust me, I get it.

Nobody wants you to get over Karma more.

I'm just bummed it didn't work since you've been home less than an hour

and she's all you can talk about.

It worked.

- Trust me, I've evolved. - Into what?

Everyone was just getting used to your fluidity.

I'm still fluid.

And I still don't want to label myself.

This summer, I learned that I don't have to...

Can we talk about your suspenseful sexuality later?

I'm casting a new Lisbeth and I need to pick two finalists.

Ladies, please don't chew your pencils.

They're not yours to keep.

What happened to the old Lisbeth?

Ooh, juicy story!

She left.

So you're auditioning new friends?

Lauren, you're not a Real Housewife.

Yet. And I'm not auditioning friends.

That's pathetic. I'm interviewing friendterns.

There are duties, especially with my 5,000 Twitter followers.

Is that a big deal? I'm not on Twitter.

Of course you're not and, yes, it is.

Quite honestly, I expected a more impressive group of candidates.

Regardless, two of these girls will get to come with me to that bonfire tonight.

Wait. You're invited?

You said yourself, it's not the Oscars.

Thank God firelight is forgiving.

Okay, ladies, let's get started.

Good news: I found my dad.

Bad news: he's dead.

I-I mean, it's a bummer, sure, but now, dude,

I have an aunt, I have four cousins, and a bubbe.

It turns out I'm Jewish.

Oh, Mazel Tov!

Good thing you're already circumcised.

Enough about me. Let's talk about you.

- How was your summer? - Drinks are up.

Uh... I was a lifeguard at a public pool.

Nobody's buying the movie rights.

You're the one jetting around the world with an heiress.

More about you!

Shane, what's going on?

What do you mean?

You keep changing the subject away from yourself.

And you love talking about yourself.

I am insulted.

Okay, fine.

You're gonna find out eventually.

Over the summer, Karma and I...

Oh, God.

- Became friends. - That's it?

After your aborted prom threesome,

my mind went to some very dark places.

I'm your best friend. She's your ex-girlfriend.

- That doesn't bother you? - Why would it?

I'm with Zita now. I am so over Karma.

Tell me the truth. I would never share anything you told me in confidence.

It's the truth; I still care about her, of course.

I want her to be happy.

Is she?

I... I know it can be hard to watch an ex move on.

Uh... Jeez, how did it get so late?

I gotta run, I promised my mom I'd help her with the inventory.

You want to meet up after? Shoot some pool?

You'd be surprised how long it takes to count a garage full of dildos.

Shane, you didn't answer my texts.

I need to talk to you about Karma.

What a surprise.

Not like that. I'm over her.

- She's all yours. - Thanks, but I'm over her too.

Oh, really? I didn't see you at graduation.

I know that she's pissed at me for leaving.

We have to talk it out.

Take me to that lifeguard party with you tonight.

Lifeguard party! That's tonight?

I'll have to stop by after the dildo counting.

But it's just for lifeguards. Super exclusive. Kind of like the Oscars.

Wait, Lauren's going.

Yeah, well, she's an inspirational figure.

Gotta run.

If I don't call your name

and tonight you're lying in bed, thinking, "I'm a huge loser,"

try to think of me and be inspired.

Leila, the envelope please...