Cop Car

Wiener.

Wiener.

Boobs.

Boobs.

Pussy.

Pussy.

Damn.

God damn.

Ass.

Asshole.

Ass face.

How far do you think we've gone?

Uh...

Fifty miles.

I think we're almost to the woods. Come on.

Don't get rust poisoning.

Come on!

I thought it was an arrowhead.

Bitch.

Bitch.

Shit.

Shit.

Shithead.

Shithead.

Fuck.

Say it. Fuck.

That's the worst cuss.

Actually my friend, he's in eighth grade,

he says that it's just a different language from Russia.

So it's fine to say it.

Oh, look!

What? Snake hole!

I'm going to leave mine in there in case they try to escape.

Good idea.

Want to see a magic trick?

No way!

Want some?

Yeah!

We gotta ration it, though.

Okay.

Two centimeters each a day.

Wait, why don't you keep it in your pocket?

Pickpockets.

Got my wallet in here, too.

The creek should be right over... Get down!

What?

It's the cops!

We haven't even been gone that long.

You're right.

Did they see us?

I don't think so.

We can distract them.

Throw this on the far side to make a noise.

Oh, crap!

You hit it!

Oh, shit!

Shit! I hit a cop car!

Let's go!

Wait, wait, wait! It has my fingerprints on it.

Mine, too.

Okay. Go get it.

No way!

Fine. Chicken.

Wait.

Go that way. It's better camouflage.

There's no one in there.

They could be hiding.

My dad says sometimes cops put empty cop cars near roads

so that people won't speed, 'cause they think they're real cop cars.

But there's no road.

Do you see it?

I don't know. It could be any of them.

Come on, let's just go.

I dare you to touch it.

The cop car?

No way!

If I do it, you have to do it.

Okay.

Ready?

Stay low just in case they're hiding.

Now!

Okay.

Your turn.

Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

Oh, crap.

Come on, come on. Come on!

No way!

Quick, get in!

Get in!

Nuh-uh.

Why? Look.

So?

Hit the boosters!

There's a lot of bad guys behind us!

I'll shoot 'em!

Did you kill them?

Look out!

Aah! You're driving us right off of a cliff! No!

Where's the siren?

We need to get out of this lava!

Holy shit!

No way.

Which one?

The big one?

It fits.

Do you know how to drive?

Yeah, I know. Mario Kart.

Yeah, me too.

Whoa!

Me first! Wait!

Try this one.

Awesome!

Why isn't it going?

Uh...

It's moving.

It's moving! Quick, get in.

We're going to get in trouble.

We already ran away. It doesn't matter.

What if someone sees us?

We'll just tell them we're cops.

Good idea.

This is our cop car now.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Oh! (LAUGHS)

That was so cool.

(SIREN WAILING DIFFERENT TUNES)

This is our cop car!

This is our cop car!

This is our cop car!

Fuck. Shit.

Hello, hey. Hey. Hey there.

Hey there, Miranda. Hello, Miranda.

Hey there, Miranda.

Hey. Hello, there.

Dispatch. Hey there, Miranda. Mitch Kretzer.

Hey there, Sheriff. Everything okay?

It's been better, I'm afraid.

Oh, no. What's wrong?

Well, I seem to be having some trouble with my radio.

Not sure what it is.

Is this the one in your patrol car,

or the one you got in your truck?

Patrol car. Some kind of odd interference I'm getting,

maybe a trucker channel cutting through.

Or those boys out east with their remote control airplanes. Who knows?

Anything odd on your end?

No. Not that I can think of.

I tried to radio in to y'all ladies.

You didn't hear that?

Oh, no. Must not be coming through.

I see that.

I thought y'all was just giving me the cold shoulder.

Never, Sheriff.

Okay, well, I'm gonna see if it's a short in the receiver,

and in the meantime, if you do need to reach me,

why don't you just go ahead and call me on my cell?

Are you sure you don't want me

to send Gary down there to have a look?

No. No. I'm gonna see if I can handle this one by myself.

All righty.

Thank you kindly.

Have a good day.

Any games?

Eh, nah.

Whoa.

Oh! Now me!

Last car, repeat. (GASPS)

What should I say? Be quiet! Shh!

They can't hear unless I push down the button.

I know.

Say, "Cops are, cops are...

"Cops drink diarrhea milkshakes. "

Cops drink diarrhea milkshakes

and then poop double diarrhea. (LAUGHS)

Say, "Shit!" Okay.

This is Dispatch. Please repeat.

Wait, but they're gonna know we're not cops.